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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.[/quote]

Yikes.  WHY? [/quote]

We’re religious.[/quote]

You can still practice religion with fewer kids.  [/quote]

Yes, but we can afford having a lot of kids so why not.[/quote]

Both of my parents are among the youngest kids in huge Catholic families (7+ kids). They both experienced a ton of parental neglect that came home to roost when they became parents. Older siblings are not good substitutes for actual parents, as they are children themselves. They often reinforce childish beliefs and fears, can be emotionally abusive because they aren't mature enough to be parenting, etc. My parents would have been much better off with real love and guidance from their actual parents, but they barely knew them. Yes they have some find memories of very full houses, big and boisterous family dinners, and have some great and close relationships with siblings. But the were not sufficiently *parented*. Kids from smaller families, IMO, tend to be more emotionally mature and developed, have a better sense of themselves and their role, have deeper and more reliable self confidence. Kids from very large families seem needy, because they are needy --they needed things growing up that they simply never got.[/quote]

I also come from a big family (13 children) and didn’t experience any neglect. Our kids do get 1-1 time and our older kids don’t help parent at all.[/quote]

Extra large families are super fascinating to me.. what was that like growing up? What’s the dynamic like now that you’re all adults?[/quote]

Parents have 9 daughters and 4 sons. We were well off and lived in a house that ran on structure: set routines, and a lot of systems just to keep things functioning. We all went to private school, college was paid for, and had set extracurriculars. No one was left behind and we were all able to do what we were passionate about. We did have household help. Routines were apart of everything — school, activities, etc. We always knew what to expect, and it wasn’t the chaos that usually comes with so many kids. What really stands out looking back are Sundays and holidays. Those are  our favorite memories. Sundays included  — everyone home, long dinners,  it was always the same, and this is something we do with our kids now.

We always had set family time (our parents wanted us have close bonds) and that’s a big reason why we’re still super close as busy adults. Holidays were always special. That carried into adulthood, we’re all close as siblings thanks to our parents, our kids love their cousins and every year all of us — siblings, spouses, and kids still make sure to go on vacation together. My parents now have 47 grandchildren whom they adore and sometimes say they love more than us..I don’t have anything bad to say about it.
[/quote]

Curious how old you were and where you grew up and how on earth your parents paid for all of this.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s as one of two kids and had two working parents with white collar jobs and we still were barely making it by in order for them to save for college for us and we didn’t have any hired help ever. I can’t imagine having a 3rd sibling given the sacrifices we were already making, let alone 10 more. Private school and college for everyone, too?! Wow. [/quote]

I’m in my mid-30s and we grew up here in the DC area. Both of my parents are originally from old, established families in the Northeast with significant generational wealth. There were family businesses and trusts that made it all possible. It’s not a typical situation.[/quote]

Damn, certainly not. I think most of us could handle more kids if we had generational wealth and family businesses to ease the pressure of finances, employment, and savings.

You inadvertently raise a good point, which is that so many of the challenges of multiple kids could easily be alleviates if some of the external stressors were eliminated. Yes, some kids are just hard and would be even if someone was filthy rich. But for the most part people who struggle with the kids they have do so because it is hard to balance full time employment, housing, savings, retirement planning, and college savings while also raising a child to be an independent adult. Add occasional job loss or older parents needing help or an inability to move to a larger house or afford a better school district, and it’s a miracle anyone ever has more than 1 kid. [/quote]

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