Reply to (Vacation wife) Help. Spiraling.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "(Vacation wife) Help. Spiraling."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote] Yeah, for someone who held the world together like OP seems to have done, it was unimaginable to me to just let the rope drop.[/quote]

Same! For me it was also repeating patterns from my own childhood of being the little adult and fixer. I had promised myself that my kids would have something better and I struggled to not try to fix it all when my ex cheated, got fired, etc. I had to grapple with not feeling like I only had value by over-performing and make peace with the limits of what I could control. I felt like I was not enough and spiraled when I felt judged. After a lot of work on myself, Al Anon, etc., I have a much stronger sense of self and way better boundaries. You can’t be a good parent from where you are now, OP.

Detach from ex, don’t take sobbing calls. He has girlfriends and family and a lawyer for that. Get your assets separated with the advice of a good lawyer. A DUI that kills someone and you won’t have to worry about keeping your house or affording your activities. You are telling yourself that protecting your kids requires their father to be your focus, but you are shirking getting insurance lined up, even for yourself, and protecting assets. You are what the kids have. They need you to be stable and not spiraling. They need downtime not constant distraction. You need to face the end of the dream of your marriage and the dream of an idealized childhood for your kids.

I would not introduce men to your kids for a long time yet. It is a genuine risk. You missed flags once, your kids need you to stop the happy families games. I know several adults who were molested by stepfathers who sought out moms with young kids to date. Don’t think about remarriage. Focus on career and stability that is completely independent of ex. Call your lawyer tomorrow and get advice re: child safety and asset protection. You are likely better off finalizing than dragging things out. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics