Yes, assuming they can afford it.

Of course, different people have different definitions of "can afford it." I'm perfectly fine with making sacrifes along the way -- things like forgoing other spending or budgeting more carefully for years on end -- to put more away for college.

To me, it's a no-brainer. Assuming the children are responsible and do their part to work hard, take their education seriously, and contribute financially to the extent they can, then yes, parents should pay for college.

Anonymous wrote:@18:05 I think from my experiences in the DMV that kids that get a free ride party at bars in their 20's - while my friends that paid their way worked hard though their 20's to pay loans or pay as they went. So, in my experience, all their parents did was pay their bar bills in their 20's not their actual education.

So that is my argument. Of course maybe it does not apply to your sister and nephew who may have spent these years teaching for America or something that gave back. But very few do that.

I don't disagree with the ex that the nephew should pay his way and if you sister disagrees that is her prerogative.

You said "she was not getting alimony" which is living off the dole because that is no longer a family decision. I am not against a women staying at home but I am against whining about not making the same money as somebody that did not SAH. I am not a SAH person hater. I am a hater of whiners that complain about "not having it all" either you work and you have money or you dont work and you don't have money. It's not that confusing.

Sorry your 20s sucked, hope you are enjoying paying that bitterness forward.

I have many friends that paid their own way through college and managed to enjoy their 20s plenty.

"Alimony" after a long term marriage where a parent was out of the workforce long term to attempt in small part to account for the differences in earning power that resulted from family decisions is not "living off the dole." My understanding is that courts these days generally attempt to create a "glide path" for reentering the workforce when coming out of a long term marriage (and even short term marriages). You seem to be of the opinion that the parent that worked while the other stayed home did not benefit from the parent staying home and the SAHM was a freeloader and thus divorce means the end of the gravy train for that SAHM. When you pool your resources to make family decisions there are many long term costs and benefits, not all of them shared equally on an individual basis. Leaving the marriage does not mean it is unreasonable for the court to attempt to address this lack of equity however imperfectly. Again, this is not "the dole," this is a court trying to break up a messy partnership equitably.

All that said, as I stated above there was no alimony because she never asked for it so even under your scenario as I explained initially she was never took any of "the dole". She took minimal assistance to help with the child expenses, which was again not the "dole" because he was contributing to supporting his children. Her ex has no idea how lucky he has it that she did not want to be reliant on him.

some people work and still do not have money

@18:05 I think from my experiences in the DMV that kids that get a free ride party at bars in their 20's - while my friends that paid their way worked hard though their 20's to pay loans or pay as they went. So, in my experience, all their parents did was pay their bar bills in their 20's not their actual education.

So that is my argument. Of course maybe it does not apply to your sister and nephew who may have spent these years teaching for America or something that gave back. But very few do that.

I don't disagree with the ex that the nephew should pay his way and if you sister disagrees that is her prerogative.

You said "she was not getting alimony" which is living off the dole because that is no longer a family decision. I am not against a women staying at home but I am against whining about not making the same money as somebody that did not SAH. I am not a SAH person hater. I am a hater of whiners that complain about "not having it all" either you work and you have money or you dont work and you don't have money. It's not that confusing.

did not take long for the sah hater posters to surface
I think it is ridiculous that someone over 18 could be forced by society to depend on handouts from parents

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are saving for college and have every intention of paying. My parents paid for undergrad (top state schools) for all 3 kids. DH the same and we both paid for our own grad school.

My sister is divorced and her oldest is in college with her second 2 years away. My sister does not make a lot, she was a SAHM for many years and has been making her way back up the work ladder over the Npast few years. My nephew is at a top tier private school and has enough aid from the school to make the cost equivalent to a state school. My sister makes significamy less than her ex-H but she and her now DH pay the majority of his school costs (nephew works hard, saves and contributes) because her ex is cheap on contributing as he does not want it to impact his lifestyle. She was married for many years to her first H and he is like a brother to me (moreso than her current H) but I am appalled at this. Nephew worked extremely hard in HS, college and generally all around.
J
My view is that kids should work hard and appreciate it but parents should do what is within their means to help make it happen and not burden their kids with a lot of debt to the extent that is within their means. I think a lot less of ex-BIL because of how he has handled this.

