Reply to Ex-Wife Won't Stop Coming Into the House

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Since everyone is dispensing this great advice about keeping the ex out, let's take it to the next step.

How would you advise OP deal with the aftermath in the worst case?  Suppose the 18YO says "I do not appreciate my mother being treated like this - I want to stay over there from now on!"  Suppose the kids defy you and say "you are not even here when she comes.  You said this is our home too and we are going to let her in if you are not here!"  Suppose the situation really goes left and her DH says "I knew this was a bad idea - shoulda never let you talk me into it.  Now my kids don't want to stay here."

See...we have 50 people telling her to limit or deny acces to the ex.  That's the easy advice.  What I do not see is anyone advising her how to handle any potential fallout.  Before I took the step that many of you are advising, I would want imout on how to deal with what may come next.  That will be the most challenging part of this. [/quote]

Stepmom here.   I think you are giving really, really great advice here.  This is definitely something to talk through with her ex, and take it through steps beyond the initial step of attempting to keep her out.

However, are you suggesting that if the teenage children threaten to go back to their mom's over this, that the OP and her DH should give in?  (I believe you are simply suggesting to consider the potential fallout, but I'm wondering what you would do.)  I ask because my DH has been caught in this very trap, time and time again, with his adult child, who either moves back to her mom or threatens to when things don't go exactly her way.  She does the same to her mom and then comes back to us.  Of course, the solution should be that the parents come together and put a stop to the manipulation and playing each other against each other for better "terms", but unfortunately divorced parents don't always co-parent effectively, and it sounds like this ex is not at all reasonable when it comes to not getting exactly what she wants.  So should this dad be manipulated into letting his teenagers have whatever they want under the threat of going back to their mom's if they don't get their way?[/quote]

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