Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I was referring to your original post:

"[T]he everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance."

To me, that seemed to cover all areas of your life.

I get that you were referring to annoyances you consider to be small, and you assume that "we all" have them, "obviously." But I'm not sure that is true. Personally, I have zero "annoyances," issues or discomforts in a few of the categories you list above.

Overall, your original post suggests you're carrying quite a bit of negativity about your own life. Maybe even more than you realize. You seem seem to be dismissing it as normal and typical, when I'm not sure it is. Is it possible that you're making unkind comments on DCUM as a way of venting or dulling the regular annoyances or frustrations or even anger you feel about your own life?

You people really cannot read. This is the exact opposite of what OP said. Her sentence was:

I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

The mention of everyday annoyances is a dependent clause. Without it the sentence reads:

I'm genuinely happy with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

She could also have said:

I'm genuinely happy with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance-- despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously.

or

Despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously--I'm genuinely happy with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

Here's what she did NOT SAY, but what you all seem to think she said:

I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously, with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

May this be a lesson to OP to not use such complicated grammar when dealing with anonymous internet idiots.

Got it. If that is what OP meant, yes, I completely misread that sentence and interpreted it to mean the OPPOSITE of what she intended! Sorry about that. I didn't catch that it was a dependent clause in the middle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I was referring to your original post:

"[T]he everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance."

To me, that seemed to cover all areas of your life.

I get that you were referring to annoyances you consider to be small, and you assume that "we all" have them, "obviously." But I'm not sure that is true. Personally, I have zero "annoyances," issues or discomforts in a few of the categories you list above.

Overall, your original post suggests you're carrying quite a bit of negativity about your own life. Maybe even more than you realize. You seem seem to be dismissing it as normal and typical, when I'm not sure it is. Is it possible that you're making unkind comments on DCUM as a way of venting or dulling the regular annoyances or frustrations or even anger you feel about your own life?

You people really cannot read. This is the exact opposite of what OP said. Her sentence was:

I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

The mention of everyday annoyances is a dependent clause. Without it the sentence reads:

I'm genuinely happy with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

She could also have said:

I'm genuinely happy with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance-- despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously.

or

Despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously--I'm genuinely happy with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

Here's what she did NOT SAY, but what you all seem to think she said:

I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously, with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

May this be a lesson to OP to not use such complicated grammar when dealing with anonymous internet idiots.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why. I'm not insecure, though I've been accused of that on here when I've made a contentious comment. I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance. So why do I do it? I think it may be because I'm such a people-pleaser in real life that I relish the opportunity to get out some latent opinions anonymously; ie, I can say things that aren't "PC" (though none of my comments are racist/classist/etc - that's not my bag - just snarky for the most part).

Look up Freud, defense mechanism, displacement. You might not be insecure,whiich implies lack of confidence about yourself or your life, but you really hate some part ofyour life and are not able to admit it or talk about it with anyone including your spouse. You were taught not to be a complainer so you keep it inside. The truth is that you wish you could leave your job, your DH, your life, and not have everyone be shockedand horrified because your lifeseemed so perfect and they had no idea you hated it so much.

Uh, you're totally off. I really feel lucky in every listed aspect of my life. I miss my parents, who died young. That's the one area I feel is lacking though I have great in-laws.

OK then when you were young, you were a bit awkward, timid, excluded, scapegoated, bullied. You were not the popular cheerleader type in school but a bit geeky. However you were smart and persistent and have managed to do well in life. Still, you harbor some pain from your childhood, because you have never had a chance to tell those bullies to get a life. So now you hang out on DCUM and bully other people so that you get your anger out. But the target of your anger should be directed towards those people who mistreated you in your past childhood, young adulthood life. If this rings true at all, then go find those people on Facebook and get your anger out there.

I used to find DCUM helpful but it's people like you who have reduced it to a mindless source of entertainment that brings in trolls from all over and a good income to Jeff.

np, I disagree that it's not useful. I've been on it for about 2 years and have gotten a LOT of value out of it. Sure there are flame wars and hot topics, but to me that is just proof that it's a diverse group of people on here who don't all agree or come from the same demographic, which is usually what you want when seeking advice or information.

