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[quote=Anonymous]I don't have much advice for your friend, but I wanted to address this idea that gaining any weight after marriage just means you're lazy and have given up / let go and it's a marriage-killer.

I met DH when I was 22 years old, 5'8" and 120lbs.  Not anorexic, but slender by any standard. I was active, loved hiking and skiing and stuff, but didn't spend hours at the gym and definitely enjoyed my share of junk food.  I was just lucky to have a high metabolism. DH found me physically attractive, but also liked that I was (in his words) "not high maintenance".  Meaning, I could get ready for the day in 10 minutes, didn't obsess over hours of exercise, and was happy to join him for a trip to the ice cream parlor on a hot Saturday afternoon.

Fast forward almost 20 years, and my metabolism has significantly changed. I've cut way back on sweets and carbs, but not eliminated them entirely. I've added a gym workout twice a week. Even so, I'm up to 145 lbs - a gain of 25 lbs since we met.  I'm still a healthy BMI, look decent in a bikini, and enjoy all of the physical activities that I've always done (and even added some).  But to really maintain 120 lbs, I'd need a drastic change in diet and lifestyle.  I think those changes would bother DH more than the 25 lbs does. Thankfully, he is supportive off whatever balance I choose to strike.  But he liked my personality and lifestyle when I was 22, and wouldn't want me to have to completely change those in order to maintain some arbitrary number on the scale. [/quote]

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