Reply to Why he won't leave his wife for his mistress

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Why he won't leave his wife for his mistress"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Back in my 30’s I had three AP’s over an 8 year period. We were raising 2 DC’s, parenting well, building careers and having regular, if uninspired, sex. 
I’m the kind of guy that doesn’t seek and rarely has had sex for the sake of having sex. I fell in love with all 3 AP’s and the affairs ended when the relationships reached the point where I either had to leave DW or end the relationships. I ended them and it was painful. Divorced a few years later, remarried and been monogamous since. 
In retrospect, I think the relationship with DW was missing something which is why I was open to an AP.  [/quote]

In it now, and trying to break it off.  I generally agree, affairs are a result of something wrong in the relationship, could be lack of sex or something else.  Not trying to justifying it, but it's a symptom, not a cause.[/quote]

Not really.  Affairs are because there’s something missing in you, not someone else.  [/quote]

Sorry, I wasn't implying there was something missing in my wife, but there was something definitely missing in my relationship with my wife.  Yes, sure, there is something missing in me that I wasn't able to stay faithful in a sexless marriage, and something missing in her in refusing to have sex rather than use her words and sort through why.  I am also faithful and happy now in a second marriage, but it breaks my heart for me kids who are the collateral damage from two people who couldn't make a marriage work.  We are co-parenting well.[/quote]

Listen, I think you sound like a good guy.  The thing I'm talking about is that a first marriage where both of you are learning how to be married, have kids together and figure out daily things of life is a very difficult time.  Read other posts on here where wives explain that they was a lot of sex in their marriage prior to kids and reduced after having kids.  Having kids and raising kids is tough for mothers and what you consider to be something missing in your wife is really because life gets really tough for women after kids with having to handle it all.  Therefore, what you consider as something  missing in your first marriage is really a first marriage with kids issue and how you chose to handle it is by cheating.  Maybe you've learned to handle things better now or don't have kids everyday in your current marriage or are less stressed about financials now and these things mean you're handling things is better now.  It's not ex-wife issue but "you" issue.  This is why I wonder if your response to difficult situation at one time was to cheat, it's more likely you will do so again when things get tough again (and there will be ups/downs in a marriage) unless you understand what within you caused you to cheat.  What I'm saying is that cheating is not caused by something external to you, it's an internal response.  It's your issue.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics