OP-

I've been there on a different level but may be joining you next year as my DS is very interested in an SEC school and doing the SEC frat thing.

That said, my oldest went to school and participated in an expensive extracurricular (varsity sport). Obviously, he had room and board covered. I gave him an extra $250 a month and made him an additional user on our credit card. I warned him that the cc was for emergencies only and I monitored that bill like a hawk.
However, I let him go with the $250. If it was finished by the 15th of the month, he was stuck sucking it up at the dining hall grab and go after practice while his buds ate pizza. That freshman year was hard in a lot of ways and this was part of it. Sophomore year, he caught on. He was very careful about what he spent his money on. Yes, parties (thrown by the team that he had to pitch in on) took priority but he became choosier about when to roll out of bed on a Saturday to hit a coffee shop or to hit the dining hall for breakfast. By senior year, I had increased his monthly allowance because he had a car up there but he was very good about managing it all.

BLUF: You need to let her squirm a little. You're covering dues and dresses - she's not going to get kicked out of the crew. She needs to prioritize what is important to her that month and choose accordingly. Now that my oldest is on his own and living on his own paycheck, I think living on a budget was one of the more valuable lessons he learned.

1. Baltimore
2. I didn’t give my kid any money. He has had summer jobs since he was 15/16.

I agree with a previous poster about girls/boys. Our sons never went out for group dinners, brunch, etc they spent very little. All 3 kids go/went to private universities in/near cities (nyc, atlanta, philly). Daughter is freshman with full meal plan. Lots of outside food expense. Going out for dinner to restaurants is not unusual for kids today. (In my day, this was not a thing). Spending was higher in the beginning of year as kids were going out a lot, meeting people, etc. We had a chat about spending and adjustments were made. This is not an issue about bad food (although the food isn't great). It's mostly about group social behavior and a little about laziness (ordering food deliver vs going out to get it).

Anonymous wrote:My high stats college senior who also has a demanding EC has managed to save $4k from working the last two summers and school heads.

Your DD sounds spoiled and entitled and you sound enabling. $300 is incredibly generous and she should thank her lucky stars. And definitely tell her she must have a full time job this summer.

OP here. I'm well aware I've made mistakes. You are right in your assessment, but I really appreciate you pointing it out in case I was not. I'd say she's spoiled, but not entitled, if you can make sense of that at all. There are actually some factors that contributed to the situation that I prefer not to share for fear of outing myself/my daughter. These impact why I tend to be lenient when it comes to opportunities to be social and make new friends.

I am not bailing her out. When she runs out of $, she runs out, I know she can still eat, so I'm okay with that. It's just that it's been a few months and I would have expected her to figure out the balance by now and not run out mid-month.

She does plan to work this summer and I am hopeful she might during winter break also, but that is a little trickier to secure of course. She will definitely be babysitting for neighbors so I hope that will help give her a little extra to start the new semester with.

Congrats to your high-stats college senior. May they have continued success.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sophomore who was an athlete who had never had a HS or summer job, just some babysitting/gift type money when they left for college. They are at a state flagship in a city.

We gave $200/month for "fun money" in the debit account where we don't see the charges. Plus my kid has a credit card that I pay. It is hard to parse out because everything - prescriptions, books, toiletries, fast food, amazon orders, gas, ubers, activities, etc - is on that card, but it averaged about $1000 a month freshman year.

Kid is expected to pay for more on their own this year after having a summer job, but still gets $100 "fun money". We are paying Greek dues and essentials mentioned above, still roughly $1000 a month.

Amazon, gas, food, activities - what else is there under “fun money?”

Things I wouldn't pay for - going out/alcohol, gifts, costumes, non-necessities (i.e. decor), nails, some of food (told her our contribution to dining out was way less this year). Basically, that $100 is our addition to summer job money. It's up to her to budget knowing what we are willing to pay for on the credit card.

My high stats college senior who also has a demanding EC has managed to save $4k from working the last two summers and school heads.

Your DD sounds spoiled and entitled and you sound enabling. $300 is incredibly generous and she should thank her lucky stars. And definitely tell her she must have a full time job this summer.

Mine are both in cities.

Freshmen lives on campus (Richmond). We give him $150 a month for CVS/grocery/snacks. He spends his own money on eating out (which is a lot).

DD lives off campus (DC) and we give her $400 a month for CVS/grocery/snacks. She spends her own money on going out (which is a lot).

We also give them access to a credit card that is ours for clothes and Ubers.

Anonymous wrote:I have a sophomore who was an athlete who had never had a HS or summer job, just some babysitting/gift type money when they left for college. They are at a state flagship in a city.

We gave $200/month for "fun money" in the debit account where we don't see the charges. Plus my kid has a credit card that I pay. It is hard to parse out because everything - prescriptions, books, toiletries, fast food, amazon orders, gas, ubers, activities, etc - is on that card, but it averaged about $1000 a month freshman year.

Kid is expected to pay for more on their own this year after having a summer job, but still gets $100 "fun money". We are paying Greek dues and essentials mentioned above, still roughly $1000 a month.

Amazon, gas, food, activities - what else is there under “fun money?”

Anonymous wrote:$200 a month but with the caveat that if you only spend $80 in October, then in November you're made whole with $120. Stanford and Berkeley

This is an incentive not to save anything. I’m sure your kids would not think that way, but mine would.

