Reply to Duke versus Northwestern

Forum Index » College and University Discussion

Reply to "Duke versus Northwestern"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My dd just started at Duke. Her dream school. We just spoke last night and was in tears. She is having second thoughts. Even though she has met people she feels a little isolated in the campus. They’ve already been to Durham and not impressed. She is hoping once she joins some clubs, it will get better but wishes there was a more accessible downtown area, even just a few shops and restaurants. She also got accepted to Boston college which also has a similar campus but close to Boston and although she liked BC more, went with the prestige. She is also not happy with one of her teachers since he has already made some mistakes in her calculus class. I really hope it gets better for her. She didn’t realize how important off campus would be to her.[/quote]

Your daughter has issues. Classes started yesterday. How bad can it be? East Campus where freshmen live is a short walk from 9th Street. 9th Street is not the most exciting place on earth but there are shops and restaurants there, and they can also easily get downtown, which has grown tremendously in recent years. If it is that important, I think freshmen can have cars so get her one and there are plenty of places within driving distance - it isn't like she is at Colby or somewhere else in the middle of nowhere.

Duke also has an incredibly robust orientation program where students do activities based on their interests to make it really easy to meet like-minded people.

Your daughter sounds like someone who was not going to be happy no matter where they went.[/quote]

DP here. That is mean and unnecessarily harsh.

We’re talking about an 18 year old who is only 10 days into a massive life transition. Of course she has big feelings.

Speaking of which, it’s normal for those feelings to vacillate between positive and negative depending on the day (hour?) until they settle in, which may take weeks, months, or the whole first year.

All depends on the kid. But it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her.

Finally, my guess is she’s more exhausted than she realizes, which affects mood. Duke goes BIG with orientation. As do many schools. It can feel a bit overwhelming by the end. And then they roll right into FDOC.

It takes time for the true experience to settle in, but the kids don’t yet have the life experience to know that. Lots of highs, lows, and everything in between.

Go Duke!!! [/quote]

There is having mild second thoughts and being in tears. Being in tears after one day of classes is being melo-dramatic and over-reacting. No one has a perfect first year of college (or four years of college). But dramatic mood swings like this are not OK.

I am hoping that this parent is using DCUM to vent and over-react a bit and is keeping a brave, calm presence for her child. One can empathize with some mild doubts but should not enable major questioning this early or it will lead to a slippery slope.

You are right - Duke goes big on orientation. It is a pretty rah-rah school, especially compared to its peers. But this is what you are signing up for. It is also hard for many people to go from being one of the biggest fish in the pond to being surrounded by all superstars and potentially having some self-doubt. I totally get it (I'm also a Duke alum). But it is also way too early to give up and to be in tears and to be making excuses (saying you don't like the city environment this early is making excuses).

Things change very rapidly in the first few weeks of college. Call me back in a month. Tell her to find some people to go to the football game with Thursday night. Go Duke![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics