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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I strongly recommend you keep your own counsel from now on. There are some loons on this board with strange agendas. Telling you to break up- that's nuts.[/quote]

It really isn't. She keeps floating that as an option -- so, yes, it's certainly an option and it's clearly at the forefront of her mind.[/quote]

OP here. I float that as an option because everyone seems to be telling me there is no path forward.  My boyfriend has flat out told me his daughter doesnt get veto power. This relationship is going to happen.  But we want it to happen in the least traumatizing way to the daughter because contrary to popular belief, she matters and her relationship with her dad matters.  As one PP pointed out, she actually does hope her parents get back together and in part, this explains why she was cool towards me at first and the more serious our relationship has become, the more hostile she's been.  It's also hard to know what's self-centered teen behavior and what's actually a real issue.   I completely agree that blending families isn't easy and because of school districts, there is not going to be any short term blending.  Do we hope that we can bring the kids together in the future for simple things like family bbqs or hikes or holiday dinners, absolutely.  But that's not going to happen until his daughter is a bit more comfortable.  Flipping out because I am at the pool seems extreme.  Not being able to say hello because I drop by on a weekend afternoon, also extreme. [/quote]

His daughter may never get "a bit more comfortable." I think that's what you're missing here. You're going to have to accept that you may never win this child over. Like ever. I don't know what state you're in but in the DC area we've all been ordered to stay at home and not make social visits. If you follow the order, perhaps this will give his daughter a cooling off period. See what happens the next time you all connect, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. I also don't feel like this is about her being self-centered. Children have feelings too and it takes time to get past those. You can't rush it or wish it away. Divorce is a lot more traumatizing to children than people would like to admit. [/quote]

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