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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I look more highly upon married people than unmarried ones. Bonus points for length of marriage. It just signals maturity.

I am a young childless woman BTW.[/quote]

You clearly know nothing about marriage. My parents have been miserable for 50 years and I can barely stand to be around them, but hey, they’re married. In my opinion they both wasted their lives.[/quote]

So life is all about being happily married? Do they have friends, careers, extended family, volunteer positions?

You are such a narrow minded person.[/quote]

Actually, no, they don't have those things. My dad had a career. The rest? No. They don't have friends, they are not close to their families, they don't volunteer. There is literally nothing there. They did not build anything. They are two people who hate each other who barely speak in the same house.

I ended up in a similar marriage. Thank God, I got divorced.

Marriage does not equal success. Only a quality marriage is successful. [/quote]
Ummmm it sounds like your parents, and you and your DH, were major losers who had huge issues unrelated to marriage. Although to their credit, rather than being single losers alone and no one ever living to tell the story, your parents managed to sustain a marriage for 50 years which is no minor feat. Sounds like the better outcome, all things considered.[/quote]
NP. I think staying married where you aren’t kind to each other and don’t enjoy each other’s company is a failure. My parents were like this too. Pretty sure they stayed together for us kids and then because it was too late and too much of a hassle to do anything else. It was a bad model for me. Passive aggression and apathy. [b]Being single doesn’t make you a loser, being stuck in an awful marriage might. [/b]It’s such a waste of a life. [/quote]
Not saying it does, but PP said her parents had no friends, no family, no love, no nothing. Being a generally miserable person has nothing to do with marriage. There are just as many people in the world who are miserable and single. Maybe they decided it’s better to be miserable together than miserable alone? In which case, you can’t deny that there is a level of perserverance and commitment to another person there that a miserable single person does not have. Plus, they raised children together which involves *some* level of sacrifice. Nobody’s perfect![/quote]

Yep agree they just sound miserable and would be miserable no matter what . If you’re married and don’t like each other but want to stay for money and other reasons, why not just pursue your own hobbies and friends? There are lots of older couples I know of that do things like go on trips separately, have separate friends, belong to lots of clubs without their spouse (ladies’ clubs, volunteer groups, etc). Why not just spend the majority of your time cultivating an interesting life of your own? [/quote]

Because people are flawed and we disrespect people we don't care about. This all sounds lovely till you find out you aren't coming home to a kind roommate situation but a sulking person who blames their life on you. This is why it doesn't work. You can't usually just switch off from married life to roommate life.[/quote]

DP.

This has nothing to do with married life or single life.

Whether you are in a happy marriage or not, you need to have a separate identity. You need hobbies, passions, friends l, community outside of your spouse

If you don't have these, you are a loser even if your marriage is happy. Marriage is not life. It's a small part of it. You can still suck at most if it and be happily married. These parents sucked at most of life and were not happily married.

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