Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attention all self-accepting fatties: if you were overweight when dating, then obviously your spouse is also "accepting" and has no reason (or right) to complain later.

But... and this is pretty important for you to understand ... if you've gained a bunch of weight during the marriage, just because YOU accept this, does not mean your SPOUSE accepts this (or that you can ever make him/her accept this).

Many of us are just NOT attracted to overweight partners, so this is not a sustainable marriage. So the choice is yours: lose the weight to save the marriage, or "self-accept" into a divorce so each can find a more compatible partner.

Neither view is right, neither is wrong, just different.

So if you aren't exactly the same in physical appearance and temperament as you were when you are dating, you should get a divorce? Wow. Here's the thing - when you marry someone, you are committing to marry everyone who that person will be, not just who he or she is today. That is why marriage is such a commitment. If you truly would not love your partner if she or he gained 30 lbs you should not get married. You are not emotionally ready for that kind of commitment.

And not that it matters but I am in far better shape than I was when I got married 7 years ago despite having had two kids in the interim. Miraculously, no one shamed me into being fit.

Not the PP to whom you responded but .......... how come this magnanimous and generous attitude is never seen when women complain about how their husbands have changed and that they are nothing like the guy who they used to date? I guess "committing to marry everyone who that person will be, not just who he or she is today" goes out the window when that happens.

FWIW, I actually agree with you but like so many things on this forum the sensitivity and empathy generally comes to the fore only when it is a woman who is adversely affected. Divorce is frequently advocated by women against an errant husband and when I have argued that marriage vows are for better or for worse, it is an argument that gets short shrift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attention all self-accepting fatties: if you were overweight when dating, then obviously your spouse is also "accepting" and has no reason (or right) to complain later.

But... and this is pretty important for you to understand ... if you've gained a bunch of weight during the marriage, just because YOU accept this, does not mean your SPOUSE accepts this (or that you can ever make him/her accept this).

Many of us are just NOT attracted to overweight partners, so this is not a sustainable marriage. So the choice is yours: lose the weight to save the marriage, or "self-accept" into a divorce so each can find a more compatible partner.

Neither view is right, neither is wrong, just different.

No matter what your beliefs on any of this is, you've no right to call anyone a "fattie". What a mean, first grade name to call someone. If I caught my teenager saying that, I'd ground her for a month. We are all humans with feelings, try acting like an adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attention all self-accepting fatties: if you were overweight when dating, then obviously your spouse is also "accepting" and has no reason (or right) to complain later.

But... and this is pretty important for you to understand ... if you've gained a bunch of weight during the marriage, just because YOU accept this, does not mean your SPOUSE accepts this (or that you can ever make him/her accept this).

Many of us are just NOT attracted to overweight partners, so this is not a sustainable marriage. So the choice is yours: lose the weight to save the marriage, or "self-accept" into a divorce so each can find a more compatible partner.

Neither view is right, neither is wrong, just different.

No matter what your beliefs on any of this is, you've no right to call anyone a "fattie". What a mean, first grade name to call someone. If I caught my teenager saying that, I'd ground her for a month. We are all humans with feelings, try acting like an adult.

Anonymous wrote:Attention all self-accepting fatties: if you were overweight when dating, then obviously your spouse is also "accepting" and has no reason (or right) to complain later.

But... and this is pretty important for you to understand ... if you've gained a bunch of weight during the marriage, just because YOU accept this, does not mean your SPOUSE accepts this (or that you can ever make him/her accept this).

Many of us are just NOT attracted to overweight partners, so this is not a sustainable marriage. So the choice is yours: lose the weight to save the marriage, or "self-accept" into a divorce so each can find a more compatible partner.

Neither view is right, neither is wrong, just different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attention all self-accepting fatties: if you were overweight when dating, then obviously your spouse is also "accepting" and has no reason (or right) to complain later.

But... and this is pretty important for you to understand ... if you've gained a bunch of weight during the marriage, just because YOU accept this, does not mean your SPOUSE accepts this (or that you can ever make him/her accept this).

Many of us are just NOT attracted to overweight partners, so this is not a sustainable marriage. So the choice is yours: lose the weight to save the marriage, or "self-accept" into a divorce so each can find a more compatible partner.

Neither view is right, neither is wrong, just different.

So if you aren't exactly the same in physical appearance and temperament as you were when you are dating, you should get a divorce? Wow. Here's the thing - when you marry someone, you are committing to marry everyone who that person will be, not just who he or she is today. That is why marriage is such a commitment. If you truly would not love your partner if she or he gained 30 lbs you should not get married. You are not emotionally ready for that kind of commitment.

And not that it matters but I am in far better shape than I was when I got married 7 years ago despite having had two kids in the interim. Miraculously, no one shamed me into being fit.

