Reply to In shock - he cheated

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think he did nothing wrong. He hasnt cheated since you were married. That's what counts. Until then fair game [/quote]

I wonder about this too. I mean, cheating is an awful thing. But is it THAT bad if it happened before he married? If he is committed and faithful now when married?  Yes, it was a hurtful, selfish thing to do, but it sounds like he stopped it before they got married. [/quote]

You're missing the point.  It wasn't just cheating.  It wasn't a one-night stand when he was drunk.  He continued a sexual and romantic relationship with another woman - also lying to her! - while he was engaged to OP, and also continued to flirt and have sexual conversations with other women during the same time period (can't remember if OP said they were by email, text, online).  That's not just cheating - that's having another entire life that OP knew nothing about.  That takes a lot of deception to pull off.  He told OP he wanted to be a "better person" and shed his old ways with her.  She's not his savior; that's not her responsibility.  She can choose to stay or go, but this is his problem (and it's a major problem) to fix if he wants there to be any hope of staying married to OP.  OP is not AT ALL wrong in feeling like this is a big fucking deal.

Believe me, I've BTDT.  I found out while we were engaged, worked through it,  thought he'd "changed", and got married as planned.  It was another 11 years before I learned that he started up again with the old behavior within our first two years of marriage.[/quote]

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