Reply to I don't think I can be friends with moms who drive huge SUVs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The funniest thing about this thread is all the people patting themselves on the back for their perceived virtue, and castigating others for their lack of virtue, really and truly believe that individual changes matter one iota with respect to climate change.  They don't.  If it makes you feel better, fine, but if you really believe that driving an Accord as opposed to a Suburban changes anything at all, you don't have two brain cells to rub together.  [/quote]

I disagree. The thread isn't even just about SUVs and the environment. The thread is about how it's hard to be friends with people who engage in this kind of competitive consumerism and lifestyle. It's not that people drive SUVs, it's that ALL the families in this particular group drive the same SUVs. Their kids do the same activities to the same degree. They wear the same clothes. The go on the same vacations.

I don't want to be friends with people like that either. Because they are communicating to me that they value not only these specific things (large vehicles, travel sports, conspicuous consumption) but also that they value being part of the group that does it. And that makes me nervous. [b]If I became friends with those women, would I suddenly feel like I needed an SUV or to dress my kids a certain way or to travel to certain places just to fit in? I don't want to do things just to fit in. [/b]On the other hand, I also don't want to constantly be the outlier in a group, the one person who doesn't do the thing that everyone else does. It's fine to be an outlier sometimes, everyone is. It sucks to be a permanent outlier, "the weird one."

Which is why I value a community where you don't see that kind of sameness. I bet if OP encountered a group of moms at the grocery store and one or two of them had SUVS, one one of them was talking about travel soccer while the others clearly didn't do it, where they were dressed differently for their various lives/jobs/hobbies, she wouldn't have had this reaction, even if she doesn't like SUVs in general. Maybe the two moms with SUVs have big families, maybe one of them is a florist and needs it for transport, who knows.

But when EVERYONE is doing the same thing, you know that some people are just doing it because it's what people do. It's off-putting. I wouldn't want to be friends with them either, and I have friends who drive SUVs, and friends who's kids are in travel sports. But I also have friends who aren't, and I can't imagine a situation where I would be around a group of moms I know and we'd all be driving the same car, talking about the same activity, wearing the same clothes, etc. First off, that sounds boring. But also I just seek out more diversity in my relationships than that.[/quote]

You are calling everyone weak-minded and conformist, and yet you are so afraid that you won't be able to resist the clarion call of the white SUV that you refuse to befriend people who drive them? Who is the sheep, yeesh[/quote]

I didn't call anyone weak-minded and conformist, those are your words. I explained what I view to be the problem with a very homogenous group, and the pressures it puts on newcomers to conform. I, like almost all humans, want to fit in -- it's part of our social drive. But a homogenous group requires conformity to fit in, whereas a divers group does not. Thus I prefer a diverse group, where I will experience less pressure to change my behavior to match the rest of the group, because everyone has accepted a certain degree of difference as normal.

It's interesting to me that you read my post (or at least part of it), and assumed I was saying that everyone except me is weak-minded and conformist. I wonder why your brain incorrectly leapt to that conclusion even though I don't say that anywhere in my post.[/quote]

OP here. Thanks for responding, and thanks to others for sharing their perspectives. I didn't think about tall people. I still don't believe an escalade is necessary. I have friends with mid-sized SUVs. I also forgot about the obesity problem in the US. SUVs are more comfortable for people like that. A lot of Americans go into debt buying these cars too. That's a form of oppression. After I finished college in a rural part of the US, I sold the prius and moved to DC. I used public transportation until we had our first child. Dh bought a small car behind me, but I wanted to be carless. We aren't in the DC suburbs. We moved to another part of the US, and living in the city was unsafe, so we moved to the suburbs. I still need to understand the difference between rec sports and travel. Would a rec team only play with kids in Arlington, for example? And a travel team plays with kids in Maryland and VA? I thought these parents were flying to Texas every month or something like that. That doesn't sound bad if they are getting away every few months.

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