Reply to What percentage of men cheat?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment.  Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things:  took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids?  Marraige is very very complicated. [/quote]

I agree with this. I have never cheated nor had my spouse to my knowledge. But I think we as a society attach such monumental importance to strict, perfect fidelity over many decades, which is just kind of silly when you think about it in the context of our animal nature, changing emotional, physical, and intellectual needs over time. It’s almost like we use the concept of fidelity as a measure of our safety in the relationship and financially. I’m just opining here. I think there are other ways of doing life and relationships that perhaps more people are starting to think about. [/quote]

Many people agree with you. I assume a lot of the people so outraged by cheating are younger and idealistic. I am nearing 50. Call me jaded, but when I look around at the actual marriages that are still going (there are many of them!), a lot of them are sexless, or the passion is gone. Even the stats about married people age 50+ show that most aren't having sex that often and many are down to once a month or less.

Do you throw it all away for one last chance at experiencing life's greatest joys? Or just bottle that stuff inside and let the resentment grow?

Regardless of the moralizing, our animal instincts often win out.[/quote]

But then you divorce or open the marriage like an adult. Not pretend you didn't eat a cookie.[/quote]

+2.  Exactly.  Open the marriage or divorce.  [b]This is where there’s never a good answer to why not open marriage/cheat except that it’s not good for them[/b] (obviously the messaging is that cheating is for the benefit of wife/kids etc. which is clearly not the case). [/quote]

PP cheater here, of course this is the answer. I don't ask for an open marriage because she will say no and then be suspicious. What is good for me is keeping my marriage intact and having sex on the side. What would be best for me is having a loving sexual relationship but she doesn't want that with me. If she catches me, she can decide to divorce or not.[/quote]

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