Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

I would say you were the exception, not the norm. My boomer mom got married 20, had me at 23, never went to college. She did work, but only sporadically when she had to. She always had jobs, not careers.

Don't generalize your personal experience with actual history. Why your mom took a route from a previous generation has nothing to do with what was actually going on. It might be a religious or socioeconomic thing or sociological ( midwest?) ...but no getting married at 20 was definitely not a thing. Is she in her late 70s? Older boomer? Is your family name Falwell or Duggar?
This is my generation, mid 60s and I can say your mother's experience doesn't reflect the times. I was there.

No, she's mid 60s also. Must be where I was raised, because most Boomer women I know got married in their 20s and had kids in their 20s.

I would have to ask- why didn't she go to college? All these Boomer women you know, why didn't they? Why didn't they work?
I had kids in my late 20s, and all of my contemporaries finished college and graduate school by then and had kids between 25 ish to 35ish.. I worked for 35 years amongst my contemporaries, all similar experiences. Getting married at 20, staying home in the 80s would have seemed odd. Getting married at 25, but staying home due to wealth was a different story, though, and that happened. But, even they went to work when the kids were older.

If most of the women you know had college degrees and a significant percentage had graduate degrees and you're a Boomer, you come from an outlier community. Title IX took effect in 1972 and it took a while for it to take hold and change habits. Prior to Title IX, women could be kicked out of college/grad school for getting pregnant. The numbers of women in professional graduate programs other than maybe education was tiny (and back then teachers did not need graduate degrees and few got them). Even fields that today are now dominated by women, like psychology, back then were predominantly male. And the higher paying professions like law and medicine? Overwhelmingly male. The number of lawyers who were women went from 3% in 1970 to 8% in 1980 -- a huge jump and also a drop in the bucket.

The vast majority of Boomer women were encouraged to marry and have children young and lacked educational opportunities. There were a lot of Boomer women who worked, but it was out of necessity, not choice, and the jobs they worked were either "pink collar" professions like teaching or nursing, or labor that today is largely performed by low-income immigrants -- childcare and housekeeping.

If most of the Boomer women you know were educated professionals, you are unusual, which is why the way people on this thread are describing their upbringing by Boomer parents may sound foreign to you. But their story is much more common than yours.

Ridiculous. Don't talk to me about my own generation. I was certainly not an outlier. I didn't live in any bubble either. My parent's parents were immigrants who were destitute, raised kids during the depresion. My parents had a different experience than their parents. They were the women who didn't largely work, but wanted to.
In my career, I have worked with a diverse group of contemporary women, diverse ages, ethnicities, races, socioeconomic status- all over the country. I can tell you we were absolutely in the work force, full stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

Some Boomer women were trailblazers. Most were not. I’m guessing the OP was not.

You have it backwards. Most were trailblazers, small minority were not. Women were entirely in the workplace, very few exceptions, unless quite wealthy (?) or cultural. Read up folks.

Not true. In 1960, 50% of households with kids had 2 married Parents with a stay at home mom.

You are actually illustrating the problem of generational confusion. You don't understand who the Boomers are. In 1960, I was a child. I was a toddler. My parents weren't Boomers. Yes, those Moms weren't generally in the professional work force. They weren't Boomers.

BUT- we were. We, the Boomer women absolutely were in the work force..and right away.
1960, to be a married and have kids and still be the oldest boomer, they would have had to be age 14.

Guys, please stop assigning generational abuse to Boomers, you really don't understand who the Boomer women are. You are confusing the silent
generation with the Boomers. And, most of your parents are the youngest Boomers- the Jonesers . Look at what the Boomer women did as a path for you, sexual freedom, the pill, sexual health, women in politics, work/ life balance, benefits and salary for women, racial and gender equity, fair hiring , marriage equity, child care, glass ceiling, etc. We started to leave religious ideals, broke cultural boundaries, maarried interracially. We divorced. AND- We brought technology in the home and workplace, not Gen X, not millennials, BTW.

