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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You can't unilaterally decided to open up a marriage without the other partners input or ground rules and then claim it's not cheating. It's analogous to telling someone you're going to steal their French fry off their plate without letting them say yes or no[/quote]

You must have missed the fact she unilaterally decided to not have a normal sex life. What’s fair for her, is fair for him too. She changed the sexual rules first to allow one partner to make selfish unloving decisions without the other partners input.[/quote]

I don't get your point. What is the benefit of declaring "I am going to cheat from now on" (which is identical to declaring an open marriage)? To get the spouse to file because you don't have the guts yourself, so you can tell yourself (and others) that you wanted to preserve the marriage but the spouse didn't? [/quote]

What is the point in staying married to somebody you don't want sex with? Is that just a selfish attempt to force your normal libido spouse into filing for divorce because you don't have the guts yourself?

Basically any and everything you might say about a spouse declaring Open Marriage, I can reverse your words and say the exact same thing about a spouse declaring Sexless marriage. Because these are 100% equivalent, despicable, unloving acts. If anything, the sexless marriage declaration is far WORSE because that comes unprompted. At least the Open Marriage is a justified response to the spouse who struck first with the sexless marriage declaration.[/quote]

If absence of sex doesn't bother me then why wouldn't I stay in the marriage if the rest is fine. No need for divorce. 
I still don't understand what's a "declared open marriage". Any state will at fault divorce grant one for your actions without any wait time. Is that the point? I will give you that it's a response to the absence of sex, but it's not justified. Leave, file for divorce if you are unhappy, don't pretend you are preserving the marriage. [/quote]

Likewise, if you don't care about sex why divorce a partner who's just informed you the marriage is Open when everything else is fine? No need for divorce.
A declared open marriage is the same as a declared sexless marriage: both are unilateral decisions about sex in the marriage any regard for how the other spouse thinks about it. Very few states now care about your sex life. You can easily get a divorce no matter who you are (or are not) having sex with. How can you say that declaring Sexless is justified yet declaring Open is not justified? These are 100% equivalent. Some people it seems like their marriage in all respects except for sex. So why divorce over something so unimportant as sex? If it's not important enough to have regularly, why divorce over something so insignificant (... when you spouse goes elsewhere for it). Just be happy some other woman is doing the job you don't want. Meanwhile you keep your otherwise happy marriage going. Win-Win.[/quote]
There is a need for divorce if your husband cheating disgusts you or bothers you. It's one thing to agree on an open marriage and another to declare it. You are trying to present the declaration as a viable alternative to sexless. It is not. An open marriage is only an alternative if both parties agree. If you have to declare, then there is no agreement and all you do is not filing for divorce first.
I never said anything about justified sexless, I only said that there is nothing justified about cheating, which is what you are doing by declaring. There multiple reasons why the marriage becomes sexless and low libido is often just a convenient excuse, there are always other problems (despite OP's attempt at portraying it as all good). [/quote]
It's one thing to agree to a sexless marriage and another thing to declare it. If both parties did not agree (in advance) to the sexless marriage, then it is not necessary to obtain your spouse's "approval" before declaring the marriage Open. If either side is unhappy with being in a sexless or Open marriage which they did not consent to, there is an easy exit called divorce. Apparently though, some people want to stay together "for the kids" or for financial reasons so that is a deterrent to simply getting divorced. The innocent victim in these situations is the normal libido spouse who had no choice in the marriage becoming sexless. So if this spouse prefers to stay married by Open it, that is fair and reasonable and let the spouse who's guilty of destroying the marriage (by initially declaring it Sexless) be then one to decide on staying or divorcing. An Open marriage is not cheating, it is a lifestyle choice just like celibacy is a lifestyle choice for the spouse who declared the marriage Sexless.[/quote]

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