Reply to Update: New nephews not fitting into family dynamic

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I live with a similarly impossible SIL, my brother's widow, who literally has done her best to ruin every family occasion in the last five years including my wedding and my mother's funeral this past weekend.  (she refused to bring my nephews to both.)

I can only say that it might help your sanity to let go of any expectation that this will ever get better.  I know that's hard to hear.  I would do whatever you can to preserve a relationship with your nieces and be a refuge for them if she will allow them to stay with you.

If the SIL and boys do come to family occasions sometime, just try to remember that they are not you and do not reflect badly on you.  Surely every family at "the club"
Or wherever has crazy relations somewhere on the family tree.  Their farting and burping and antics do not reflect on you.  They are what they are, poor fellas, what many kids would be with no limits or structure.  It's abusive to fail to parent so completely.  So I would give up on trying to have a better relationship with SIL, focus on the girls, and try to have compassion for those boys who didn't have a choice about being raised this way.[/quote]

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