Now, you might look at Mom differently knowing she had to fight for all that knowing that NOW it is all in peril by a growing right wing theocracy again. We are going backwards. Better ger back to the drawing board, ladies. And while you do that-
No need to call your parents morons.
No need to give your parents a house repair list.
Yes, you can take advice, it's not criticism.

**If your parents were mentally ill, under resourced, undereducated, you are having different issues- issues that are still going on today with children today, in all families, and for the same reasons, but it's not generational. Sorry.

You don't see the irony in your argument that non-Boomers view you all negatively simply because we must be confused. Certainly we don't appreciate your generation enough or else we'd fall over ourselves agreeing with the lot of you ... about how great you are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

Some Boomer women were trailblazers. Most were not. I’m guessing the OP was not.

You have it backwards. Most were trailblazers, small minority were not. Women were entirely in the workplace, very few exceptions, unless quite wealthy (?) or cultural. Read up folks.

Not true. In 1960, 50% of households with kids had 2 married Parents with a stay at home mom.

You are actually illustrating the problem of generational confusion. You don't understand who the Boomers are. In 1960, I was a child. I was a toddler. My parents weren't Boomers. Yes, those Moms weren't generally in the professional work force. They weren't Boomers.

BUT- we were. We, the Boomer women absolutely were in the work force..and right away.
1960, to be a married and have kids and still be the oldest boomer, they would have had to be age 14.

Guys, please stop assigning generational abuse to Boomers, you really don't understand who the Boomer women are. You are confusing the silent
generation with the Boomers. And, most of your parents are the youngest Boomers- the Jonesers . Look at what the Boomer women did as a path for you, sexual freedom, the pill, sexual health, women in politics, work/ life balance, benefits and salary for women, racial and gender equity, fair hiring , marriage equity, child care, glass ceiling, etc. We started to leave religious ideals, broke cultural boundaries, maarried interracially. We divorced. AND- We brought technology in the home and workplace, not Gen X, not millennials, BTW.

Now, you might look at Mom differently knowing she had to fight for all that knowing that NOW it is all in peril by a growing right wing theocracy again. We are going backwards. Better ger back to the drawing board, ladies. And while you do that-
No need to call your parents morons.
No need to give your parents a house repair list.
Yes, you can take advice, it's not criticism.

**If your parents were mentally ill, under resourced, undereducated, you are having different issues- issues that are still going on today with children today, in all families, and for the same reasons, but it's not generational. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

Some Boomer women were trailblazers. Most were not. I’m guessing the OP was not.

You have it backwards. Most were trailblazers, small minority were not. Women were entirely in the workplace, very few exceptions, unless quite wealthy (?) or cultural. Read up folks.

Not true. In 1960, 50% of households with kids had 2 married Parents with a stay at home mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

It does seem like PP is wrong, but I think these ideas did Boomer women a disservice. I can't get Betty Friedan's statement about SAHMs being parasites out of my head. I don't think being a SAHM is some kind of feminist act but I think most of us recognize now that it is a good choice for some women and it's awful to shame women for making that choice. And the idea that you were expected to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan is sad too. My heart really goes out to Boomer women (and Gen X women) who aspired to do it all, which usually required having low expectations for men when it came to childcare and housekeeping. Yes, Gloria Steinem said that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle, but many women chose men anyway because companionship is important too and they just dealt with the household inequities.

So, yes, Boomer women, thank you for the very real progress you made for women, and sorry you had to do it all.

I think what really is going on with the whole "Boomers want a thank you, Millennials want an apology" is that Boomers were treated badly by their parents too, but the idea of just dealing with it because we need to respect our parents just by virtual of them being our parents was still around. Now we have this idea that we aren't obligated to deal with mistreatment just because of family ties. We also tend to want more emotional connection in our relationships, and let's face it: it's hard to have emotional connection when you haven't repaired harm done. I know the analogy is a little strained, but I think about marriages where one partner has had an affair. What I see happen (if the affair came to light but there was no divorce) is one of two things: the couple detaches (or remains detached) emotionally and just tolerate each other as roommates, or they go to therapy, the wayward spouse expresses remorse, the betrayed spouse forgives, and eventually the relationship comes out stronger because of it. The majority of millennials who ask for an apology from their parents want to repair that relationship and have a deeper connection because that is what our society values more right now. And the Boomer parents think "I tolerated this in my parents, why can't you do the same?"

