Reply to About to Jump Off a Ledge Over Upcoming MIL Visit, Please Talk Me Down

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have an overbearing MIL. When she visits, I basically hide in my room to avoid her. The last few times she visited, I went nuclear on DH after she left. I was mad at him for weeks. I told DH that if she visits, he must take time off and entertain her and he cannot stay here with me and the kids while he is at work. I also said that she should visit his brother next. BIL just moved close to us and bought a new home with extra bedrooms. It has now been over a year since MIL visited. DH has gone up to visit his mother twice.

I was ready to divorce DH over this. I wanted to go to counseling. We have talked about this at nauseam. DH has acknowledged his mother is difficult. He also acknowledged that his own brother doesn’t want to deal with his mom, which is why he doesn’t want to host her either. He acknowledges how unfair and why I would be upset being stuck with his mom who both he and his brother also don’t want to be around. I feel heard.[/quote]
Sounds like a great outcome! Too bad it had to come to a screaming match before he finally smartened up. [/quote]

Oh it is still a point of contention. He literally just mentioned a few days ago how his mother is not allowed to visit. I reminded him that his brother can host her and she can visit or she can visit when DH can host his mother. DH and BIL talked about how BIL can host his mom next over a year ago. BIL agreed but he obviously doesn’t want to. [/quote]

I'm OP and this is also very similar to our situation.  We've been through all that kind of thing over the years. Currently BIL will not even be in the same room with MIL, much less host her.  But I do remember how, when I tried a zero tolerance policy and there was all the screaming and shouting and so on, followed by me leaving DH until he promised no more MIL in our house, that he never stopped being resentful over it and bringing it up every once in a while.  Stay firm, though - you give an inch, and she'll be back in there.  I mean, don't even blink.[/quote]

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