Reply to MIL mad that we want to host Thanksgiving

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does every holiday have to include so much family? Traveling two and a half to three hours is a lot, especially on a crazy travel weekend.

OP, you would have been on firmer ground to have just said that the travel on a busy weekend is too much for you, so your nuclear family will be celebrating at home. You then could have asked your husband's mother if she would like to join you. With a yes to that, you could have gone ahead and invited her usual guests.

Instead, you told her that you would be inviting her and her usual guests to your house even though you knew that that is not what she wanted. There's a difference between not wanting to travel yourself and deciding unilaterally to move the whole party to your house.

For instance, in my neighborhood, there's a family that throws a big St. Patrick's day party every year and many of the neighbors attend. It is a tradition and everyone enjoys and looks forward to this party each year. The party also includes many friends of these neighbors who don't live in our neighborhood.

What if one year I decided to invite the entire guest list from that party to my house for St. Patrick's day and I sent out the invitations in September? Don't you think my neighbors who have always given this party would be justifiably upset with me?
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The difference being that DCUM would be raking her over the coals for "leaving it so late" and "springing it on poor MIL" and "not giving anyone time to consider this change." NP

+1. OP still hasn't clarified if MIL knew they were going to be inviting everyone now, 7 months early, or if the other guests knew - when they were invited and accepted - that their usual hostess by not on board and possibly didn't know they were being invited this far out.

OP, your arguments for wanting to host are valid, of course. But based on how the invitations were handled and who knew what when, it can come across as a power play of sorts.  You say you don't care if everyone still goes to MILs, but if you're invitations to them implied MIL was already in agreement with the change of plans, you've put them in an awkward spot (which is rude). I'm thinking more of the aunt/uncle. It's obvious OP and SIL are all for blowing up this hold MIL has.[/quote]

[b]Yes, I have clarified that, and yes, she did know ahead of time we’d be reaching out this early. -OP[/b][/quote]

You hadn't actually clarified that, but ok.  MIL knew you were about to invite everyone to your house instead of hers, but waited until after you did that to send a long email about why she disagreed. Seems odd of her to let you invite people when she still wanted to host, but maybe she's an odd person.  Did your other invited guests know that your MIL was not on board with this change when the accepted your invitation? Not including your BIL/SIL who are clearly on your side.  Did aunt/uncle know?[/quote]

OP here. She didn’t seem unwilling to change or give any reasons why she couldn’t during the call. She knew we were inviting others. She was on the email. THEN she objected. No one “knew MIL wasn’t on board” because she got off board after invites she knew would be issued were issued.[/quote]

Maybe she didn't think you would be making thanksgiving invitations IN APRIL because that's patently absurd.  She may have had more to say but didn't think you were going to be so aggressive about it.  [/quote]

I'm one of OP's skeptics, but this argument doesn't make sense.  If MIL agreed, why would it make a difference if OP invited people in April or October?  So what?  [/quote][/quote]

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