There are a lot of instances where people say "I will never be like my parents!" and then change their minds when they have kids, but I don't think that this will be the case with a refusal to apologize to kids. In fact I don't think I've seen a millennial who has adult children refuse to apologize for parenting mistakes unless they are pretty emotionally stunted.

The oldest Millennials would be early 40s, 41 to be exact. They dont have adult children yet. Come on.
And no, this generation's amazing self absorption, narcissism, and lack of enpathy, need to brand, will not be generating apologies to anyone (!) I can guarantee that. Lol.

Yes some do have adult children. People frequently have kids at age 23. I am 40 and I have a 16-year old. If I suddenly stop being capable of self-reflection, humility, and empathy and refuse to apologize to my kid, I’ll let you know and you can say I told you so.

Right. I'm 41 and while I only have a 7 year old, I know people my age who have kids graduating high school or in college. Regardless, I always apologize to my child when I've done something wrong and I know most of my friends parent similarly. My parents have never ONCE apologized to me

What should they apologize for? Explain

Obviously, this is going to be different for every situation. All unhappy families are unhappy for different reasons. But if you want a sampling, I’m a millennial and here are the things my parents have apologized for:

Dad: being too controlling, spanking us every once in a while, letting us live with our mom in an unsafe home environment for too long.

Mom: not being able to give us a safe home environment, yelling at us constantly, blaming us for her problems, being too permissive.

In what way was your moms home unsafe?

Unsanitary, hoarder conditions, and the house was a fire hazard because it was wood, had old electrical wiring, and she used a wood-burning stove for heat (it actually burned down when I was 22). She also had random men staying over all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

It does seem like PP is wrong, but I think these ideas did Boomer women a disservice. I can't get Betty Friedan's statement about SAHMs being parasites out of my head. I don't think being a SAHM is some kind of feminist act but I think most of us recognize now that it is a good choice for some women and it's awful to shame women for making that choice. And the idea that you were expected to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan is sad too. My heart really goes out to Boomer women (and Gen X women) who aspired to do it all, which usually required having low expectations for men when it came to childcare and housekeeping. Yes, Gloria Steinem said that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle, but many women chose men anyway because companionship is important too and they just dealt with the household inequities.

So, yes, Boomer women, thank you for the very real progress you made for women, and sorry you had to do it all.

I think what really is going on with the whole "Boomers want a thank you, Millennials want an apology" is that Boomers were treated badly by their parents too, but the idea of just dealing with it because we need to respect our parents just by virtual of them being our parents was still around. Now we have this idea that we aren't obligated to deal with mistreatment just because of family ties. We also tend to want more emotional connection in our relationships, and let's face it: it's hard to have emotional connection when you haven't repaired harm done. I know the analogy is a little strained, but I think about marriages where one partner has had an affair. What I see happen (if the affair came to light but there was no divorce) is one of two things: the couple detaches (or remains detached) emotionally and just tolerate each other as roommates, or they go to therapy, the wayward spouse expresses remorse, the betrayed spouse forgives, and eventually the relationship comes out stronger because of it. The majority of millennials who ask for an apology from their parents want to repair that relationship and have a deeper connection because that is what our society values more right now. And the Boomer parents think "I tolerated this in my parents, why can't you do the same?"

There are a lot of instances where people say "I will never be like my parents!" and then change their minds when they have kids, but I don't think that this will be the case with a refusal to apologize to kids. In fact I don't think I've seen a millennial who has adult children refuse to apologize for parenting mistakes unless they are pretty emotionally stunted.

The oldest Millennials would be early 40s, 41 to be exact. They dont have adult children yet. Come on.
And no, this generation's amazing self absorption, narcissism, and lack of enpathy, need to brand, will not be generating apologies to anyone (!) I can guarantee that. Lol.

