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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's the combination of being dishonest and it being infidelity. Of course, the fact that he cheated when we were engaged is extremely hurtful and personal.

If he had been dishonest about something major that wasn't as personal as cheating -- drug or alcohol addiction, massive debt, a gambling problem, etc. -- then I would still feel hurt and misled. But it wouldn't be as painful as infidelity is. To me at least.

He has been, as far as I know, honest about everything else (background, credentials, finances, etc.). 
[/quote]

Hi OP.  9:30 again ... hope you don't feel like I am hectoring you.  I agree that infidelity is the worst possible lie.  But in a way, it makes your decision (whatever that ends of being ... no judgment) easier.  My husband IS an alcoholic and drug user and that was the source of many (although not all) of his lies.  It left me with an "out" ... there were worse things he could be dishonest about.  He eventually got there.  :(  I could tell myself that while he was dishonest, it was not about the thing that would have been the most hurtful.

You are starting out this process already at the worst.  You already know what he is capable of lying about for sure.  If he can do this now when the relationship was young and at its most passionate and hopeful ... what will he be capable of when the stress of young children arrives or just the general routine/monotony of normal marriage occasionally develops?

I am really sorry you are going through this situation.  I hope you find happiness in whatever decision you make.[/quote]

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