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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm reading some of the stories and the one thing that stands out is the sibling who ends up being the primary caretaker for the aging parents.

I'm sort of falling into that position and until this was happening I never realized how demanding it can be, mentally and physically. I work full time at a demanding job and still spend a good chunk of my non-working hours attending to my parents' needs. My father needs more attention and part of my caretaking is being there so my mother has freedom to run errands and do other things. But I also do a lot around their house and errands for them and stay on top of their healthcare. And I can see this is only going to get more and more time consuming as they get older. It really is becoming another job on top of my job. My sister lives a hour away but she's never stepped up nor shows any interest in stepping up and based on her character I don't see her ever being anything more than the occasional visitor.

I am not passing judgment but I'm now more understanding of wills that end up leaving the lion's share of the estate to the caretaker sibling. There's a fairness to it. I am not going to expect that with my parents and certainly have not broached the subject but I do know they are aware of the differences in attention from their children. [/quote]

NP.  I get this, and generally share your understanding.  But I'll share a different spin.  My sister has recently begun to assume this type of caretaker role with our mom.  My sister is older than me and married young, so her two children just graduated from college.  She has a great remote job that allows her a lot of flexibility, and lives less than 20 minutes from our mom.  By comparison, I have three young kids (10 and under), live 3 hours away, and my job is not flexible.  So it's not that I don't want to help care more for my mom, but I simply can't get down there every week to help with groceries, doctors appts and such.  I've tried to convince my mom to move back to NoVa but she has no interest.  My sister has a higher paying consulting job and no childcare costs.  So I will admit that the notion of her being given a greater share of the inheritance would be very disappointing.  I appreciate all she is doing and that it is hard work.  But our situations are very different.[/quote]

PP, what would work for you? I don't mean that in a crass way, but what if it was 60-40? [/quote]

And to add - for the first time in years your sister actually has time for herself, career, spouse after the hamster wheel of work, childrearing, etc. It's a big ask for her to now be primary caregiver for your elderly mom - for free and with apparently little emotional or physical support from you. It's a thankless task and you think she's due? Wow.[/quote]

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