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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you are the mom. You cannot change her but it is up to you, the adult, to figure out ways to relate to her, interests you can share, etc.

Post on the SN Forum for ideas re: how to connect with teens.

What was your childhood like? Were you a family scapegoat or bullied in school? Have you been diagnosed with anxiety, depression or ADD? Your reaction to all of this, if you are not trolling, is odd and not at all healthy.

Where is the younger child in the mix?

How have you consistently spent time one on one with older child and younger, separately? How often do you and DH spend time together, alone or with other couples? 
[/quote]

I scheduled date nights with DH and arranged a sitter for those nights, at least once a month for many years.  I scheduled all of our anniversary dinners, birthday dinners.  The anniversary dinners - he never even knew it was our anniversary - just showed up for the meal.

Most of the times I have tried to do one on one things with my older child, has been disastrous.  Either she sulks and says it's more fun with her dad, or when she was younger, she'd actually throw a tantrum because it was something out of her norm.

I kinda stopped trying this past year, both on scheduling those date nights with DH, and also trying to connect with my daughter and spend time with her. Partly because I got a demanding job this year, and I just couldn't handle the mental load.  I was diagnosed with both anxiety and ADD.  I suspect I have seasonal affective depression.

My childhood was... I had emotionally immature parents. Dad was abusive. [b]Mom is anxious and needed me to be the perfect child[/b]. [/quote]

Op, do you think maybe you’re replaying some element of your childhood out with your dd?  Being anxious and trying for perfection with her, only to have her reject your efforts?

I think some therapy for yourself may be in order here.  [/quote]

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