Yes some do have adult children. People frequently have kids at age 23. I am 40 and I have a 16-year old. If I suddenly stop being capable of self-reflection, humility, and empathy and refuse to apologize to my kid, I’ll let you know and you can say I told you so.

Right. I'm 41 and while I only have a 7 year old, I know people my age who have kids graduating high school or in college. Regardless, I always apologize to my child when I've done something wrong and I know most of my friends parent similarly. My parents have never ONCE apologized to me

What should they apologize for? Explain

Obviously, this is going to be different for every situation. All unhappy families are unhappy for different reasons. But if you want a sampling, I’m a millennial and here are the things my parents have apologized for:

Dad: being too controlling, spanking us every once in a while, letting us live with our mom in an unsafe home environment for too long.

Mom: not being able to give us a safe home environment, yelling at us constantly, blaming us for her problems, being too permissive.

In what way was your moms home unsafe?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idk man you raised them. If they’re ungrateful you should have raised them to have more gratitude.

+1
Take some responsibility. You reap what you sow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

It does seem like PP is wrong, but I think these ideas did Boomer women a disservice. I can't get Betty Friedan's statement about SAHMs being parasites out of my head. I don't think being a SAHM is some kind of feminist act but I think most of us recognize now that it is a good choice for some women and it's awful to shame women for making that choice. And the idea that you were expected to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan is sad too. My heart really goes out to Boomer women (and Gen X women) who aspired to do it all, which usually required having low expectations for men when it came to childcare and housekeeping. Yes, Gloria Steinem said that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle, but many women chose men anyway because companionship is important too and they just dealt with the household inequities.

So, yes, Boomer women, thank you for the very real progress you made for women, and sorry you had to do it all.

I think what really is going on with the whole "Boomers want a thank you, Millennials want an apology" is that Boomers were treated badly by their parents too, but the idea of just dealing with it because we need to respect our parents just by virtual of them being our parents was still around. Now we have this idea that we aren't obligated to deal with mistreatment just because of family ties. We also tend to want more emotional connection in our relationships, and let's face it: it's hard to have emotional connection when you haven't repaired harm done. I know the analogy is a little strained, but I think about marriages where one partner has had an affair. What I see happen (if the affair came to light but there was no divorce) is one of two things: the couple detaches (or remains detached) emotionally and just tolerate each other as roommates, or they go to therapy, the wayward spouse expresses remorse, the betrayed spouse forgives, and eventually the relationship comes out stronger because of it. The majority of millennials who ask for an apology from their parents want to repair that relationship and have a deeper connection because that is what our society values more right now. And the Boomer parents think "I tolerated this in my parents, why can't you do the same?"

There are a lot of instances where people say "I will never be like my parents!" and then change their minds when they have kids, but I don't think that this will be the case with a refusal to apologize to kids. In fact I don't think I've seen a millennial who has adult children refuse to apologize for parenting mistakes unless they are pretty emotionally stunted.

The oldest Millennials would be early 40s, 41 to be exact. They dont have adult children yet. Come on.
And no, this generation's amazing self absorption, narcissism, and lack of enpathy, need to brand, will not be generating apologies to anyone (!) I can guarantee that. Lol.

Yes some do have adult children. People frequently have kids at age 23. I am 40 and I have a 16-year old. If I suddenly stop being capable of self-reflection, humility, and empathy and refuse to apologize to my kid, I’ll let you know and you can say I told you so.

Right. I'm 41 and while I only have a 7 year old, I know people my age who have kids graduating high school or in college. Regardless, I always apologize to my child when I've done something wrong and I know most of my friends parent similarly. My parents have never ONCE apologized to me

What should they apologize for? Explain

Obviously, this is going to be different for every situation. All unhappy families are unhappy for different reasons. But if you want a sampling, I’m a millennial and here are the things my parents have apologized for:

Dad: being too controlling, spanking us every once in a while, letting us live with our mom in an unsafe home environment for too long.