Anonymous wrote:Attention all self-accepting fatties: if you were overweight when dating, then obviously your spouse is also "accepting" and has no reason (or right) to complain later.

But... and this is pretty important for you to understand ... if you've gained a bunch of weight during the marriage, just because YOU accept this, does not mean your SPOUSE accepts this (or that you can ever make him/her accept this).

Many of us are just NOT attracted to overweight partners, so this is not a sustainable marriage. So the choice is yours: lose the weight to save the marriage, or "self-accept" into a divorce so each can find a more compatible partner.

Neither view is right, neither is wrong, just different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two aspects to this topic: first what the OP raised in terms of how her husband makes snide comments about her weight. The second is the misinformation by those who seek to rationalize their obesity and being fat.

The thrust of what these people are saying is that people who are overweight are helpless and almost destined to that condition. This is total nonsense unless you have a medical condition which few people do that prevents weight loss. But for the vast majority of people it is plain and simple overeating and you can argue this till kingdom come but it does not change that reality. People don't need to gorge themselves on thousands of calories of food to feel satiated or to function effectively. Neither does one need to starve. The problem is that people equate not eating until their buttons pop as being some sort of deprivation.

Keeping my weight under control is not easy for me: I have to watch what I eat, limit what I eat and exercise but I don't deprive myself of a single type of food. I don't follow any fad diets because I cannot sustain them. I just eat less - and, guess what, I am not hungry at the end of it. But it took me a while to reach this point. I used to consume most of a medium pizza laden with cheese and meat and at the end of it felt full. I just finished my lunch and all I had was a single slice of a medium pizza ....... and I am not hungry. I am not presenting myself as any kind of a model other than to say it can be done. I have lost the best part of 60 pounds from my peak. I am not thin but I am not fat either by any stretch. I don't strive to lose more weight - if it happens that is fine.

We hear this constant strain about being content with your body even if you are fat. Seriously, few people really are happy with it even if they claim they are. It does not mean one needs to be a size 4 to achieve nirvana but being a size 14 is not it either. You can do something about it for your own self-esteem, your health, your outlook on life, your social acceptance, etc. Or you can pretend that it does not matter and you are fine being obese. Most people are not fine with it and the very protestations on this thread by those who offer rationalizations about being fat are evidence of it.

Where I do agree with one of the PPs' is that part of the problem is that once you become fat and then lose the weight, it becomes a real struggle not to rebound to where you were or even greater. But it can be done and despite all the naysayers, there are too many success stories that confirm this.

This is not a new phenomenon. It has basically occurred over several decades and is affecting not only the US - where it is obviously a serious problem - but also other countries including developing nations.

http://www.livescience.com/35448-global-obesity-nearly-doubles-in-30-years-study-finds.html

I am fat. I do not rationalize it. I became fat in my 20's while eating for comfort and taking an SSRI. I gained 80 pounds in 2 years. Since then, I have gotten halfway decent therapy, discontinued using antidepressants, given up sugar, and taken up exercise. My diet is balanced and healthful, with very occasional treats (dessert once a week or so). I have not gained a pound in 20 years except for 20 pounds during pregnancy, after which I very quickly lost 30 pounds and then gained back 10 during nursing, bringing me back to the exact weight I have held for 20 years.

I have never in my life had a button pop, nor have I eaten until I felt overfull. I do not gorge myself. I exercise regularly and eat substantially less food and more healthful food than my husband, who exercises less and eats much more.

I am a scientist and have read countless studies on weight loss. There isn't a SINGLE large-scale peer reviewed study of weight loss programs, not one, that shows the majority of dieters keeping substantial amounts of weight off after 5 years. Not a single one. Not only do a majority not keep the weight off, but the numbers are closer to 95% who regain the weight.

Idiots like you who treat fat people like cartoon characters believe that this is because fat people are uncontrollably gorging themselves on Twinkies. That's simply not the case, and science backs it up. As the news report a few posts above attests, large scale studies of studies are very, very clear that long term weight loss is simply not attainable for most people without drastic bariatric surgery (which has many risks and associated negative health consequences). That is not "rationalizing" or defending or in any way "excusing" being fat. I don't need an excuse to exist in the world at my current size without apology. If I had a time machine, I would have adopted different coping mechanisms from abuse and trauma and would have sought therapy early in my 20's and avoided antidepressants entirely. I might have prevented some or most of my weight gain. But now that I am fat, I am going to be as healthy as I can be without using my weight on the scale as a barometer of that health, because that weight is unlikely to substantially go down regardless of my very healthy behaviors now.

Go ahead and have all the kudos in the world for being who you are and having the body that you have and behaving the way you do. But you know VERY little about weight loss science beyond your own anecdotes (and "success stories" are typically newsworthy and memorable because they are so rare, not because they are typical). Remember the little disclaimer at the bottom of almost every weight loss product and commercial? *Results not typical. That is backed up by the vast majority of peer-reviewed research on the topic.

