Reply to not so subtle weight comments from DH ruining my vacation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Attention all self-accepting fatties: if you were overweight when dating, then obviously your spouse is also "accepting" and has no reason (or right) to complain later.

But... and this is pretty important for you to understand ... if you've gained a bunch of weight during the marriage, just because YOU accept this, does not mean your SPOUSE accepts this (or that you can ever make him/her accept this).

Many of us are just NOT attracted to overweight partners, so this is not a sustainable marriage. So the choice is yours: lose the weight to save the marriage, or "self-accept" into a divorce so each can find a more compatible partner.

Neither view is right, neither is wrong, just different.[/quote]

So if you aren't exactly the same in physical appearance and temperament as you were when you are dating, you should get a divorce? Wow.  Here's the thing - when you marry someone, you are committing to marry everyone who that person will be, not just who he or she is today.  That is why marriage is such a commitment.  If you truly would not love your partner if she or he gained 30 lbs you should not get married.  You are not emotionally ready for that kind of commitment.

And not that it matters but I am in far better shape than I was when I got married 7 years ago despite having had two kids in the interim.  Miraculously, no one shamed me into being fit.  [/quote]

Not the PP to whom you responded but .......... how come this magnanimous and generous attitude is never seen when women complain about how their husbands have changed and that they are nothing like the guy who they used to date? I guess "committing to marry everyone who that person will be, not just who he or she is today" goes out the window when that happens.

FWIW, I actually agree with you but like so many things on this forum the sensitivity and empathy generally comes to the fore only when it is a woman who is adversely affected. Divorce is frequently advocated by women against an errant husband and when I have argued that marriage vows are for better or for worse, it is an argument that gets short shrift.[/quote]

pp you are responding to. I agree with you as well. I don't rncourage divorce at the drop of a hat either, but you don't know that since I am posting anonymously. [/quote]

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