Reply to Husband making comments about my dad's will

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm 54 and have been divorced for about five years. So, it's not far fetched to imagine that I could marry a man about 10 years older than me in a few years. If this future husband were widowed with children, I can't imagine expecting that he'd put all that he and his wife, and perhaps his or her parents, built in terms of wealth at my disposal without protecting the nest egg that could help his offspring fully flourish. If I did, that would be a big red flag for everybody involved.

Now if he had significantly more money than me such that his money enabled my lifestyle to change considerably, I'd ask that he leave me enough money to ensure that I'd have complete security in my older age so that I could continue living the new posh lifestyle till the end, or at least be able to stay in his Mar-a-Lago apartment style condo till I passed away. But once I die, that Mar-a-Lago type place should be sold and given to his children. If my child from my first marriage was especially kind and loving with him, then perhaps he'd want to leave a big chunk of money or something valuable to my child as a token of his affection. (Besides, my kid will eventually get my estate, plus that of his dad.) But the main part of the second husband's estate should go to his offspring. And that would be the case even if I did lots of caregiving at the end and his children did very little. Because all that time he was alive, including while I was nursing him, I'd be enjoying the posh lifestyle that I couldn't have bought myself. And realistically, people with big bucks don't actually have to change bedpans for their husbands on their death beds. There are people you can pay to do that for you. The job of a rich wife at that point is to keep him company, read to him, help him write letters or emails to his friends and family, supervise and make sure that the caregivers are treating him with kindness and respect, and being his advocate with the medical team. That's not so much to ask if you love someone. There will be time for tennis games and lunch with the Golden Girls after he's passed away. You don't marry someone when you're 58 if you aren't ready to undertake those duties. Well, you shouldn't. Also, from the time I'm 58 and married this wealthy man, my income would likely no longer be needed for living expenses, so I could invest it or save it in ways that I couldn't if I were still unmarried. That would mean my child would likely inherit more from me than they otherwise would have.

If I were OP, I'd sit with this scenario for a bit. Imagine what must be going through her dad's girlfriend's mind right now. What motivation could she possibly have for wanting her dad to set aside his children in favor of her child? Sure, she would want to be certain of having financial security in her old age and throughout the remainder of her life. That is definitely fair. But why would dad's girlfriend ever want more than that? Why would she ever want to transfer his money from his children to her own child? There really isn't any legitimate reason that I can come up with, other than greed. Frankly, if I were your dad's fiancee, I'd insist on writing out all of this very clearly before the wedding. If nothing else, it will clear the air and proactively ensure that nobody from your family would ever be able to question her motives. Perhaps she'll fall ill and be unable to care for your dad in their home. Her decision to put him in a nursing home would look very different to you and your siblings if you know that she isn't able to dump him in a care home and run off with his money. If she isn't willing to sign docs agreeing to this sort of estate plan, then I'd ask your dad to reconsider the formal marriage. I don't think you mentioned this, but if your dad is "self-made" and didn't inherit money, he may not even realize that there are options such as a life estate that he could employ to protect his children. There is no reason that his money needs to become "his and her" money, nor do I see any reason that it should beyond what it takes to ensure that she is able to live comfortably after his death. Why in the world should she want to control his money after she's dead?[/quote]

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