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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior. [/quote]

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully,  and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage  daycare effortlessly,  fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment,  and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were  not tied to our spouse and  women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later,  and we were the first generation to normalize  divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older.  No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All  socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

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It does seem like PP is wrong, but I think these ideas did Boomer women a disservice. I can't get Betty Friedan's statement about SAHMs being parasites out of my head. I don't think being a SAHM is some kind of feminist act but I think most of us recognize now that it is a good choice for some women and it's awful to shame women for making that choice. And the idea that you were expected to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan is sad too. My heart really goes out to Boomer women (and Gen X women) who aspired to do it all, which usually required having low expectations for men when it came to childcare and housekeeping. Yes, Gloria Steinem said that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle, but many women chose men anyway because companionship is important too and they just dealt with the household inequities.

So, yes, Boomer women, thank you for the very real progress you made for women, and sorry you had to do it all.

I think what really is going on with the whole "Boomers want a thank you, Millennials want an apology" is that Boomers were treated badly by their parents too, but the idea of just dealing with it because we need to respect our parents just by virtual of them being our parents was still around. Now we have this idea that we aren't obligated to deal with mistreatment just because of family ties. We also tend to want more emotional connection in our relationships, and let's face it: it's hard to have emotional connection when you haven't repaired harm done. I know the analogy is a little strained, but I think about marriages where one partner has had an affair. What I see happen (if the affair came to light but there was no divorce) is one of two things: the couple detaches (or remains detached) emotionally and just tolerate each other as roommates, or they go to therapy, the wayward spouse expresses remorse, the betrayed spouse forgives, and eventually the relationship comes out stronger because of it. The majority of millennials who ask for an apology from their parents want to repair that relationship and have a deeper connection because that is what our society values more right now. And the Boomer parents think "I tolerated this in my parents, why can't you do the same?"

There are a lot of instances where people say "I will never be like my parents!" and then change their minds when they have kids, but I don't think that this will be the case with a refusal to apologize to kids. In fact I don't think I've seen a millennial who has adult children refuse to apologize for parenting mistakes unless they are pretty emotionally stunted.

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The oldest Millennials  would be early 40s,  41 to be exact.  They dont have adult children yet. Come on. 
And no, this generation's amazing self absorption, narcissism, and lack of enpathy, need to brand,  will not be generating apologies to anyone  (!) I can guarantee  that. Lol. [/quote]

Yes some do have adult children. People frequently have kids at age 23. I am 40 and I have a 16-year old. If I suddenly stop being capable of self-reflection, humility, and empathy and refuse to apologize to my kid, I’ll let you know and you can say I told you so. [/quote]

Right. I'm 41 and while I only have a 7 year old, I know people my age who have kids graduating high school or in college. Regardless, I always apologize to my child when I've done something wrong and I know most of my friends parent similarly. My parents have never ONCE apologized to me[/quote]

What should they apologize for? Explain
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Obviously, this is going to be different for every situation. All unhappy families are unhappy for different reasons. But if you want a sampling, I’m a millennial and here are the things my parents have apologized for:

Dad: being too controlling, spanking us every once in a while, letting us live with our mom in an unsafe home environment for too long.

Mom: not being able to give us a safe home environment, yelling at us constantly, blaming us for her problems, being too permissive.

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In what way was your moms home unsafe?[/quote]

Unsanitary, hoarder conditions, and the house was a fire hazard because it was wood, had old electrical wiring, and she used a wood-burning stove for heat (it actually burned down when I was 22). She also had random men staying over all the time. [/quote]
I'm sorry, PP. You did  have a hard experience, and I doubt you will have an apology because this was mental illness. I do hope you won't generalize to all Boomer,  parents of millennials,  etc., though. You can see this was, admittedly, a circumstance not a mindset of a group of people. 
I'm not your Mom, but I'll apologize for your experience, as no child should feel unsafe. This is, unfortunately, something that can happen in all generations. 
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