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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are saving for college and have every intention of paying.  My parents paid for undergrad (top state schools) for all 3 kids.  DH the same and we both paid for our own grad school.

My sister is divorced and her oldest is in college with her second 2 years away.  My sister does not make a lot, she was a SAHM for many years and has been making her way back up the work ladder over the Npast few years.  My nephew is at a top tier private school and has enough aid from the school to make the cost equivalent to a state school.  My sister makes significamy less than her ex-H but she and her now DH pay the majority of his school costs (nephew works hard, saves and contributes) because her ex is cheap on contributing as he does not want it to impact his lifestyle.  She was married for many years to her first H and he is like a brother to me (moreso than her current H) but I am appalled at this.  Nephew worked extremely hard in HS, college and generally all around.  
J
My view is that kids should work hard and appreciate it but parents should do what is within their means to help make it happen and not burden their kids with a lot of debt to the extent that is within their means.  I think a lot less of ex-BIL because of how he has handled this.  [/quote]

You are appalled that your nephew has to work hard? But your sister did not work for year? You want everybody living off the dole? You blame the ex-H and not your sister. Maybe she should have worked and she would not be in this position. [/quote]

I am sorry, can you read?  My sister was a SAHM for many years which was the choice of the family and she always worked hard.  She reentered the workforce before her divorce. It many years out takes a toll on your earning potential.  She has never received alimony from a very long term marriage, just minimal child support.  Her ex husband basically left the majority of the burden of heir child's education on her and both my sister and my nephew work very hard (academically and at jobs) .  Yes, I think my ex-BIL is the ass here.[/quote]

I am very aware that SAH takes a toll on your earning potential and I also am very aware of the divorce rate. Your sister took the benefits of SAH and then does not want to live with the consequenses.  I do not dispute her H is an ass but your sister rolled the dice. I am not feeling sorry for her. I, on the other hand, maybe becuase I had to pay my way through college, knew nothing in life was free. I worked to ensure the stability of my children's lives - it was not easy but worth the pitfalls.[/quote]

"living off the dole" as you put it implies that someone that is a SAHM is getting a free ride and not contributing equally so that was a disrepectful, insulting and uncalled for comment.  I am not a SAHM parent but that does not mean I do not have respect for the work that they do.  Families make this decision as a team but as you point there is a higher cost on the SAH parent if he/she has to reenter the workforce, this family was never rich or even close and she worked as hard or harder than her husband to make it work for them.  My sister is much happier than she was in the marriage and is not complaining about working hard (along with her son) to put get her children through college without debilitating debt.  My nephew is an amazing self-motivated kid that is not at all entitled.  I think the father is not holding up his end of his parenting responsibilities here, that is what this discussion is about.

If you choose not contribute to your child's eduction past the age of 18 becaue your child will be better for having to figure it out his or herself or you feel that is a necessary right of passage to adulthood, by all means make that argument.[/quote]

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