Your attempts at psychoanalysis are the "mindless entertainment" part of this thread. You have no particular knowledge of OP or psychoanalysis, and are just making stuff up in an attempt to be hurtful. Your blind stabs at OP's life are not adding value or affecting her. So maybe you should look in the mirror and think about whether you are contributing positively to DCUM when you go down that posting road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why. I'm not insecure, though I've been accused of that on here when I've made a contentious comment. I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance. So why do I do it? I think it may be because I'm such a people-pleaser in real life that I relish the opportunity to get out some latent opinions anonymously; ie, I can say things that aren't "PC" (though none of my comments are racist/classist/etc - that's not my bag - just snarky for the most part).

Look up Freud, defense mechanism, displacement. You might not be insecure,whiich implies lack of confidence about yourself or your life, but you really hate some part ofyour life and are not able to admit it or talk about it with anyone including your spouse. You were taught not to be a complainer so you keep it inside. The truth is that you wish you could leave your job, your DH, your life, and not have everyone be shockedand horrified because your lifeseemed so perfect and they had no idea you hated it so much.

Uh, you're totally off. I really feel lucky in every listed aspect of my life. I miss my parents, who died young. That's the one area I feel is lacking though I have great in-laws.

OK then when you were young, you were a bit awkward, timid, excluded, scapegoated, bullied. You were not the popular cheerleader type in school but a bit geeky. However you were smart and persistent and have managed to do well in life. Still, you harbor some pain from your childhood, because you have never had a chance to tell those bullies to get a life. So now you hang out on DCUM and bully other people so that you get your anger out. But the target of your anger should be directed towards those people who mistreated you in your past childhood, young adulthood life. If this rings true at all, then go find those people on Facebook and get your anger out there.

I used to find DCUM helpful but it's people like you who have reduced it to a mindless source of entertainment that brings in trolls from all over and a good income to Jeff.

Did you read the previous comment where I said I'd never been bullied can't think of anyone I harbor ill will towards - no room for that in my life. and no one would ever describe me as timid or awkward, now or then. I'm not a bully on here, either - that word is imprecise.

NP here. You ARE a bully if you are intentionally scathing and malicious to others. You admitted as such! Just because I don't know your name or can't see your face doesn't mean that I won't find your comments hurtful. People post about real-life hurts and anxieties, looking for advice and commiseration, and people like you find a way to kick them while their done under the guise of "truth hurts." You are aware of being mean on DCUM, obviously you derive some pleasure or satisfaction from it -- otherwise you wouldn't do. What is that, if not bullying behavior?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why. I'm not insecure, though I've been accused of that on here when I've made a contentious comment. I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance. So why do I do it? I think it may be because I'm such a people-pleaser in real life that I relish the opportunity to get out some latent opinions anonymously; ie, I can say things that aren't "PC" (though none of my comments are racist/classist/etc - that's not my bag - just snarky for the most part).

Look up Freud, defense mechanism, displacement. You might not be insecure,whiich implies lack of confidence about yourself or your life, but you really hate some part ofyour life and are not able to admit it or talk about it with anyone including your spouse. You were taught not to be a complainer so you keep it inside. The truth is that you wish you could leave your job, your DH, your life, and not have everyone be shockedand horrified because your lifeseemed so perfect and they had no idea you hated it so much.

Uh, you're totally off. I really feel lucky in every listed aspect of my life. I miss my parents, who died young. That's the one area I feel is lacking though I have great in-laws.

OK then when you were young, you were a bit awkward, timid, excluded, scapegoated, bullied. You were not the popular cheerleader type in school but a bit geeky. However you were smart and persistent and have managed to do well in life. Still, you harbor some pain from your childhood, because you have never had a chance to tell those bullies to get a life. So now you hang out on DCUM and bully other people so that you get your anger out. But the target of your anger should be directed towards those people who mistreated you in your past childhood, young adulthood life. If this rings true at all, then go find those people on Facebook and get your anger out there.

I used to find DCUM helpful but it's people like you who have reduced it to a mindless source of entertainment that brings in trolls from all over and a good income to Jeff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why. I'm not insecure, though I've been accused of that on here when I've made a contentious comment. I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance. So why do I do it? I think it may be because I'm such a people-pleaser in real life that I relish the opportunity to get out some latent opinions anonymously; ie, I can say things that aren't "PC" (though none of my comments are racist/classist/etc - that's not my bag - just snarky for the most part).

Look up Freud, defense mechanism, displacement. You might not be insecure,whiich implies lack of confidence about yourself or your life, but you really hate some part ofyour life and are not able to admit it or talk about it with anyone including your spouse. You were taught not to be a complainer so you keep it inside. The truth is that you wish you could leave your job, your DH, your life, and not have everyone be shockedand horrified because your lifeseemed so perfect and they had no idea you hated it so much.