You are appalled that your nephew has to work hard? But your sister did not work for year? You want everybody living off the dole? You blame the ex-H and not your sister. Maybe she should have worked and she would not be in this position.

I am sorry, can you read? My sister was a SAHM for many years which was the choice of the family and she always worked hard. She reentered the workforce before her divorce. It many years out takes a toll on your earning potential. She has never received alimony from a very long term marriage, just minimal child support. Her ex husband basically left the majority of the burden of heir child's education on her and both my sister and my nephew work very hard (academically and at jobs) . Yes, I think my ex-BIL is the ass here.

I am very aware that SAH takes a toll on your earning potential and I also am very aware of the divorce rate. Your sister took the benefits of SAH and then does not want to live with the consequenses. I do not dispute her H is an ass but your sister rolled the dice. I am not feeling sorry for her. I, on the other hand, maybe becuase I had to pay my way through college, knew nothing in life was free. I worked to ensure the stability of my children's lives - it was not easy but worth the pitfalls.

"living off the dole" as you put it implies that someone that is a SAHM is getting a free ride and not contributing equally so that was a disrepectful, insulting and uncalled for comment. I am not a SAHM parent but that does not mean I do not have respect for the work that they do. Families make this decision as a team but as you point there is a higher cost on the SAH parent if he/she has to reenter the workforce, this family was never rich or even close and she worked as hard or harder than her husband to make it work for them. My sister is much happier than she was in the marriage and is not complaining about working hard (along with her son) to put get her children through college without debilitating debt. My nephew is an amazing self-motivated kid that is not at all entitled. I think the father is not holding up his end of his parenting responsibilities here, that is what this discussion is about.

If you choose not contribute to your child's eduction past the age of 18 becaue your child will be better for having to figure it out his or herself or you feel that is a necessary right of passage to adulthood, by all means make that argument.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the question here should really be: why the hell is the cost of college rising at such an astronomical rate? There is just no justification for the rising cost of college. I think that, for too long, loans were easy to attain and, therefore, colleges/universities could continue to raise the cost of tuition. At some point the madness has to stop!

I agree. The cost is ridiculous. And for me getting my degree cost money, taking exams for my profession cost money, licenses and certifications cost money, getting to from school and unpaid internships cost money...and as someone working my way through school I didn't have money! Paying for an exam meant going without a few meals.

I still remember for my first internship I was criticized for my clothing (I tried, I really did). I was so tempted to say if they hadn't nixkel and dimed me for everything maybe I'd have money for better clothes.

Maybe the question here should really be: why the hell is the cost of college rising at such an astronomical rate? There is just no justification for the rising cost of college. I think that, for too long, loans were easy to attain and, therefore, colleges/universities could continue to raise the cost of tuition. At some point the madness has to stop!

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is brilliant and was accepted full academic scholarship to top schools. This is NOT the norm. She chose the best, and her parents (who were more than able and paid for the other siblings college) had the audacity to have him pay them back - with interest! She did, but if I were his parents I would have been thrilled and paid every penny FOR her! It was on the siblings to get into better schools, period.

Your pronouns are confusing here. Who paid what back? If she got a full scholarship, what was she paying back?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are saving for college and have every intention of paying. My parents paid for undergrad (top state schools) for all 3 kids. DH the same and we both paid for our own grad school.

My sister is divorced and her oldest is in college with her second 2 years away. My sister does not make a lot, she was a SAHM for many years and has been making her way back up the work ladder over the Npast few years. My nephew is at a top tier private school and has enough aid from the school to make the cost equivalent to a state school. My sister makes significamy less than her ex-H but she and her now DH pay the majority of his school costs (nephew works hard, saves and contributes) because her ex is cheap on contributing as he does not want it to impact his lifestyle. She was married for many years to her first H and he is like a brother to me (moreso than her current H) but I am appalled at this. Nephew worked extremely hard in HS, college and generally all around.
J
My view is that kids should work hard and appreciate it but parents should do what is within their means to help make it happen and not burden their kids with a lot of debt to the extent that is within their means. I think a lot less of ex-BIL because of how he has handled this.

You are appalled that your nephew has to work hard? But your sister did not work for year? You want everybody living off the dole? You blame the ex-H and not your sister. Maybe she should have worked and she would not be in this position.

