Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I recently ended a 4-year affair. I never loved her. I compartmentalized. She’s nothing like my wife. My wife is beautiful, intelligent, confident, has a successful career and a wonderful family. This woman was broken like me. She is actually everything I don’t like. I actually “picked” somebody I knew I could never fall in love with. She told me she loved me and I strung her along because it was easy sex. I used her. She does not work. She is a liar and a cheater (yes- I know I am too). She is not that intelligent, but full of her self.

I ended it and never looked back. The woman wanted to leave her husband for me. I always told her I would never leave my wife. It was easy sex I used to fill a void I had inside myself which had nothing to do with my wife or our sex life. I was having regular, good sex with my wife. This was due to Mental issues I had and an unhealthy need for constant validation and thrill/risk. I started therapy while it was going on and knew it was wrong. It was like an alcoholic that uses booze, but hates himself and hates the booze. I ended up truly hating this woman. She was extremely manipulative and started stalking me. There are addiction issues in my family which I suffer with and I need to address facts about myself I never have before.

I am so angry at myself. I hate myself. My life was perfect. My wife and kids are perfect. I f@cked everything up. I see how awful I was. I am doing everything to try and fix this and I’m so scared my wife will never get over it. I don’t blame her.

This is about the first honest, self-aware post I have ever read on DCUM from a cheater. Really, your story is the story of every cheater, but most have not been to therapy to figure out how they are broken. Every cheater on here should take your post to heart.

Is your DW the one who is ready to go batshit (justifiably) on your AP, who you met on Ashley Madison?

Yes. My wife did track her her down. I have had zero contact with AP since I ended it. I don’t blame my wife. She holds each of us accountable.

AP refuses to take any responsibility. She asked my wife if my wife really wanted to ruin 2 families. Delusional. My wife did nothing. My wife did not ruin a single family. The AP and I are the ones ruining families. I see how mentally ill this woman is and it was not her first affair. She hates and despises her husband. I always told her I loved and respected my wife which drove her crazy and she was very jealous of my wife. I realize now saying that and doing what I did to my wife do not “fit”. I am seeing two therapists, attend a weekly addiction group, just got a vasectomy, std tested, and will sign any post-nup my wife puts in front of me. My wife won’t go to counseling with me right now. She can’t stand to look at me. I don’t blame her, but will spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to be a better person, husband and father. I will do this whether she chooses to stay or go. I never want another wife or family. Mine was perfect and I blew it up. I hate myself. The hurt and disgust in my wife’s eyes is so painful. I will have to live with this the rest of my life. And, as my wife told me, so will she and she didn’t have the benefit of “4 years of fun” first. I would tell anybody, do NOT do this. Do not cheat on a spouse. It’s never a solution to any problems or demons inside.

Can I ask how is it that you were in this relationship for 4 years and just now feel guilty? What led to ending this relationship and this feeling of guilt? What if your wife doesn't want to have sex with you for a while because of cheating....how long will you be patient and not cheat again?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back in my 30’s I had three AP’s over an 8 year period. We were raising 2 DC’s, parenting well, building careers and having regular, if uninspired, sex.
I’m the kind of guy that doesn’t seek and rarely has had sex for the sake of having sex. I fell in love with all 3 AP’s and the affairs ended when the relationships reached the point where I either had to leave DW or end the relationships. I ended them and it was painful. Divorced a few years later, remarried and been monogamous since.
In retrospect, I think the relationship with DW was missing something which is why I was open to an AP.

In it now, and trying to break it off. I generally agree, affairs are a result of something wrong in the relationship, could be lack of sex or something else. Not trying to justifying it, but it's a symptom, not a cause.

Not really. Affairs are because there’s something missing in you, not someone else.

Well said. That's it entirely.

Normal people cope with life's problems. Others with deep flaws drink, take drugs, have food addiction, engage in promiscuous behavior, and of course lying and cheating.

Can I ask how is it that you were in this relationship for 4 years and just now feel guilty? What led to ending this relationship and this feeling of guilt? What if your wife doesn't want to have sex with you for a while because of cheating....how long will you be patient and not cheat again?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I recently ended a 4-year affair. I never loved her. I compartmentalized. She’s nothing like my wife. My wife is beautiful, intelligent, confident, has a successful career and a wonderful family. This woman was broken like me. She is actually everything I don’t like. I actually “picked” somebody I knew I could never fall in love with. She told me she loved me and I strung her along because it was easy sex. I used her. She does not work. She is a liar and a cheater (yes- I know I am too). She is not that intelligent, but full of her self.

