Reply to Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While there may be men like that - I hope there aren't women who want that. The idea that women aren't independent and should be dependent on their husbands like a child isn't anything to aspire to. Women are capable, competent adults and should be contributing. Life as an adult and with a family costs money. No one should have kids thinking they have no financial responsibility to their children or for themselves.

Just like no one should have kids thinking they have no hands on responsibility to their children.

The days should be long gone where dad has 100% financial responsibility and mom has 100% hands on responsibility.

Families take money and time and both parents should be contributing in both ways.

I don't really have much respect for any adult who thinks that living off other people is something to aspire too. Being a barnacle isn't really a great quality to have. [/quote]

What you are describing is not what OP was describing. A spouse who wants to support you in making your own choices to stay at home, work, make a career change etc etc is different from a spouse  pressuring you to stay home.

Also calling sahms “barnacles” is so disrespectful. Why the hate for women making a choice that works for their family? Focus on your own grass[/quote]

I am not saying sahp are barnacles. I am speaking to the attitude that a woman being a dependent and being looked after by a man is something g to aspire to. A dream man being someone who pays for everything is no different to me from a dream woman being one who does all child and domestic care. The attitude of one person doing it all to absolve the other of parental and adult responsibilities is not something I want any of my kids to aspire to. I would feel very disappointed in my young adult children if they saw a dream partner as one who either took on full care of them financially or took on full care of them domestically so that they had 0% of the responsibility in that area. I would also be disappointed if they offered that to a partner and weren’t looking for equality in a marriage.

If two equal partners decide post marriage that one person staying at home for a few years until the kids are in school is what makes the most sense for their family…fine. That is completely different from the attitude in the OP and subsequent responses of what makes one a good spouse or dream partner is taking on 100% of an entire area of adult and financial responsibility.

One spouse who doesn’t feel or take on any financial responsibility to me is the exact same as one spouse whose doesn’t feel or take any childcare or household responsibilities. [/quote]

The problem is biology.  Women solely have children and breastfeed.  Equality is great until you have kids and reality hits you in the face. [/quote]

Women aren’t breast feeding anymore.  At least not the mothers that recently had babies in my wealthy neighborhood. My neighbor said it’s no longer pushed in hospitals like when I gave birth 18 years ago and they wouldn’t give anyone on a bottle abs basically shamed and forced everyone to BF.[/quote]

Lots of women still breastfeed. I am glad if women are experiencing less pressure to do it -- it had gotten way out of hand.

But also -- I enjoyed breastfeeding. Not pumping, that is miserable. But I enjoyed the actual act of breastfeeding and found it to be a nice, relaxing, enjoyable bonding time with my baby. Being able to take 18 months off from work for an extended maternity leave meant I was able to enjoy that time with my baby, including BFing. And that's what OP is talking about -- finding a man who is invested in creating that option in case his wife wants it. If she doesn't, that's fine. But many women would love to be able to take an extended maternity leave or take a few years off when the kids are small, and simply cannot because their income is absolutely necessary to the family's economic viability. So a man who makes it his goal to make enough to create those options is attractive. Of course it is![/quote]

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