Anonymous wrote:don't nickel and dime your kids to prove a point.

eating on campus sucks and they don't want to eat there.

This a 💯 %

My kid hates most of the dining hall food. He’s a freshman and we’re dropping to the lowest option possible and shifting the money to his spending account for better food options. It’ll be almost the same $$$ but more flexible in options.

I have a sophomore who was an athlete who had never had a HS or summer job, just some babysitting/gift type money when they left for college. They are at a state flagship in a city.

We gave $200/month for "fun money" in the debit account where we don't see the charges. Plus my kid has a credit card that I pay. It is hard to parse out because everything - prescriptions, books, toiletries, fast food, amazon orders, gas, ubers, activities, etc - is on that card, but it averaged about $1000 a month freshman year.

Kid is expected to pay for more on their own this year after having a summer job, but still gets $100 "fun money". We are paying Greek dues and essentials mentioned above, still roughly $1000 a month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. OP again.

Let's just assume some students don't have savings, which is the case with my DD, for a number of reasons I won't get into. She was unable to work over the summer due to family obligations.

I realize I have a problem however and am trying to figure out how to course correct, which again will be helpful given that we will have another in college soon. So I'm just interested in some informal data.

The main issue here to me is actually that because of your daughter's social choices in school, her "entertainment" budget is maybe higher than if she'd made different choices. I didn't join a sorority in school and so did not incur the expenses related to formals, rush, special outfits, dues, etc. plus the not-really-optional expenses related to socializing.

If you are not interested in paying for her sorority social experience, you need to have the conversation now with the context being that sorority participation is going to increase her spending in some areas you're not funding, and help her figure out what to do. It's not enough to just say "no, you can't do that because I won't pay for it." The kid needs to be parented to assess opportunities and weigh costs, which she cannot do without actual information.

If your base budget for kid socializing is $300, she needs to look at how much she's going over by and why. Then you can either adjust the budget or help her understand how to budget such that she's not blowing it all at the beginning of the month.

OP here.

Thank you for this. We agreed to pay sorority expenses - monthly dues + occasional dresses. At JMU, these expenses are not what I consider exorbitant, and I believe that for my DD they are valuable. I was not in a sorority myself, and actually would have considered myself anti-greek, but I see benefits for her. She did not know many people at JMU before attending. I knew tons of people at my college when I went (large state school where a lot of kids from my high school went).

I will talk to her about budget (again - sigh). I suspect it's truly just bad choices. She's social and also impulsive. She's basically immature, but I also accept blame for not teaching her to be more respectful of money, especially when she did not earn it herself. Since she has food and shelter, I'm fine letting her figure this out the hard way. I am not bailing her out, but I do want to try to help her improve.

For the PP who asked what she did all summer, the main issue is that she was away visiting my DH's family overseas for more than a month, which made working other than babysitting not feasible. But it was important to us due to aging relatives. She did not work during the school year because the previous year taught us that doing so was too difficult. Call her a snowflake if you want, but it is what it is now. We've made mistakes, but no need to shame us or her.

Anonymous wrote:Okay. OP again.

Let's just assume some students don't have savings, which is the case with my DD, for a number of reasons I won't get into. She was unable to work over the summer due to family obligations.

I realize I have a problem however and am trying to figure out how to course correct, which again will be helpful given that we will have another in college soon. So I'm just interested in some informal data.

Though my kids are in school in CA, they did not join greek life. DD is not a manicure type. Neither are big drinkers/partiers. The $200 pays for toiletries, laundry, and a few meals off campus, maybe a movie or two. We didn't let them work freshman year.

I have had this conversation with many friends over the years. It turns out, little did I know, some of their colleges do not have food point availability on weekends, others do not offer enough food points in the mandatory meal plan to cover all the food for 3 meals a day. Some campuses have free or cheap ($10) tickets to on and even nearby city shows/sports/entertainment, other schools charge students ridiculous amounts for on campus sports, shows and even parties. Some greek life is $500 a semester, some is $5000 a semester!
Some parents give $0 over food plan, usually they have kids at well-endowed schools with free or cheap social opportunities. Others give $1000 per month extra because their skinny kid cannot eat enough on the meal plan and every little thing costs $ on campus (non-flagship large southern public)

Each has to figure it out on own.

Anonymous wrote:Okay. OP again.

Let's just assume some students don't have savings, which is the case with my DD, for a number of reasons I won't get into. She was unable to work over the summer due to family obligations.

I realize I have a problem however and am trying to figure out how to course correct, which again will be helpful given that we will have another in college soon. So I'm just interested in some informal data.

The main issue here to me is actually that because of your daughter's social choices in school, her "entertainment" budget is maybe higher than if she'd made different choices. I didn't join a sorority in school and so did not incur the expenses related to formals, rush, special outfits, dues, etc. plus the not-really-optional expenses related to socializing.

If you are not interested in paying for her sorority social experience, you need to have the conversation now with the context being that sorority participation is going to increase her spending in some areas you're not funding, and help her figure out what to do. It's not enough to just say "no, you can't do that because I won't pay for it." The kid needs to be parented to assess opportunities and weigh costs, which she cannot do without actual information.

If your base budget for kid socializing is $300, she needs to look at how much she's going over by and why. Then you can either adjust the budget or help her understand how to budget such that she's not blowing it all at the beginning of the month.