Mom: not being able to give us a safe home environment, yelling at us constantly, blaming us for her problems, being too permissive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

It does seem like PP is wrong, but I think these ideas did Boomer women a disservice. I can't get Betty Friedan's statement about SAHMs being parasites out of my head. I don't think being a SAHM is some kind of feminist act but I think most of us recognize now that it is a good choice for some women and it's awful to shame women for making that choice. And the idea that you were expected to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan is sad too. My heart really goes out to Boomer women (and Gen X women) who aspired to do it all, which usually required having low expectations for men when it came to childcare and housekeeping. Yes, Gloria Steinem said that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle, but many women chose men anyway because companionship is important too and they just dealt with the household inequities.

So, yes, Boomer women, thank you for the very real progress you made for women, and sorry you had to do it all.

I think what really is going on with the whole "Boomers want a thank you, Millennials want an apology" is that Boomers were treated badly by their parents too, but the idea of just dealing with it because we need to respect our parents just by virtual of them being our parents was still around. Now we have this idea that we aren't obligated to deal with mistreatment just because of family ties. We also tend to want more emotional connection in our relationships, and let's face it: it's hard to have emotional connection when you haven't repaired harm done. I know the analogy is a little strained, but I think about marriages where one partner has had an affair. What I see happen (if the affair came to light but there was no divorce) is one of two things: the couple detaches (or remains detached) emotionally and just tolerate each other as roommates, or they go to therapy, the wayward spouse expresses remorse, the betrayed spouse forgives, and eventually the relationship comes out stronger because of it. The majority of millennials who ask for an apology from their parents want to repair that relationship and have a deeper connection because that is what our society values more right now. And the Boomer parents think "I tolerated this in my parents, why can't you do the same?"

There are a lot of instances where people say "I will never be like my parents!" and then change their minds when they have kids, but I don't think that this will be the case with a refusal to apologize to kids. In fact I don't think I've seen a millennial who has adult children refuse to apologize for parenting mistakes unless they are pretty emotionally stunted.

The oldest Millennials would be early 40s, 41 to be exact. They dont have adult children yet. Come on.
And no, this generation's amazing self absorption, narcissism, and lack of enpathy, need to brand, will not be generating apologies to anyone (!) I can guarantee that. Lol.

Yes some do have adult children. People frequently have kids at age 23. I am 40 and I have a 16-year old. If I suddenly stop being capable of self-reflection, humility, and empathy and refuse to apologize to my kid, I’ll let you know and you can say I told you so.

Right. I'm 41 and while I only have a 7 year old, I know people my age who have kids graduating high school or in college. Regardless, I always apologize to my child when I've done something wrong and I know most of my friends parent similarly. My parents have never ONCE apologized to me

What should they apologize for? Explain

Constant angry outbursts, hitting me, criticizing my weight, ignoring very obvious mental health issues I had... is that enough for you?

So this is a personality thing, not a generation thing.

I suppose. But a lot of boomers seem to have that personality ...

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Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

I would say you were the exception, not the norm. My boomer mom got married 20, had me at 23, never went to college. She did work, but only sporadically when she had to. She always had jobs, not careers.

Don't generalize your personal experience with actual history. Why your mom took a route from a previous generation has nothing to do with what was actually going on. It might be a religious or socioeconomic thing or sociological ( midwest?) ...but no getting married at 20 was definitely not a thing. Is she in her late 70s? Older boomer? Is your family name Falwell or Duggar?
This is my generation, mid 60s and I can say your mother's experience doesn't reflect the times. I was there.

No, she's mid 60s also. Must be where I was raised, because most Boomer women I know got married in their 20s and had kids in their 20s.

I would have to ask- why didn't she go to college? All these Boomer women you know, why didn't they? Why didn't they work?
I had kids in my late 20s, and all of my contemporaries finished college and graduate school by then and had kids between 25 ish to 35ish.. I worked for 35 years amongst my contemporaries, all similar experiences. Getting married at 20, staying home in the 80s would have seemed odd. Getting married at 25, but staying home due to wealth was a different story, though, and that happened. But, even they went to work when the kids were older.

