Reply to Almost former ILs still want their "party"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think they're panicking because they're finally having to confront that the divorce is real.  And if your STBX has failed to communicate with them about Thanksgiving, I understand that they would be annoyed.  They probably didn't ask him because they didn't realize there was any change that they needed to ask about.

Ask yourself what kind of relationship you want with them in the future.  If you want to be invited to some Christmas stuff, think how you can behave now to make that more likely.

It's normal for the grandparents to get anxious about a divorce.  They're probably going to be seeing less of their grandchildren, forever, especially if their son doesn't do a good job facilitating it.  Nobody here is getting the family they wanted-- not you, not the kids, and not the grandparents.  The sooner they accept that, the better.[/quote]

[b]I have told them before that they have access to kids any time. [/b]Their cousins can call them, text them, whatever. But yes, the holidays will now be separate. Birthdays or graduations can be together but it is now for the kids to invite them. I don't think I have to go that extra mile. I do want to have my own holidays with MY children. It is not too much to ask. I look forward to not cooking dinner for 25+ people, some of whom have outrageous diets. I look forward to not spending a lot of money on just food. I look forward to actually relaxing this holiday season.[/quote]

Anyone with a shred of EQ would realize that OPs comment about seeing the kids anytime is not literal. Do the ILs expect to go on vacation with OP and her kids? Do they want to go to OP’s family reunion? As we’ve seen from OPs post, though, the ILs are missing that shred.

You have told them they have access to the kids on Thanksgiving day, then.  You have to be clear.  Don’t say “any time” if you don’t mean it.[/quote][/quote]

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