Simple question Ms Scientist: Why is obesity an almost world wide epidemic that shows no signs of abating? What changed in the last 50 plus years?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two aspects to this topic: first what the OP raised in terms of how her husband makes snide comments about her weight. The second is the misinformation by those who seek to rationalize their obesity and being fat.

The thrust of what these people are saying is that people who are overweight are helpless and almost destined to that condition. This is total nonsense unless you have a medical condition which few people do that prevents weight loss. But for the vast majority of people it is plain and simple overeating and you can argue this till kingdom come but it does not change that reality. People don't need to gorge themselves on thousands of calories of food to feel satiated or to function effectively. Neither does one need to starve. The problem is that people equate not eating until their buttons pop as being some sort of deprivation.

Keeping my weight under control is not easy for me: I have to watch what I eat, limit what I eat and exercise but I don't deprive myself of a single type of food. I don't follow any fad diets because I cannot sustain them. I just eat less - and, guess what, I am not hungry at the end of it. But it took me a while to reach this point. I used to consume most of a medium pizza laden with cheese and meat and at the end of it felt full. I just finished my lunch and all I had was a single slice of a medium pizza ....... and I am not hungry. I am not presenting myself as any kind of a model other than to say it can be done. I have lost the best part of 60 pounds from my peak. I am not thin but I am not fat either by any stretch. I don't strive to lose more weight - if it happens that is fine.

We hear this constant strain about being content with your body even if you are fat. Seriously, few people really are happy with it even if they claim they are. It does not mean one needs to be a size 4 to achieve nirvana but being a size 14 is not it either. You can do something about it for your own self-esteem, your health, your outlook on life, your social acceptance, etc. Or you can pretend that it does not matter and you are fine being obese. Most people are not fine with it and the very protestations on this thread by those who offer rationalizations about being fat are evidence of it.

Where I do agree with one of the PPs' is that part of the problem is that once you become fat and then lose the weight, it becomes a real struggle not to rebound to where you were or even greater. But it can be done and despite all the naysayers, there are too many success stories that confirm this.

This is not a new phenomenon. It has basically occurred over several decades and is affecting not only the US - where it is obviously a serious problem - but also other countries including developing nations.

http://www.livescience.com/35448-global-obesity-nearly-doubles-in-30-years-study-finds.html

I am fat. I do not rationalize it. I became fat in my 20's while eating for comfort and taking an SSRI. I gained 80 pounds in 2 years. Since then, I have gotten halfway decent therapy, discontinued using antidepressants, given up sugar, and taken up exercise. My diet is balanced and healthful, with very occasional treats (dessert once a week or so). I have not gained a pound in 20 years except for 20 pounds during pregnancy, after which I very quickly lost 30 pounds and then gained back 10 during nursing, bringing me back to the exact weight I have held for 20 years.

I have never in my life had a button pop, nor have I eaten until I felt overfull. I do not gorge myself. I exercise regularly and eat substantially less food and more healthful food than my husband, who exercises less and eats much more.

I am a scientist and have read countless studies on weight loss. There isn't a SINGLE large-scale peer reviewed study of weight loss programs, not one, that shows the majority of dieters keeping substantial amounts of weight off after 5 years. Not a single one. Not only do a majority not keep the weight off, but the numbers are closer to 95% who regain the weight.

Idiots like you who treat fat people like cartoon characters believe that this is because fat people are uncontrollably gorging themselves on Twinkies. That's simply not the case, and science backs it up. As the news report a few posts above attests, large scale studies of studies are very, very clear that long term weight loss is simply not attainable for most people without drastic bariatric surgery (which has many risks and associated negative health consequences). That is not "rationalizing" or defending or in any way "excusing" being fat. I don't need an excuse to exist in the world at my current size without apology. If I had a time machine, I would have adopted different coping mechanisms from abuse and trauma and would have sought therapy early in my 20's and avoided antidepressants entirely. I might have prevented some or most of my weight gain. But now that I am fat, I am going to be as healthy as I can be without using my weight on the scale as a barometer of that health, because that weight is unlikely to substantially go down regardless of my very healthy behaviors now.

Go ahead and have all the kudos in the world for being who you are and having the body that you have and behaving the way you do. But you know VERY little about weight loss science beyond your own anecdotes (and "success stories" are typically newsworthy and memorable because they are so rare, not because they are typical). Remember the little disclaimer at the bottom of almost every weight loss product and commercial? *Results not typical. That is backed up by the vast majority of peer-reviewed research on the topic.

Simple question Ms Scientist: Why is obesity an almost world wide epidemic that shows no signs of abating? What changed in the last 50 plus years?