Uh, you're totally off. I really feel lucky in every listed aspect of my life. I miss my parents, who died young. That's the one area I feel is lacking though I have great in-laws.

OK then when you were young, you were a bit awkward, timid, excluded, scapegoated, bullied. You were not the popular cheerleader type in school but a bit geeky. However you were smart and persistent and have managed to do well in life. Still, you harbor some pain from your childhood, because you have never had a chance to tell those bullies to get a life. So now you hang out on DCUM and bully other people so that you get your anger out. But the target of your anger should be directed towards those people who mistreated you in your past childhood, young adulthood life. If this rings true at all, then go find those people on Facebook and get your anger out there.

I used to find DCUM helpful but it's people like you who have reduced it to a mindless source of entertainment that brings in trolls from all over and a good income to Jeff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why. I'm not insecure, though I've been accused of that on here when I've made a contentious comment. I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance. So why do I do it? I think it may be because I'm such a people-pleaser in real life that I relish the opportunity to get out some latent opinions anonymously; ie, I can say things that aren't "PC" (though none of my comments are racist/classist/etc - that's not my bag - just snarky for the most part).

Look up Freud, defense mechanism, displacement. You might not be insecure,whiich implies lack of confidence about yourself or your life, but you really hate some part ofyour life and are not able to admit it or talk about it with anyone including your spouse. You were taught not to be a complainer so you keep it inside. The truth is that you wish you could leave your job, your DH, your life, and not have everyone be shockedand horrified because your lifeseemed so perfect and they had no idea you hated it so much.

Uh, you're totally off. I really feel lucky in every listed aspect of my life. I miss my parents, who died young. That's the one area I feel is lacking though I have great in-laws.

Anonymous wrote:

I was referring to your original post:

"[T]he everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance."

To me, that seemed to cover all areas of your life.

I get that you were referring to annoyances you consider to be small, and you assume that "we all" have them, "obviously." But I'm not sure that is true. Personally, I have zero "annoyances," issues or discomforts in a few of the categories you list above.

Overall, your original post suggests you're carrying quite a bit of negativity about your own life. Maybe even more than you realize. You seem seem to be dismissing it as normal and typical, when I'm not sure it is. Is it possible that you're making unkind comments on DCUM as a way of venting or dulling the regular annoyances or frustrations or even anger you feel about your own life?

I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

I'm genuinely happy with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

I'm genuinely happy with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance-- despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously.

Despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously--I'm genuinely happy with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously, with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's the thing though. If you read my OP, you'll see that I'm really NOT insecure. I'm not perfect - hey, judgmental obviously! - but insecurity isn't something I struggle with. Which makes me wonder why I do this.

I also don't curse on DCUM, though I do IRL. Like poor grammar and spelling, it renders posts irrelevant IMO.

Just because you said you're not insecure in your OP, doesn't mean you're not. I assume that you are very insecure. Also, pointing out someone's poor grammar and spelling just means that you have nothing to add to the discussion. Do you really think you have to have perfect grammar to offer advice on parenting or anything else (except for grammar, of course).

Why does someone have to be insecure to have strong opinions? I genuinely don't get why that's a go-to. Sure, say I'm bitchy or judgmental or snooty - that makes more sense. But how does insecure even play in?

Truly insecure people often lack empathy because they're so focused on their own (perceived) failures and deficiencies. Basically, they're self-absorbed in a negative way, often not consciously. So they have a more difficult time seeing issues from other people's points of view, and in turn can have trouble showing compassion or true support of others.

Interestingly, I think if you asked many deeply insecure people, they would say they are VERY empathetic. But I think many people confuse being empathetic (feeling/understanding things from other people's perspectives, even if they and their circumstances differ from your own) with being sensitive (feeling things deeply). Many, many deeply insecure people are sensitive. It's a factor that amplifies their own negative feelings about themselves. But being sensitive does not necessarily mean that one can let go of their own point of view, personal history, wants and needs long enough to consider something through someone else's eyes.

No clue where OP falls in all this. Just wanted to offer her some food for thought. Clearly there's something driving her meanness on this board. I'm curious what it may be. I obviously don't have much information to go on, but my personal guess is that it IS insecurity. What she lists as small/typical day-to-day complaints are surprisingly broad. They cover all categories of her life, it seems.

Op here - can you give an example of the "complaints in all areas of life" you mention?

