Reply to Can cleanliness standards be an enforceable part of a parenting plan?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am in a miserable marriage with a severely ADHD spouse. The mental load has led to fatigue and contempt on my part and I’m approaching the point of filing for divorce.

My concern is that DH lives in filth. He has his own bedroom/office/bathroom in our house that are locked and inaccessible to the children. These spaces are full of trash, dirty dishes, dirty clothes, cardboard boxes. The toilet never gets cleaned and has visible feces and no toilet paper. There is a layer of dust and grime over everything.

The rest of our house is clean because I maintain it and require it to be clean. I am afraid if we divorce that my kids will going into an environment like my husbands office and i can’t live with that, so I stay.

But I’m reaching the end of my rope. Would it be possible to include and enforce standards of cleanliness for the residence where he goes with my children? I recognize I could always call CPS if it were bad enough but I don’t want to approach this problem that way. DH is a loving father, he’s just extremely incompetent and limited. I don’t want to have to build a case against him to try and get sole custody or supervised visitation.

I wonder if anyone has ever been able to have and enforce cleanliness standards in a parenting plan? Or is that just a recipe for disaster/more fighting?

I’m really trying to stay but feeling more and more like I just can’t but allowing him to be alone with my kids feels unacceptable.

[/quote]

The dirty dishes and food breed cockroaches and mice.  He sounds like a hoarder and you might be able to use this as a wedge.  Good luck.

[/quote]

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