Reply to In shock - he cheated

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "In shock - he cheated"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. This is good food for thought. As I am considering both options, to stay and to leave, I have been doing a lot of research, and post-nuptial agreements is an area I have looked into. Specifically, they can be structured with an "infidelity clause," so if one party is unfaithful (again), it is documented what the financial and legal stipulations are in a divorce proceeding.

In discussion with my husband and him asking what would make me feel better about trying to reconcile, I told him about the documents and clause. I said that if I stayed and we tried to move forward in the marriage, that a smart move might be to structure an agreement. A clause could be included so that, the betrayed spouse, were infidelity to reoccur, would receive, for example, 75% of the wayward spouse's retirement accounts/joint savings and assets, along with alimony. I told him this could work both ways and if I cheated on him (which aside, I would never do, but showing the equal fairness of the contract) he would be eligible to 75% of my retirement accounts/joint savings and assets, plus alimony. We make about the same salary and have similar earning potential, so there isn't a potential imbalance here.

While this on the surface seems like a good piece of insurance, something else other than one's conscience to push them to be faithful...I also think that if I feel the need to have such a contract in my marriage to help "keep him in line" that it's a pretty crap sign about the trust I (one day) may have in him. I shouldn't feel the need to put a contract on our marriage to reinforce that he stays trustworthy. Yet, he's completely screwed up my trust and safety I felt in him and our marriage, so I guess this option might be a good one.
[/quote]

OP, you have a different idea about the purpose of a post-nuptial than I do.  I don't view a post-nuptial as a form of leverage to ensure cheating doesn't happen or "keep someone in line".  My thinking was this -- first, my DH did something horrible in cheating.  He manipulated me so that I would continue to invest in the marital relationship.  I viewed getting a fair post-nuptial signed as part of a concrete demonstration via actions, not words, that my DH was committed to being transparent and fair to me whether or not our marital relationship held.  I didn't want him to be in a position to continue to manipulate me thru my fear of having to shell out huge bucks in divorce to get a fair settlement.  If he acknowledged his wrong, and committed to a fair post-nuptial (50/50 on all marital assets, all of my pre-marital assets returned and a fair alimony and generous child support payment).  In particular, I regret having had another child with my now exDH after the cheating without having appropriate custody and child support protections in place (he assured me it was an isolated incident, we went to counseling, and he encouraged me to have another baby).   What my ex did wasn't fair to me or our children; it was self-absorbed and I was foolish not to protect myself when I had the most leverage - in the immediate aftermath of the revaluation of the infidelity. 
 
Also from a legal perspective, an infidelity clause would be more trouble than it was worth and doesn't comprehensively cover the bigger problem -- the lying.  It would be expensive and time-consuming to catch my DH "cheating" again.  But, he continued to lie to me about many more things than just contacts with women, any of the continued lies were enough to terminate the relationship.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics