Reply to Spending Money - First Year On Campus w/ Meal Plan

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay. OP again.

Let's just assume some students don't have savings, which is the case with my DD, for a number of reasons I won't get into. She was unable to work over the summer due to family obligations.

I realize I have a problem however and am trying to figure out how to course correct, which again will be helpful given that we will have another in college soon. So I'm just interested in some informal data.[/quote]

The main issue here to me is actually that because of your daughter's social choices in school, her "entertainment" budget is maybe higher than if she'd made different choices. I didn't join a sorority in school and so did not incur the expenses related to formals, rush, special outfits, dues, etc. plus the not-really-optional expenses related to socializing.

If you are not interested in paying for her sorority social experience, you need to have the conversation now with the context being that sorority participation is going to increase her spending in some areas you're not funding, and help her figure out what to do. It's not enough to just say "no, you can't do that because I won't pay for it." The kid needs to be parented to assess opportunities and weigh costs, which she cannot do without actual information.

If your base budget for kid socializing is $300, she needs to look at how much she's going over by and why. Then you can either adjust the budget or help her understand how to budget such that she's not blowing it all at the beginning of the month.[/quote]

OP here.

Thank you for this. We agreed to pay sorority expenses - monthly dues + occasional dresses. At JMU, these expenses are not what I consider exorbitant, and I believe that for my DD they are valuable. I was not in a sorority myself, and actually would have considered myself anti-greek, but I see benefits for her. She did not know many people at JMU before attending. I knew tons of people at my college when I went (large state school where a lot of kids from my high school went).

I will talk to her about budget (again - sigh). I suspect it's truly just bad choices. She's social and also impulsive. She's basically immature, but I also accept blame for not teaching her to be more respectful of money, especially when she did not earn it herself. Since she has food and shelter, I'm fine letting her figure this out the hard way. I am not bailing her out, but I do want to try to help her improve.

For the PP who asked what she did all summer, the main issue is that she was away visiting my DH's family overseas for more than a month, which made working other than babysitting not feasible. But it was important to us due to aging relatives. She did not work during the school year because the previous year taught us that doing so was too difficult. Call her a snowflake if you want, but it is what it is now. We've made mistakes, but no need to shame us or her.    [/quote]

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