Reply to How to keep the other woman away from my child?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How to keep the other woman away from my child?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have had some sleep and put the wine down and reread your messages. I hear you, I hear you. I'm going to take the high road and Hope that this woman will be good to my child. The infertility remarks will really mean and unnecessary I'm just hurt. I thought I was over all of this when the divorce was final, but hearing they were moving in together opened up new wounds. I didn't know he was still with her. I knew he was seeing someone but all my energy has been thrown into work and my child because I've read books about the effects of divorce on young children. It's not a good feeling when your husband leaves you for someone else. The fact that he's been with her for more than a decade means that there's probably some kind of substance to the relationship and I can't just pretend she was one of the many that he would run through in the past. I love my child very much and the last thing I want to do is hurt them. I've made an emergency therapy appointment that I am thankfully able to do via video chat. I'm trying really hard not to feel like this man stole my life I don't recognize myself I wasn't always this bitter..... I appreciate all the advice. [/quote]

OK, I'm the PP who called you a terrible person. I'm sorry I said that. Calling infertility "karma" was a terrible thing for you to say, but saying something terrible is not the same thing as being a terrible person. I've said terrible things in my life, too, when I was hurt and lashing out. To be 100% honest: I recognize what you said about pain making you bitter. After I lost my 4th pregnancy, I felt like the bottomless pain had turned me into a horrible person, and it was yet another thing that infertility had stolen from me. I hated the person I'd become. Over the years, I felt my own sense of balance and decency coming back, but apparently all it takes is a nasty DCUM post for me to turn into that person again. :( We both still have some healing to do.

It sounds like you are on the right path. It really seems like what you lost wasn't this guy, but the life and dream of what you thought your life with him could be. He is no great prize. His character is obviously... not there. I am sure it doesn't feel like you're better off without him, but I hope that someday at the other end you'll feel that way... because you deserve better. Even if you, like me, have your nasty and vengeful moments. You deserve honesty and respect, which he did not give you.

That's great that you found an online therapist. It sounds like you know that top priority needs to be making this smooth for your child, not obstructing her. I know it will hurt if and when she develops a relationship with the OW, but believe me, NOTHING in the universe can replace your role in her life. Nothing. If the OW loves her, it's just another person to love and support your child.  And someday she (or he, though for some reason I've been imagining your child as a daughter) will look back and say "Damn, my mom was a class act. It must have killed her to always be so polite and supportive about OW, but she cared about me more than her own feelings."

Best of luck to you.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics