Reply to I'm much meaner on DCUM than IRL. AMA.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know why.  I'm not insecure, though I've been accused of that on here when I've made a contentious comment.  I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.  So why do I do it?  I think it may be because I'm such a people-pleaser in real life that I relish the opportunity to get out some latent opinions anonymously; ie, I can say things that aren't "PC" (though none of my comments are racist/classist/etc - that's not my bag - just snarky for the most part).[/quote]

Look up Freud, defense mechanism, displacement. You might not be insecure,whiich implies lack of confidence about yourself or your life, but you really hate some part ofyour life and are not able to admit it or talk about it with anyone including your spouse. You were taught not to be a complainer so you keep it inside. The truth is that you wish you could leave your job, your DH, your life, and not have everyone be shockedand horrified because your lifeseemed so perfect and they had no idea you hated it so much. [/quote]

Uh, you're totally off. I really feel lucky in every listed aspect of my life. I miss my parents, who died young. That's the one area I feel is lacking though I have great in-laws.[/quote]
 
OK then when you were young, you were a bit awkward, timid, excluded, scapegoated, bullied. You were not the popular cheerleader type in school but a bit geeky. However you were smart and persistent and have managed to do well in life. Still, you harbor some pain from your childhood, because you have never had a chance to tell those bullies to get a life. So now you hang out on DCUM and bully other people so that you get your anger out. But the target of your anger should be directed towards those people who mistreated you in your past childhood, young adulthood life. If this rings true at all, then go find those people on Facebook and get your anger out there.

I used to find DCUM helpful but it's people like you who have reduced it to a mindless source of entertainment that brings in trolls from all over and a good income to Jeff.

[/quote]

np, I disagree that it's not useful. I've been on it for about 2 years and have gotten a LOT of value out of it. Sure there are flame wars and hot topics, but to me that is just proof that it's a diverse group of people on here who don't all agree or come from the same demographic, which is usually what you want when seeking advice or information.

Your attempts at psychoanalysis are the "mindless entertainment" part of this thread. You have no particular knowledge of OP or psychoanalysis, and are just making stuff up in an attempt to be hurtful. Your blind stabs at OP's life are not adding value or affecting her. So maybe you should look in the mirror and think about whether you are contributing positively to DCUM when you go down that posting road. [/quote]

No of course I have no particular knowledge of OP because the OP is anonymous  - but I do have particular knowledge of psychoanalysis. The OP posted because she is aware her behavior is negative, and appeared to be wondering why this was the case.  So I am putting out suggestions. I'm guessing if the OP's behavior on this forum was exposed to people who know her in real life, she would be absolutely mortified. She says she's a "people pleaser" - which implies what people think of her is important. She wouldn't want to be judged negatively by her family, friends, colleagues. So she might hold back on saying negative things in real life because she doesn't want anyone to harbor negative feelings towards her. On this forum, she can be as mean as she likes without worrying that someone will think less of her.  It takes a lot of energy to be always politically correct, making sure she doesn't offend anyone in real life. She's glad she has an outlet on DCUM where she can just it all hang out.
Someone important in her life when she was younger  - parents for example - were demanding and critical, maybe expressing disappointment frequently regarding her character or behavior. She learned that she better say and do the right thing otherwise people important to her will become angry and disappointed in her.

The tone of DCUM has changed over the last 10 years - it was useful and a supportive helpful community in the beginning. There was nowhere near the snark and bullying that goes on now. Now I only go on when it's time for a coffee break or lunch break and I need to kill some time. It is sometimes useful but mostly entertainment - when people post, it's usually some superficial question like "Do you like your toilet paper to hang over or below the toilet paper roll?" When people actually post to request advice on a problem they're experiencing in real life, they have to preface "I know I'll get flamed" "no snark please" - yet invariably the bullies join in. So now probably less than 10% of posts are about seeking advice and the rest is just the "Do you wear underwear?" type of question.

Back to the OP - maybe you need to do less people pleasing in real life and say what you want - at times. If these people are worth anything to you, they might get annoyed or angry at you -  but they won't reject you. On this forum, there is no risk of people rejecting you because no one know who you are. But ask yourself if you're doing anyone any good by making your snarky comments on this forum.[/quote]

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