If most of the women you know had college degrees and a significant percentage had graduate degrees and you're a Boomer, you come from an outlier community. Title IX took effect in 1972 and it took a while for it to take hold and change habits. Prior to Title IX, women could be kicked out of college/grad school for getting pregnant. The numbers of women in professional graduate programs other than maybe education was tiny (and back then teachers did not need graduate degrees and few got them). Even fields that today are now dominated by women, like psychology, back then were predominantly male. And the higher paying professions like law and medicine? Overwhelmingly male. The number of lawyers who were women went from 3% in 1970 to 8% in 1980 -- a huge jump and also a drop in the bucket.

The vast majority of Boomer women were encouraged to marry and have children young and lacked educational opportunities. There were a lot of Boomer women who worked, but it was out of necessity, not choice, and the jobs they worked were either "pink collar" professions like teaching or nursing, or labor that today is largely performed by low-income immigrants -- childcare and housekeeping.

If most of the Boomer women you know were educated professionals, you are unusual, which is why the way people on this thread are describing their upbringing by Boomer parents may sound foreign to you. But their story is much more common than yours.

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Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

I would say you were the exception, not the norm. My boomer mom got married 20, had me at 23, never went to college. She did work, but only sporadically when she had to. She always had jobs, not careers.

Don't generalize your personal experience with actual history. Why your mom took a route from a previous generation has nothing to do with what was actually going on. It might be a religious or socioeconomic thing or sociological ( midwest?) ...but no getting married at 20 was definitely not a thing. Is she in her late 70s? Older boomer? Is your family name Falwell or Duggar?
This is my generation, mid 60s and I can say your mother's experience doesn't reflect the times. I was there.

No, she's mid 60s also. Must be where I was raised, because most Boomer women I know got married in their 20s and had kids in their 20s.

I would have to ask- why didn't she go to college? All these Boomer women you know, why didn't they? Why didn't they work?
I had kids in my late 20s, and all of my contemporaries finished college and graduate school by then and had kids between 25 ish to 35ish.. I worked for 35 years amongst my contemporaries, all similar experiences. Getting married at 20, staying home in the 80s would have seemed odd. Getting married at 25, but staying home due to wealth was a different story, though, and that happened. But, even they went to work when the kids were older.

If most of the women you know had college degrees and a significant percentage had graduate degrees and you're a Boomer, you come from an outlier community. Title IX took effect in 1972 and it took a while for it to take hold and change habits. Prior to Title IX, women could be kicked out of college/grad school for getting pregnant. The numbers of women in professional graduate programs other than maybe education was tiny (and back then teachers did not need graduate degrees and few got them). Even fields that today are now dominated by women, like psychology, back then were predominantly male. And the higher paying professions like law and medicine? Overwhelmingly male. The number of lawyers who were women went from 3% in 1970 to 8% in 1980 -- a huge jump and also a drop in the bucket.

The vast majority of Boomer women were encouraged to marry and have children young and lacked educational opportunities. There were a lot of Boomer women who worked, but it was out of necessity, not choice, and the jobs they worked were either "pink collar" professions like teaching or nursing, or labor that today is largely performed by low-income immigrants -- childcare and housekeeping.

If most of the Boomer women you know were educated professionals, you are unusual, which is why the way people on this thread are describing their upbringing by Boomer parents may sound foreign to you. But their story is much more common than yours.

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Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

Some Boomer women were trailblazers. Most were not. I’m guessing the OP was not.

You have it backwards. Most were trailblazers, small minority were not. Women were entirely in the workplace, very few exceptions, unless quite wealthy (?) or cultural. Read up folks.

https://www.eeoc.gov/special-report/women-american-workforce

Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964. They would come of working age between 1964-1982. There was definitely not a majority of women working during that time. A majority of women working has only more recently occurred.

The boomers in question here are in their 60s, and yes they did work. All of them. Maybe not in West Virginia, etc., but as a generational motivator, yes.
The older boomers are mid 70s pushing 80, and their kids aren't millennials. It's not all one entity.

