Reply to Wife wants another child; I do not

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s really crazy, all the PPs trying to convince OP to be cool with another kid. If OP was a woman they’d be going nuts about how it’s her body her choice and what a bastard her partner must be for trying to change her mind.

I agree maybe OP should’ve been more open but the world is not always so black and white. I can understand maybe hoping his feelings would change or hoping something about the situation would change. I also think it’s crazy that some unborn entity is more important to his wife when there never WAS a guarantee that such entity would come to exist. [/quote]

It’s not the same because fertility, stereotypical division of labor, and health impacts are not the same.  If a woman in her early 40’s said she changes her mind and is stopping at one, she is really the one giving up the dream of more kids with anyone.  The guy can still get divorced and marry someone younger  that wants more kids.  How many 50 year olds with young kids do you know?  I know a few.  She is also the one risking possible complications including death, not the man if she goes forward.  Also, the impact on career and child duties typically (though not always) fall disproportionately on women.  Notice we don’t ask men how they balance work wth 3 or 4 kids though as the expectation for men to be equal partners becomes more common, this may change.

There were never any guarantees that the unborn entity would exist but often with decisions it’s about the process and the intent even if you don’t get what you hoped for.  A good faith effort or talking out concerns  and what changed as it happens (not trying to string someone along) and genuine regret and acknowledgement goes further than I changed  my mind (with some bs reasons) and say if you love me you will be the one to sacrifice.[/quote]

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