I ended it and never looked back. The woman wanted to leave her husband for me. I always told her I would never leave my wife. It was easy sex I used to fill a void I had inside myself which had nothing to do with my wife or our sex life. I was having regular, good sex with my wife. This was due to Mental issues I had and an unhealthy need for constant validation and thrill/risk. I started therapy while it was going on and knew it was wrong. It was like an alcoholic that uses booze, but hates himself and hates the booze. I ended up truly hating this woman. She was extremely manipulative and started stalking me. There are addiction issues in my family which I suffer with and I need to address facts about myself I never have before.

I am so angry at myself. I hate myself. My life was perfect. My wife and kids are perfect. I f@cked everything up. I see how awful I was. I am doing everything to try and fix this and I’m so scared my wife will never get over it. I don’t blame her.

This is about the first honest, self-aware post I have ever read on DCUM from a cheater. Really, your story is the story of every cheater, but most have not been to therapy to figure out how they are broken. Every cheater on here should take your post to heart.

Is your DW the one who is ready to go batshit (justifiably) on your AP, who you met on Ashley Madison?

Yes. My wife did track her her down. I have had zero contact with AP since I ended it. I don’t blame my wife. She holds each of us accountable.

AP refuses to take any responsibility. She asked my wife if my wife really wanted to ruin 2 families. Delusional. My wife did nothing. My wife did not ruin a single family. The AP and I are the ones ruining families. I see how mentally ill this woman is and it was not her first affair. She hates and despises her husband. I always told her I loved and respected my wife which drove her crazy and she was very jealous of my wife. I realize now saying that and doing what I did to my wife do not “fit”. I am seeing two therapists, attend a weekly addiction group, just got a vasectomy, std tested, and will sign any post-nup my wife puts in front of me. My wife won’t go to counseling with me right now. She can’t stand to look at me. I don’t blame her, but will spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to be a better person, husband and father. I will do this whether she chooses to stay or go. I never want another wife or family. Mine was perfect and I blew it up. I hate myself. The hurt and disgust in my wife’s eyes is so painful. I will have to live with this the rest of my life. And, as my wife told me, so will she and she didn’t have the benefit of “4 years of fun” first. I would tell anybody, do NOT do this. Do not cheat on a spouse. It’s never a solution to any problems or demons inside.

Anonymous wrote:

I recently ended a 4-year affair. I never loved her. I compartmentalized. She’s nothing like my wife. My wife is beautiful, intelligent, confident, has a successful career and a wonderful family. This woman was broken like me. She is actually everything I don’t like. I actually “picked” somebody I knew I could never fall in love with. She told me she loved me and I strung her along because it was easy sex. I used her. She does not work. She is a liar and a cheater (yes- I know I am too). She is not that intelligent, but full of her self.

I ended it and never looked back. The woman wanted to leave her husband for me. I always told her I would never leave my wife. It was easy sex I used to fill a void I had inside myself which had nothing to do with my wife or our sex life. I was having regular, good sex with my wife. This was due to Mental issues I had and an unhealthy need for constant validation and thrill/risk. I started therapy while it was going on and knew it was wrong. It was like an alcoholic that uses booze, but hates himself and hates the booze. I ended up truly hating this woman. She was extremely manipulative and started stalking me. There are addiction issues in my family which I suffer with and I need to address facts about myself I never have before.

I am so angry at myself. I hate myself. My life was perfect. My wife and kids are perfect. I f@cked everything up. I see how awful I was. I am doing everything to try and fix this and I’m so scared my wife will never get over it. I don’t blame her.

This is about the first honest, self-aware post I have ever read on DCUM from a cheater. Really, your story is the story of every cheater, but most have not been to therapy to figure out how they are broken. Every cheater on here should take your post to heart.

Is your DW the one who is ready to go batshit (justifiably) on your AP, who you met on Ashley Madison?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ they also blatantly lie about the state of their marriage and how much sex they are really getting at home.. it’s the fake sob story to commiserate and get laid.

It's generally not a lie when a married man says his wife does not want sex. Why do you think most married men are constantly on the prowl? Like you said, they are not looking for conversation or relationship just sex. A husband who gets that (sex) with his wife has no reason to deal with other women expecting conversation or romantic gestures from him.

What makes you think that, in the history of woman-kind, a man's admission that "not even my wife will f-k me" is an effective panty-wetting line?[/quote]
Lol. Newsflash to APs: If your AP's spouse isn't having sex with your AP, maybe there's a reason.