Reply to About to Jump Off a Ledge Over Upcoming MIL Visit, Please Talk Me Down

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is the DH's family from South Asia? [/quote]

How do South Asian-American women deal with MILS like this? Please give this poor foreigner OP some tips on how it’s done.[/quote]

I'm the Pakistani poster from before and most MIL arent like this anymore. Also read some Jhumpa Lahiri to get some insight.  a lot of people are imposing cultural mores from pre-partition or something on unsuspecting foreigners or kids raised here and using the excuse that this is our culture when no-one behaves like this in modern day South Asia except illiterates from the village who are constantly needing intervention from NGOs and government task forces.

I know some women who are stuck living with unpleasant MILs, waiting for citizenship  and stuff like that BUT usually the husbands are super aware that their home life is being affected and try to make it up to their wives by spending time with them, helping out around the house without being asked b/c they know that if MIL hears the DIL ask, it'll cause unpleasantness and MEN of all cultures are more conflict avoidant and cowardly in relationships compared to women.  They'll also accede to requests like creating a sitting area in the master with a lock on it and the family hangs out there away form the unpleasant in laws, or they set up the MIL with her own space.  also will go on mini family breaks and leave the MIL behind- go out for sushi or something that she thinks is gross and cant eat.  A lot of people will also go on regular weekly date nights and expect the MIL to feed the tween and clean up after them.  No-one puts up with this stuff anymore- its very out dated and ppl are tryin to take advantage of ignorance and saying it's cultural' when the culture back home has also moved on from this lack of boundaries, lack of privacy  and hierarchical nonsense.

you can also just lean into her cleaning and cooking and laundry ways and explicitly tell her what you want done- basically treat her like the help. after dinner, go to your private sitting area with your husband and son and watch tv while she cleans up. if she follows you- get up and go to the kitchen and clean up by yourself with music on. either way you get some respite from her. [u]Also get locks for closets and doors  [/u]! in South Asia, f something isn't purposefully Locked up and nailed down, doors closed and locked- they are fair game.  other people will not respect your privacy yuo have to be vigilant about creating private zones and policing them with locks. [/quote]

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