Reply to How to keep the other woman away from my child?

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[quote=Anonymous]First, OP, I commend you for coming back to this a few different times and reflecting on the advice/comments you've been given here. Not everyone would have the grace to admit that they have realized that they were making mistakes. And good for you for making a therapy appointment, too. I think you're going to find it so useful to speak to someone about all of this.

Second, if you are reading this thread and you've never been through this, consider yourselves lucky. And if you have and you've never had any of these negative thoughts - you're a better person than I am. Feeling like I lost my husband to the OW was tough. Feeling like I could potentially lose my kids to her, well...that cut me in a way that I've never felt before. Seeing her in the passenger seat as my ex drives, watching my kids pile in the back and go off on an adventure with them that I'm not a part of...that's caused me some indescribable pain. Sometimes it feels like someone just plucked me out of his life and inserted her in my spot.

But...guess what? I can keep crying and complaining about it, but it's not going to change anything. The phrase "it is what it is" is overused, but sometimes, it fits. This is one of those situations. The OW is not a horrible person. Clearly, she has some different morals than I do, but she treats my children very well, and she genuinely seems to like them as people. It's not her fault that my marriage broke apart. She didn't make vows to me, HE did. As much as it's easier and sometimes more comfortable to place the blame squarely on her, he's most at fault. But honestly, it doesn't even matter - because my kids love their father and need to be with him, and whether I like it or not, he comes with OW as a package deal.

It's taken me a while to be able to live without this pain weighing me down. In time, it will come for you, too. There are still moments where I get a sharp twinge of hurt, but it's less frequent and passes more quickly than it used to. Therapy helps. Finding things to look forward to when I don't have the kids with me helps. Talking with friends helps. Find whatever you can to make you happy and less focused on the OW. I promise it will get easier. [/quote]

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