Anonymous
Post 02/09/2016 10:19     Subject: Re:What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
Anonymous wrote:We've had a rough few years. Two children. PPD. Unemployment (yours). Being promoted and forced to move everyone to Paris for 6 months during a winter the sun never came out (me). A stroke (yours). Gaining 20 pounds from stress eating (me). An awful sex dry period (both of us).

I sometimes feel like you don't love me, but respect my commitment to the cause (our marriage).

But then you baked me my favorite bread. And brought me coffee. And woke me up at 5 am so we could snack and cuddle in bed.

And all is right in the world. We'll be fine.
bb

I'm so glad you wrote this. We have had similar experiences over the last few years. Intuitively I know that things are getting better but reading your post made me realize that last week, for the first time in a long time, DH gave me a massage and brought me a glass of wine in bed to relax me as I was so stressed about work.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2016 08:04     Subject: Re:What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That DH's high school friend/ex short term gf is nice and all but that I think her twice yearly 'pleasant emails' are, in part, to keep her foot in the door in case I screw up or die or whatever and it's just kind of obvious. That I remember him telling me that her husband sucks in bed and has a lot of hang ups and, well, he doesn't so it's like she's a vulture circling...


I have the same problem.


Oh, I'm sorry. It's so weird. It did help for me to point out to her that I was reading the stuff she was sending my husband.
She really went kind of nuclear which concerns me - why did she have expectations of privacy with someone else's husband?
Why did that bother her so much? It's like she lives in her own little weird fantasy world.
So, now she says she won't contact my husband at all, won't go to her high school reunion (boo fucking hoo - who cares?
She's 48 years old!). So, it's inappropriate relationship or nothing apparently.

My husband called what I did 'very effective' and found it kind of amusing. I wish he wouldn't do stuff like that - why not just temper things himself?
I'm not impressed. He does know that. Life is back to normal and I love the man.

Mrs overly religious doesn't seem so religious to me (they're hosting conservative politicians at their home even - figures).
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2016 01:27     Subject: What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
This is about a friend, does that count? It's a thing I cannot say. I'd tell him that I love him, that no one else compares to him. It's been years and I still feel this way. He's always been there for me, always listens to me, really acts like he cares even though he doesn't say it. I wish we could tell each other how we feel, but I'm afraid to say it because Im pretty sure that he thinks of me as just a friend. And once you let those words out there's no going back.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2016 14:13     Subject: Re:What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That staging a 6000 sf house and keeping it perfect nearly killed me as I had to do it all solo with three young kids while he was constantly traveling. I know he appreciates me but I don't think he appreciated the hours of backbreaking work it took to do this all on my own. I wish he appreciated it more.


This is sarcasm right?


This is called a humble brag...woe is me and my 6000 sf house!
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2016 13:45     Subject: What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Two things strike me about this thread. First, the number of women complaining that their DHs are out of shape - would expect that to be more of a complaint coming from men. Second, how little effort a lot of men put into sex. Amazing what a bit of attention probably would do....


Makes me jealous of those other couples. I'm very attentive when it comes to sex, and my DW doesn't seem to appreciate it all that much.


Just because you're attentive doesn't mean you're any good. My DH would love to spend hours giving me oral but he sucks at it
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2016 13:29     Subject: What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
I wish you stop being so shy about anything having to do with sexuality. Get yourself checked out and get Viagra if needed.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2016 23:47     Subject: What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
You picked the wrong one buddy. But, you'll learn.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2016 22:06     Subject: Re:What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
Anonymous wrote:That DH's high school friend/ex short term gf is nice and all but that I think her twice yearly 'pleasant emails' are, in part, to keep her foot in the door in case I screw up or die or whatever and it's just kind of obvious. That I remember him telling me that her husband sucks in bed and has a lot of hang ups and, well, he doesn't so it's like she's a vulture circling...


I have the same problem.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2016 21:52     Subject: What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
All your bad habits and lack of initiative in the house is the same as your father. No friends, no hobbies, no ideas, no initiative.
No wonder your mom didn't fight it and just settled for doing nothing all the time. It's too exhausting doing everything for everyone!
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2016 00:08     Subject: Re:What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
That although I am committed to our life together I'm never going to be madly in love with him.

I had a terrible childhood and as an adult I got into a repeating pattern of trying to win a man's approval, finally getting it, and getting bored or resentful or panicked because I hadn't succeeded in getting my parents' approval.

Since I've been with my husband I've learned a lot in therapy - including that - and it's made me a much better spouse than ever before. But I know that I'm not capable of feeling what my husband does for me. I spend a lot of time inside my head, imagining the person I would be if I'd been strong enough to fight back or walk away as a teen. I imagine the man that strong young woman would be with; I imagine the kind of partner I would be to him.

And since I missed out on decades of good stuff, of healthy feelings, it feels good to daydream about what I missed.

I really am good to my husband and I'm a great mom. And friend. And colleague. I'm good at all of it. But my heart is somewhere else.

The funny thing is my husband honestly doesn't notice. I do everything for him and for us, and it apparently hasn't occurred to him that I would not have chosen our life if I'd gotten off to a less disastrous start.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2016 20:57     Subject: What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
That I Have ADD and he is terrible in bed.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 22:36     Subject: What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
You gossip like a girl. It makes you look weak.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 12:19     Subject: What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
Anonymous wrote:
Oh no ... so you mean my boys may never 'grow out' of not brushing their teeth? Every single day I have to nag and remind them. Dang, I feel sorry for their future spouses.


They'll grow out of it once they drop $1600 on a root canal and $200 on fillings....
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2016 14:18     Subject: Re:What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That DH's high school friend/ex short term gf is nice and all but that I think her twice yearly 'pleasant emails' are, in part, to keep her foot in the door in case I screw up or die or whatever and it's just kind of obvious. That I remember him telling me that her husband sucks in bed and has a lot of hang ups and, well, he doesn't so it's like she's a vulture circling...


Wow. That's exactly what she's doing. Not being sarcastic.




Seriously. The fact that he knows too-intimate details like the husband's performance in bed is not good

If she is actually a threat to your marriage maybe you should address this. With her! can you politely and discretely intimidate the hell out of her?


Yes - I'm thinking along the lines of 'Dearest Suzy, thank you so much for contacting my husband with cute short little notes every fucking goddamned day.
Is this because your husband is not available for some reason? You know I'm here to talk if you need' Hugs.'

I mean my husband brought my coffee in bed 3x this week. I can't think of what to say to him except thanks.



I just sent her a message peppered with the cutesy words she sent in her note to my husband and she still doesn't get it - she's just so damned dim.
I need a drink!
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2016 12:06     Subject: Re:What would you really like to tell your spouse or partner but can't or won't?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That DH's high school friend/ex short term gf is nice and all but that I think her twice yearly 'pleasant emails' are, in part, to keep her foot in the door in case I screw up or die or whatever and it's just kind of obvious. That I remember him telling me that her husband sucks in bed and has a lot of hang ups and, well, he doesn't so it's like she's a vulture circling...


Wow. That's exactly what she's doing. Not being sarcastic.




Seriously. The fact that he knows too-intimate details like the husband's performance in bed is not good

If she is actually a threat to your marriage maybe you should address this. With her! can you politely and discretely intimidate the hell out of her?


Yes - I'm thinking along the lines of 'Dearest Suzy, thank you so much for contacting my husband with cute short little notes every fucking goddamned day.
Is this because your husband is not available for some reason? You know I'm here to talk if you need' Hugs.'

I mean my husband brought my coffee in bed 3x this week. I can't think of what to say to him except thanks.