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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]John Gottman says that 75% of what you fight about on day 1 of your marriage, you will be fighting about in year 20. Meaning, the conflicts don't change much. He says the best thing you can do is negotiate something that works for both of you. For many on this thread, that involves the Buddhist idea of detaching from expectations (yours and society's). For others, that might not work. But whatever you are doing now isn't working, so why not try something different?

John Gottman also says you need a ratio of 5:1, good to bad interaction to have a healthy marriage. One way to do that is to see the good in your spouse like thanking them for taking out the trash (even if you had to nag to get him to do it). I found the more I notice and thank him for what he does, the more he notices and thanks me for what I do. [/quote]

I hate ALL of those 'marriage experts' & I'm going to smack the next person who starts in on 'love languages' ....

I'm glad they enjoy being rich and selling books but I'm sick of it.

But yes, common sense says that if you want someone to be near you don't criticize them and treat them like trash.
No love circles need be drawn..[/quote]

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