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[quote=Anonymous]His resentment. DH thinks that he contributes more to the household than I do because he has a lower tolerance for mess and is the one who usually cleans. I actually think our division is pretty even because I do all the mental load regarding household and kids along with grocery shopping, shared cooking duties, 3/4 laundry (he does his own), scheduling, etc. There are studies that show that husbands often think their household contributions are equal when their wives do not. In our case, I think that the fact that they're equal makes him think he's doing more.

His resentment comes out in anger. He also goes nuts if he thinks I or the kids are acting "entitled." I appreciate all that he does, I would appreciate it more if it wasn't done with a negative attitude. My perspective is that I'm happy to do something for you and let you enjoy it. For example, if it is my night to make dinner, I am fine with you doing work, watching tv, or whatever you want until it's time to eat. To him, if it's his night this falls under "entitled" and if we aren't always asking if he needs help, setting the table 45 minutes beforehand, we're lazy, etc. Also, he really doesn't know how to give the benefit of the doubt.

I can see that some of this is because his "love language" is acts of service while mine is "quality time." He rarely wants to do anything with me or the kids, go out, socialize with people, etc. so I have to live a pretty independent life. I think we also both need to realize that the other person's lack of preferred action doesn't mean we don't love each other or care. We can both make more effort to "give/speak" in the other's preferred mode.

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