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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The old saying "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

If you really insist on going, pack up your own cooler of food, go to there house and eat.  If they ask why you did that just say "because as you pointed out, there is nothing left here for us to eat"  And continue eating.[/quote]

OP here.  Do you know how many times per week I must say this, at least to myself, if not to my husband?  He has some traits of his moms that are definitely insane (not using it by slang, using it literally).  Enough that I am concerned for him; not for his safety, but definitely for his well being.  Now it is affecting us.  This "holiday tradition" is a perfect example. He is agreeing to say something to her.  Please, hope it works.

I also like the idea of putting our coats on and going out for food if there is none left.  THIS is the type of thing she needs.  If she isn't publicly embarrassed, and is able to turn it on us, she feels she has won.  This is how she operates.  She is extremely underhanded and sneaky, and extremely concerned with appearances.  More than I can emphasize.  Thank you so much for the productive suggestions!  I am finally starting to look forward to Christmas again, after all these years.  
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It would probably be a happier Christmas for all of you if you just spent the day with your own husband and children in your own home.

In your last post, it sounds as though you would be okay with publicly embarrassing her on Christmas Day in her own home. That's not really what Christmas is about. You would feel bad about it afterward, and[b] what would your children think of their mother humiliating their grandmother? [/b]Would that be a good scene for them to remember when they are adults?

It sounds like you have wonderful memories of your own Christmases with your family of origin. Why not try to recreate the good things your family did to make Christmas a happy time for you as a child? Then your own children could grow up to have the kinds of lovely memories that you have.
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They would learn that it's ok to stand up for oneself, even to one's relations. Even to one's elders. They'll learn it's ok not to be doormats. It's a very valuable lesson, the earlier learnt, the better.[/quote]

I think that there is a difference between standing up for oneself and humiliating another person. My mother always stood up for herself with my grandmother in a kind and respectful way. I am glad that I do not have memories of my mother publicly embarrassing my grandmother to teach her a lesson.  It would have taught me to be uncaring of the feelings of others and could have had a bad effect on my own future interactions with friends and family members.
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I am the poster you're quoting. I'm fed up to my back teeth with all the abuser coddling that goes on in the world. I'll take the abused person's side, thanks.[/quote]

Interesting. I had not seen any mention of abuse on this thread. It sounds like the MIL has poor planning skills in terms of hosting a family holiday meal. Is this the abuse being referred to?
Not every disagreement between two people involves abuse. People can be difficult to get along with without being abusers. The situation described here sounds like one that involves a lot of bad communication and lack of understanding on both sides. Publicly embarrassing someone will not improve the situation, but instead can make it worse.
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