Reply to Bullying, physical and sexual assaults at DCPS elementary and nothing being done by principal

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a child with special needs and my child doesn't create problems for other students.  If anything I'm more concerned that my child would be a victim.

Because of my child's vulnerability, I definitely feel the need to know that the family of an aggressive child (SN or not) is on top of the case and reinforcing the message that bullying is wrong.

You personally (not just your child) would owe my child and my family an apology.  It's really not enough to expect the school to manage it - they aren't in session 24x7.  You have more time with your child than they do.  [/quote]

As a special needs parent, I'd expect you to also know that changing behavior isn't as simply as "reinforcing a message", and also that for the very young ones, it's not actually "bullying" because there's no intent behind it.  Go ahead and ask for the apology, but [b]realize that it has to do with YOU feeling better[/b], and not about putting the focus where it needs to be (the school supporting the classroom.)  [/quote]

And that's important, because I'm the one that has to be calm and comfort my child.  My child was abused by yours, and you want to walk away and expect the school to do your work for you.  It's not like that.  I have to comfort my child - which means you owe to society to help make up for the harm your child has caused.  If all I feel is anger and fear because of your child and the problem that you unleashed on us, then I can't effectively do both my job and yours - [b]which is trying to make up for your mistake.[/b]
[/quote]

Ok, I'll grovel if you really think it makes that much of a difference.  But you're really not getting this.  These are behaviors caused by immaturity or special needs or a classroom that's not well managed.  It's not the parents' "mistake."  Not any more than your child's needs are your "mistake."  Yes, I agree that it's my responsibility to help my child change his behavior ... but that doesn't happen by apologizing to you.  Apologizing to you does actually zero to change my child's behavior.  You're looking for justice/vindication, not actually to do anything that helps my child change (or helps/forces the school to provide resources). I get that it's more compelling to make people grovel, though.  [/quote]

Seriously. We work exceptionally hard to make sure DC doesn't interfere with other kids' educational process. However, sometimes it has happened over the years. My concern is helping DC process that properly with the help of the school, make any changes together that need to be made. Often if something happened with another kid, that would be followed by an extra session or 2 beyong the weekly sessions with the therapist, perhaps a trip to the psych to check med levels and discuss, tons of working through the feelings and appropriate reactions at home, not to mention the OT, PT, Speech sessions already being attended. I don't hit my kids and we don't yell, hit, throw things at home. We're not modeling this behavior and DC didn't see it anywhere else.

If you don't blame me for my DC's disabilities, I won't blame YOU for yours. Maybe that 1/2 glass of wine you drank when you didn't know you were pregnant yet made it happen? No? Of course not! We are super fortunate that the impact to other kids was largely minimal and ended years ago as a result of tons of therapy, maturity, getting to a school that understood the problems. Many of the problems stemmed from schools that didn't understand these disabilities and set DC up for failure and other kids taking advantage of my kid to get an entertaining rise out of DC. I never blamed any of the other kids and worked with the school to better follow the IEP and BIP while supporting from every other angle.

Just like you're working with your kiddo we worked and are continuing to work with ours. You cannot begin to imagine a developmental disability that involves your child doing harm to another, just as I cannot imagine my child not reading 3 years early, doing math 5 years ahead, etc. Schools DO NOT understand the ABC's of behavior and how to help support our kiddos who have trouble controlling their emotions. It is H--- on Earth for us parents and I thank goodness every day that DC has largely gotten past that horrible stage of his life.

Never once did I think it was MY fault, though. So no, I'm not going to apologize to you for my DC's disabilities.[/quote]

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