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[quote=Anonymous]That although I am committed to our life together I'm never going to be madly in love with him.

I had a terrible childhood and as an adult I got into a repeating pattern of trying to win a man's approval, finally getting it, and getting bored or resentful or panicked because I hadn't succeeded in getting my parents' approval.

Since I've been with my husband I've learned a lot in therapy - including that - and it's made me a much better spouse than ever before.  But I know that I'm not capable of feeling what my husband does for me. I spend a lot of time inside my head, imagining the person I would be if I'd been strong enough to fight back or walk away as a teen. I imagine the man that strong young woman would be with; I imagine the kind of partner I would be to him.

And since I missed out on decades of good stuff, of healthy feelings, it feels good to daydream about what I missed.

I really am good to my husband and I'm a great mom. And friend. And colleague. I'm good at all of it. But my heart is somewhere else.

The funny thing is my husband honestly doesn't notice.  I do everything for him and for us, and it apparently hasn't occurred to him that I would not have chosen our life if I'd gotten off to a less disastrous start. [/quote]

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