Reply to Why he won't leave his wife for his mistress

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Yes but what’s worse? Is it to to have an affair and then divorce or just divorce before you have an affair? I’m not even talking about making an effort to communicate and work with therapists to make it work because most don’t seem to be interested in that genuinely.[/quote]

This is ridiculously naive.  Of course it's better to divorce without cheating and traumatizing your spouse and kids, not to mention potentially another family.[/quote]

The rationale is:  If I divorce first, I am divorced which I don't want.  if I cheat, maybe I get away with it, and maybe my sex life at home improves.  If I get caught, I may get divorced which is where I will end up anyway.  So no harm done trying the cheating route first, especially in a no fault state.[/quote]

Perhaps marriage just doesn't work for a lot of people and that's the rabid magenta-colored elephant thrashing around the room that no one wants to acknowledge. I mean, we put ourselves through this huge social-emotional undertaking, never mind that families shell out tens of thousands of dollars to support said undertaking, that for many, if not the majority of couples, ends painfully or morphs into a passionless, lukewarm existence that may or may not be temporarily corrected, or resurrected, with marriage counseling CPR. I once heard about a couple that after 30 or 40 years stayed married but came to some unusual agreement where the wife wanted to be a homebody and the husband ventured out to enjoy the outdoors. They had nothing in common except a checkbook.

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