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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Jesus Christ is your mil allowed to talk to her own son when you aren’t in the room.

She was his mother for many years before you were his wife.

She didn’t cease to be his mother when you married him. She is allowed to show care for her own son in any way she damn well pleases.[/quote]

About her aches and pains, social group, senior breakfasts? sure.

About me? No.

Trash-talking someone's spouse isn't care for them. It's catty betch bs. No excuses.[/quote]

Nobody “trashed” op.  The MIL just told her son he looked tired.  He has a four month old, of course he is tired, but old people are so far removed from that experience they don’t really remember HOW tired a person gets with a baby, especially their first baby.

I remember my parents’ commentary was definitely clueless and less than helpful pretty much always.  In fact, my kids are entering tween/teen years and my parents are still offering really annoying, unhelpful commentary and manufacturing problems that don’t actually exist.  I let it roll off my back because they’re just words from clueless people who still love us.

And nothing about asking about someone’s tiredness implicates OP or a lack of care for OP.  OP is making that assumption.

Guess what, if you lack grace and empathy you are always going to have trouble in relationships, especially complex relationships.  There is a lot of ground between MIL considering someone an “incubator” (OP’s word) and simply understanding that yes, your MIL is always going to love their own baby more than they love you, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you or care about you.  I loved my MIL  but I didn’t expect really anything from her.  I knew she loved DH and my kids more than me because duh of course she does.  If she said something dumb I let it slide because I, a fellow human, also say dumb things sometimes.  This facilitated a happy relationship.  OP sounds exhausting, sorry OP.
[/quote]

Especially their first baby? You know that's not how it goes for everyone. You're making a lot of assumptions. Some people get good sleepers, some don't, and a lot of babies are sleeping thru the night at 4 months. So, no, I don't think it's particularly common to have a bad sleeper and be so caught up in the pregnancy experience this many months later that you go ballistic over a MIL asking if someone is tired. OP does sound exhausting. Or has PPD. Something is wrong which is why people are pushing back because it doesn't sound like the MIL is the problem here.[/quote]

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