I was referring to your original post:

"[T]he everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance."

To me, that seemed to cover all areas of your life.

I get that you were referring to annoyances you consider to be small, and you assume that "we all" have them, "obviously." But I'm not sure that is true. Personally, I have zero "annoyances," issues or discomforts in a few of the categories you list above.

Overall, your original post suggests you're carrying quite a bit of negativity about your own life. Maybe even more than you realize. You seem seem to be dismissing it as normal and typical, when I'm not sure it is. Is it possible that you're making unkind comments on DCUM as a way of venting or dulling the regular annoyances or frustrations or even anger you feel about your own life?

Bingo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's the thing though. If you read my OP, you'll see that I'm really NOT insecure. I'm not perfect - hey, judgmental obviously! - but insecurity isn't something I struggle with. Which makes me wonder why I do this.

I also don't curse on DCUM, though I do IRL. Like poor grammar and spelling, it renders posts irrelevant IMO.

Just because you said you're not insecure in your OP, doesn't mean you're not. I assume that you are very insecure. Also, pointing out someone's poor grammar and spelling just means that you have nothing to add to the discussion. Do you really think you have to have perfect grammar to offer advice on parenting or anything else (except for grammar, of course).

Why does someone have to be insecure to have strong opinions? I genuinely don't get why that's a go-to. Sure, say I'm bitchy or judgmental or snooty - that makes more sense. But how does insecure even play in?

Truly insecure people often lack empathy because they're so focused on their own (perceived) failures and deficiencies. Basically, they're self-absorbed in a negative way, often not consciously. So they have a more difficult time seeing issues from other people's points of view, and in turn can have trouble showing compassion or true support of others.

Interestingly, I think if you asked many deeply insecure people, they would say they are VERY empathetic. But I think many people confuse being empathetic (feeling/understanding things from other people's perspectives, even if they and their circumstances differ from your own) with being sensitive (feeling things deeply). Many, many deeply insecure people are sensitive. It's a factor that amplifies their own negative feelings about themselves. But being sensitive does not necessarily mean that one can let go of their own point of view, personal history, wants and needs long enough to consider something through someone else's eyes.

No clue where OP falls in all this. Just wanted to offer her some food for thought. Clearly there's something driving her meanness on this board. I'm curious what it may be. I obviously don't have much information to go on, but my personal guess is that it IS insecurity. What she lists as small/typical day-to-day complaints are surprisingly broad. They cover all categories of her life, it seems.

Op here - can you give an example of the "complaints in all areas of life" you mention?

I was referring to your original post:

"[T]he everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance."

To me, that seemed to cover all areas of your life.

I get that you were referring to annoyances you consider to be small, and you assume that "we all" have them, "obviously." But I'm not sure that is true. Personally, I have zero "annoyances," issues or discomforts in a few of the categories you list above.

Overall, your original post suggests you're carrying quite a bit of negativity about your own life. Maybe even more than you realize. You seem seem to be dismissing it as normal and typical, when I'm not sure it is. Is it possible that you're making unkind comments on DCUM as a way of venting or dulling the regular annoyances or frustrations or even anger you feel about your own life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why. I'm not insecure, though I've been accused of that on here when I've made a contentious comment. I'm genuinely happy - despite the everyday annoyances that we all have, obviously - with my marriage, my career, my kids, my financials, my educational/intellectual background and my appearance. So why do I do it? I think it may be because I'm such a people-pleaser in real life that I relish the opportunity to get out some latent opinions anonymously; ie, I can say things that aren't "PC" (though none of my comments are racist/classist/etc - that's not my bag - just snarky for the most part).

Look up Freud, defense mechanism, displacement. You might not be insecure,whiich implies lack of confidence about yourself or your life, but you really hate some part ofyour life and are not able to admit it or talk about it with anyone including your spouse. You were taught not to be a complainer so you keep it inside. The truth is that you wish you could leave your job, your DH, your life, and not have everyone be shockedand horrified because your lifeseemed so perfect and they had no idea you hated it so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP
Does it bother you that someone doesn't work who truly doesn't need money- college funds , retirement, trust funds, enough to pass dow - and what type of job and hours would you suggest?

Given that the household partnership must be equal whoever makes less loses. Keep it equal, people! No marrying below your pay grade! None of those revolting blue collar/white collar pairings.

Is this OP? Because whenever someone posts something and people respond then she claims it was someone else who was "gaslighting" and that it wasn't her.

So OP- are you willing to own up to this comment? Before anyone else responds?