Reply to Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Am I the only one who thinks this is basically the story of every single person, woman or man (save for the rare group of people who relish their roles as SAHP)  who decided with their spouses early in the marriage that they would scale back their careers either part time or wholly for kids and family life, then mourns the loss of an independent identity outside of the family 10-15-20 years later? I mean, it’s too predictable of an outcome it’s interesting to me that this topic seems to warrant so much discussion.
OP, just [b]help your wife establish an identity outside of the family[/b] whether it’s a new job or hobby or passion. Hire someone for appropriate childcare and housework, I’m sure you can afford both full time. [/quote]
You're probably right...though I also think that most family structures end up so highly customized to the details of their choices and circumstances the approach to implementing the bolded is not always obvious, and definitely not universal.

I think it's also difficult to do, because as a culture we tend to always value financial success over impact. If you're starting out later in life, your success is less likely to be financial...but it may still be impactful or fulfilling. To share my own example, around when our second DC was born, I ended up choosing a less lucrative and prestigious job in exchange for a lot more flexibility. Very quickly, I ended up kind of bored even though my job was still reasonably respectable. I ended up investing a lot of time and energy into a volunteer leadership position. It didn't always make sense to him, but DH bended as needed for it (e.g. coming home early if I had an evening meeting). At this point, I have opportunities to get paid to do the type of work I've been doing as a volunteer that aren't quite as much as my solid tech job, but at least reasonable. This didn't happen overnight, though, and DH did need to make some sacrifices/compromises to support something he frequently didn't understand and occasionally resented. I think part of what worked for me was a determination to just do it, no matter what, and a DH who was savvy enough to recognize that it was better for him/our family to let me. But it's taken years.[/quote]

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