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[quote=Anonymous]OP has your boyfriend met your kids? Does he have kids? Is he also divorced? Do you honestly not see any red flags re: timing?

You need to focus on things like getting insurance for you and the kids. Leave ex and his drama of the day alone.

I was like you when I divorced. I avoided dealing with how I had picked so badly by trying to have some perfect post divorce for my kids. It’s not possible with someone as troubled as your ex and mine. Let the fantasy go.

Disengaging from ex and not dating will still leave you with plenty on your plate. But feelings and old issues will no longer be blocked by busyness. Even the kids sound overly busy.

What was your childhood like? What are the generational patterns of co-dependence in your family?

Ex may have to move back in with his family and go to rehab. Sometimes hitting bottom has to happen, but realistically, he may always be a mess. He likely has plenty of alcoholism and co-dependence in his own family history. Drop the rope, don’t try to preemptively fix problems for your kids.

Al Anon and CODA virtual meetings and literature for you. Ala Teen for kids when they are tweens.

Talk to a good lawyer re: timing of divorce and balancing shielding assets with not paying him support.

You may find that some families at school and daycare pull back, it’s not uncommon in divorce. You can’t control anyone but yourself. You need to make peace with that. Plan to be on your own as a parent, including financially. It is likely that you will need to scale back activities and that you downsize housing to ease financial pressure. If you look you will likely find something in same district, still near family, even if you rent for a while. Get your head in the game of single mom with drunk ex rather than perfect co-parent with perfect UMC life for kids. It’s not realistic.

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