Anonymous wrote:
We hear this constant strain about being content with your body even if you are fat. Seriously, few people really are happy with it even if they claim they are. It does not mean one needs to be a size 4 to achieve nirvana but being a size 14 is not it either. You can do something about it for your own self-esteem, your health, your outlook on life, your social acceptance, etc. Or you can pretend that it does not matter and you are fine being obese. Most people are not fine with it and the very protestations on this thread by those who offer rationalizations about being fat are evidence of it.

http://www.livescience.com/35448-global-obesity-nearly-doubles-in-30-years-study-finds.html

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two aspects to this topic: first what the OP raised in terms of how her husband makes snide comments about her weight. The second is the misinformation by those who seek to rationalize their obesity and being fat.

The thrust of what these people are saying is that people who are overweight are helpless and almost destined to that condition. This is total nonsense unless you have a medical condition which few people do that prevents weight loss. But for the vast majority of people it is plain and simple overeating and you can argue this till kingdom come but it does not change that reality. People don't need to gorge themselves on thousands of calories of food to feel satiated or to function effectively. Neither does one need to starve. The problem is that people equate not eating until their buttons pop as being some sort of deprivation.

Keeping my weight under control is not easy for me: I have to watch what I eat, limit what I eat and exercise but I don't deprive myself of a single type of food. I don't follow any fad diets because I cannot sustain them. I just eat less - and, guess what, I am not hungry at the end of it. But it took me a while to reach this point. I used to consume most of a medium pizza laden with cheese and meat and at the end of it felt full. I just finished my lunch and all I had was a single slice of a medium pizza ....... and I am not hungry. I am not presenting myself as any kind of a model other than to say it can be done. I have lost the best part of 60 pounds from my peak. I am not thin but I am not fat either by any stretch. I don't strive to lose more weight - if it happens that is fine.

We hear this constant strain about being content with your body even if you are fat. Seriously, few people really are happy with it even if they claim they are. It does not mean one needs to be a size 4 to achieve nirvana but being a size 14 is not it either. You can do something about it for your own self-esteem, your health, your outlook on life, your social acceptance, etc. Or you can pretend that it does not matter and you are fine being obese. Most people are not fine with it and the very protestations on this thread by those who offer rationalizations about being fat are evidence of it.

Where I do agree with one of the PPs' is that part of the problem is that once you become fat and then lose the weight, it becomes a real struggle not to rebound to where you were or even greater. But it can be done and despite all the naysayers, there are too many success stories that confirm this.

This is not a new phenomenon. It has basically occurred over several decades and is affecting not only the US - where it is obviously a serious problem - but also other countries including developing nations.

http://www.livescience.com/35448-global-obesity-nearly-doubles-in-30-years-study-finds.html

I am fat. I do not rationalize it. I became fat in my 20's while eating for comfort and taking an SSRI. I gained 80 pounds in 2 years. Since then, I have gotten halfway decent therapy, discontinued using antidepressants, given up sugar, and taken up exercise. My diet is balanced and healthful, with very occasional treats (dessert once a week or so). I have not gained a pound in 20 years except for 20 pounds during pregnancy, after which I very quickly lost 30 pounds and then gained back 10 during nursing, bringing me back to the exact weight I have held for 20 years.

I have never in my life had a button pop, nor have I eaten until I felt overfull. I do not gorge myself. I exercise regularly and eat substantially less food and more healthful food than my husband, who exercises less and eats much more.

I am a scientist and have read countless studies on weight loss. There isn't a SINGLE large-scale peer reviewed study of weight loss programs, not one, that shows the majority of dieters keeping substantial amounts of weight off after 5 years. Not a single one. Not only do a majority not keep the weight off, but the numbers are closer to 95% who regain the weight.

Idiots like you who treat fat people like cartoon characters believe that this is because fat people are uncontrollably gorging themselves on Twinkies. That's simply not the case, and science backs it up. As the news report a few posts above attests, large scale studies of studies are very, very clear that long term weight loss is simply not attainable for most people without drastic bariatric surgery (which has many risks and associated negative health consequences). That is not "rationalizing" or defending or in any way "excusing" being fat. I don't need an excuse to exist in the world at my current size without apology. If I had a time machine, I would have adopted different coping mechanisms from abuse and trauma and would have sought therapy early in my 20's and avoided antidepressants entirely. I might have prevented some or most of my weight gain. But now that I am fat, I am going to be as healthy as I can be without using my weight on the scale as a barometer of that health, because that weight is unlikely to substantially go down regardless of my very healthy behaviors now.

Go ahead and have all the kudos in the world for being who you are and having the body that you have and behaving the way you do. But you know VERY little about weight loss science beyond your own anecdotes (and "success stories" are typically newsworthy and memorable because they are so rare, not because they are typical). Remember the little disclaimer at the bottom of almost every weight loss product and commercial? *Results not typical. That is backed up by the vast majority of peer-reviewed research on the topic.