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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]40+, male, and married for just over 20 years. The last 3-4 of which have been awful. Did couples counseling twice and she ended it both times. Been seeing a shrink myself for various related and non related issues. 
I’ve purposely changed my schedule in the past 6 months, aiming to be out of the house more (I work part of the time from a home office), and make more social relations outside the marriage. I’ve also started doing more sports and going to the gym after a couple of years I’ve really neglected myself. 
Thing is this… our sex life is dead. We’ve  probably had sex 5 times in the past 3 years. Non in a year now. We are basically not intimate with each other and she shows little to no physical affection towards me.
Few days ago the she asked me if I was intimate with another women… and out of instinct I said: “it’s no longer your business”. 
I’m not actually intimate with another women, but I’m definitely more open to it as this situation prolongs. We have 2 kids, and I would like to keep living under the same roof as them. Divorce would also be very hard on me financially. And truthfully, I still love my wife in many ways. However, I also think/feel that 43 is way to early to give up on any kind of physical relationship. Was I wrong to tell her it’s no longer her business as she’s made it clear she has no interest, or obligation, in sex with me? 
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Forget couples counseling, it's not a cure all. Especially if both of you won't try and change.  For whatever reason she's not attracted to you. Whether it's your attitude, or physical no one can say except her.  The thing is you can't force being attracted or wanting to have sex when you don't.  In many if not most relationships it's going to change as you get older.  At least you recognize it's only one aspect of many in a marriage. Yes kids and finances should be put first.

OP if you both get along fairly well I agree it's best to stay married with kids there. I know too many people that can't stand the steps, or the intrusive ex.  You'll both likely take your problems with you.  At this point try to improve your attitude and talk to her.[/quote]

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