I didn't grow up in West Virginia and lots of Boomer moms didn't work. My mom was one of the few that did. But also, even if I was from West Virginia, that experience is still just as valid as yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

I would say you were the exception, not the norm. My boomer mom got married 20, had me at 23, never went to college. She did work, but only sporadically when she had to. She always had jobs, not careers.

Don't generalize your personal experience with actual history. Why your mom took a route from a previous generation has nothing to do with what was actually going on. It might be a religious or socioeconomic thing or sociological ( midwest?) ...but no getting married at 20 was definitely not a thing. Is she in her late 70s? Older boomer? Is your family name Falwell or Duggar?
This is my generation, mid 60s and I can say your mother's experience doesn't reflect the times. I was there.

No, she's mid 60s also. Must be where I was raised, because most Boomer women I know got married in their 20s and had kids in their 20s.

I would have to ask- why didn't she go to college? All these Boomer women you know, why didn't they? Why didn't they work?
I had kids in my late 20s, and all of my contemporaries finished college and graduate school by then and had kids between 25 ish to 35ish.. I worked for 35 years amongst my contemporaries, all similar experiences. Getting married at 20, staying home in the 80s would have seemed odd. Getting married at 25, but staying home due to wealth was a different story, though, and that happened. But, even they went to work when the kids were older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

It does seem like PP is wrong, but I think these ideas did Boomer women a disservice. I can't get Betty Friedan's statement about SAHMs being parasites out of my head. I don't think being a SAHM is some kind of feminist act but I think most of us recognize now that it is a good choice for some women and it's awful to shame women for making that choice. And the idea that you were expected to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan is sad too. My heart really goes out to Boomer women (and Gen X women) who aspired to do it all, which usually required having low expectations for men when it came to childcare and housekeeping. Yes, Gloria Steinem said that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle, but many women chose men anyway because companionship is important too and they just dealt with the household inequities.

So, yes, Boomer women, thank you for the very real progress you made for women, and sorry you had to do it all.

I think what really is going on with the whole "Boomers want a thank you, Millennials want an apology" is that Boomers were treated badly by their parents too, but the idea of just dealing with it because we need to respect our parents just by virtual of them being our parents was still around. Now we have this idea that we aren't obligated to deal with mistreatment just because of family ties. We also tend to want more emotional connection in our relationships, and let's face it: it's hard to have emotional connection when you haven't repaired harm done. I know the analogy is a little strained, but I think about marriages where one partner has had an affair. What I see happen (if the affair came to light but there was no divorce) is one of two things: the couple detaches (or remains detached) emotionally and just tolerate each other as roommates, or they go to therapy, the wayward spouse expresses remorse, the betrayed spouse forgives, and eventually the relationship comes out stronger because of it. The majority of millennials who ask for an apology from their parents want to repair that relationship and have a deeper connection because that is what our society values more right now. And the Boomer parents think "I tolerated this in my parents, why can't you do the same?"

There are a lot of instances where people say "I will never be like my parents!" and then change their minds when they have kids, but I don't think that this will be the case with a refusal to apologize to kids. In fact I don't think I've seen a millennial who has adult children refuse to apologize for parenting mistakes unless they are pretty emotionally stunted.

The oldest Millennials would be early 40s, 41 to be exact. They dont have adult children yet. Come on.
And no, this generation's amazing self absorption, narcissism, and lack of enpathy, need to brand, will not be generating apologies to anyone (!) I can guarantee that. Lol.

Yes some do have adult children. People frequently have kids at age 23. I am 40 and I have a 16-year old. If I suddenly stop being capable of self-reflection, humility, and empathy and refuse to apologize to my kid, I’ll let you know and you can say I told you so.

Right. I'm 41 and while I only have a 7 year old, I know people my age who have kids graduating high school or in college. Regardless, I always apologize to my child when I've done something wrong and I know most of my friends parent similarly. My parents have never ONCE apologized to me

What should they apologize for? Explain