I am sorry, can you read? My sister was a SAHM for many years which was the choice of the family and she always worked hard. She reentered the workforce before her divorce. It many years out takes a toll on your earning potential. She has never received alimony from a very long term marriage, just minimal child support. Her ex husband basically left the majority of the burden of heir child's education on her and both my sister and my nephew work very hard (academically and at jobs) . Yes, I think my ex-BIL is the ass here.

I am very aware that SAH takes a toll on your earning potential and I also am very aware of the divorce rate. Your sister took the benefits of SAH and then does not want to live with the consequenses. I do not dispute her H is an ass but your sister rolled the dice. I am not feeling sorry for her. I, on the other hand, maybe becuase I had to pay my way through college, knew nothing in life was free. I worked to ensure the stability of my children's lives - it was not easy but worth the pitfalls.

If you can, then by all means do. If you are not able then no.
Kid can go and get his education in another country or make some other plan.
Money is not a way to measure your worth as a parent.
By the time they are done with high school it is no longer your responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my poor kids. All four successful, three in or already out of the service and working on school with good focus and maturity, quite unlike most of the teenagers I see in school. The oldest ditched a full scholarship to bum around the country for a few years, has now grown up and graduated from college and is well-employed. There is no sense in paying for school for kids. If they earn it, they will value it

Though I disagree with who you think should pay, I do agree with one point I took from your comments: one of my children would have benefited by maturing for a couple more years before starting college. There was no sense in me paying for school for that kid, at that time. But, that's another discussion.

My neighbor solved this problem with his less-than-ready kid (i.e. kid didn't think college was worth his time and wanted to hang out with his friends) by offering to pay for CC, with room and board free at home still, if said kid also got a part-time job. Kid did and discovered that he probably doesn't want to work in the service industry for the rest of his life. So he buckled down in CC and will be transferring to VA Tech this year. I thought it was pretty smart maneuvering on the part of my neighbor.

Anonymous wrote:Not my poor kids. All four successful, three in or already out of the service and working on school with good focus and maturity, quite unlike most of the teenagers I see in school. The oldest ditched a full scholarship to bum around the country for a few years, has now grown up and graduated from college and is well-employed. There is no sense in paying for school for kids. If they earn it, they will value it

Though I disagree with who you think should pay, I do agree with one point I took from your comments: one of my children would have benefited by maturing for a couple more years before starting college. There was no sense in me paying for school for that kid, at that time. But, that's another discussion.

I have a friend who is brilliant and was accepted full academic scholarship to top schools. This is NOT the norm. She chose the best, and her parents (who were more than able and paid for the other siblings college) had the audacity to have him pay them back - with interest! She did, but if I were his parents I would have been thrilled and paid every penny FOR her! It was on the siblings to get into better schools, period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are saving for college and have every intention of paying. My parents paid for undergrad (top state schools) for all 3 kids. DH the same and we both paid for our own grad school.

My sister is divorced and her oldest is in college with her second 2 years away. My sister does not make a lot, she was a SAHM for many years and has been making her way back up the work ladder over the Npast few years. My nephew is at a top tier private school and has enough aid from the school to make the cost equivalent to a state school. My sister makes significamy less than her ex-H but she and her now DH pay the majority of his school costs (nephew works hard, saves and contributes) because her ex is cheap on contributing as he does not want it to impact his lifestyle. She was married for many years to her first H and he is like a brother to me (moreso than her current H) but I am appalled at this. Nephew worked extremely hard in HS, college and generally all around.
J
My view is that kids should work hard and appreciate it but parents should do what is within their means to help make it happen and not burden their kids with a lot of debt to the extent that is within their means. I think a lot less of ex-BIL because of how he has handled this.

You are appalled that your nephew has to work hard? But your sister did not work for year? You want everybody living off the dole? You blame the ex-H and not your sister. Maybe she should have worked and she would not be in this position.

I am sorry, can you read? My sister was a SAHM for many years which was the choice of the family and she always worked hard. She reentered the workforce before her divorce. It many years out takes a toll on your earning potential. She has never received alimony from a very long term marriage, just minimal child support. Her ex husband basically left the majority of the burden of heir child's education on her and both my sister and my nephew work very hard (academically and at jobs) . Yes, I think my ex-BIL is the ass here.