Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP might be rage bait but I have wondered this.

I only have two kids but haven’t felt overwhelmed. I have two neighbors, one a SAHM, with only children and they constantly talk about how busy and stressed they are. I think you see life through your own lens and certain outlooks encourage those feelings of stress and overwhelm.

Or, perhaps, people are actually different and are living entirely different lives than you! I know, it sounds crazy!

Did you know that some women experience more pain, more bleeding, longer cycles, etc. during their periods than other women?! I’m sure some of you who are blessed with regular cycles, average flow, and mild cramps that last last half a day assume your sisters are drama llamas or just not as tough or looking at life through the wrong lens when they experience debilitating symptoms approximately once a month…

So, these ladies have a hard time with the basics of life because of their periods? That’s a lot of projecting but okay. Perhaps.

New Poster here/ not the one you are responding to. But maybe my perspective can help. What PP said about periods resonated with me. I am like OP, deep down I don’t always undertand how some of my friends get so overwhelmed with 2 kids (that from the outside I don’t see as particularly difficult or special needs) .But I also had a very belated aha moment that I would be ashamed to admit in real life : I finally understood the craziness and pain of periods and hormone fluctuations at 45 years old… and this helped me understand a lot of the pain frazzledness, mom rage, exhaustion, emotional drain and angst, you name it, all the stuff I didn’t understand before.

Not because the periods explained everything else but just because I discovered how my body could create an alternate experience and reality that I objectively didn’t expect. And it made me question everything else.

I am still very emotionally detached or very level headed - I am using those words for lack of better words but there is no judgment or feeling that I am better than my friends - but with peri menopause I discovered a new experience. Including (but not only) directly linked to my periods, with headaches, exhaustion, pain, emotional distress, feeling overwhelmed etc.. all of this coming right before my period. I have found it fascinating. And taught me a humbling lesson on how imperfect emu self control was.

And to be clear : not relegating any feminist ideal here. I don’t think men are less influenced by their hormones. Testosterone clearly often ends up in the driver seat

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP might be rage bait but I have wondered this.

I only have two kids but haven’t felt overwhelmed. I have two neighbors, one a SAHM, with only children and they constantly talk about how busy and stressed they are. I think you see life through your own lens and certain outlooks encourage those feelings of stress and overwhelm.

Or, perhaps, people are actually different and are living entirely different lives than you! I know, it sounds crazy!

Did you know that some women experience more pain, more bleeding, longer cycles, etc. during their periods than other women?! I’m sure some of you who are blessed with regular cycles, average flow, and mild cramps that last last half a day assume your sisters are drama llamas or just not as tough or looking at life through the wrong lens when they experience debilitating symptoms approximately once a month…

So, these ladies have a hard time with the basics of life because of their periods? That’s a lot of projecting but okay. Perhaps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP might be rage bait but I have wondered this.

I only have two kids but haven’t felt overwhelmed. I have two neighbors, one a SAHM, with only children and they constantly talk about how busy and stressed they are. I think you see life through your own lens and certain outlooks encourage those feelings of stress and overwhelm.

Or, perhaps, people are actually different and are living entirely different lives than you! I know, it sounds crazy!

Did you know that some women experience more pain, more bleeding, longer cycles, etc. during their periods than other women?! I’m sure some of you who are blessed with regular cycles, average flow, and mild cramps that last last half a day assume your sisters are drama llamas or just not as tough or looking at life through the wrong lens when they experience debilitating symptoms approximately once a month…

So, these ladies have a hard time with the basics of life because of their periods? That’s a lot of projecting but okay. Perhaps.

New Poster here/ not the one you are responding to. But maybe my perspective can help. What PP said about periods resonated with me. I am like OP, deep down I don’t always undertand how some of my friends get so overwhelmed with 2 kids (that from the outside I don’t see as particularly difficult or special needs). But I also had a very belated aha moment that I would be ashamed to admit in real life : I finally understood the craziness and pain of periods and hormone fluctuations at 45 years old… and this helped me understand a lot of the pain frazzledness, mom rage, exhaustion, emotional drain and angst, you name it, all the stuff I didn’t understand before.

Not because the periods explained everything else but just because I discovered how my body could create an alternate experience and reality that I objectively didn’t expect. And it made me question everything else.

I am still very emotionally detached or very level headed - I am using those words for lack of better words but there is no judgment or feeling that I am better than my friends - but with peri menopause I discovered a new experience. Including (but not only) directly linked to my periods, with headaches, exhaustion, pain, emotional distress, feeling overwhelmed etc.. all of this coming right before my period. I have found it fascinating. And taught me a humbling lesson on how imperfect emu self control was.

And to be clear : not relegating any feminist ideal here. I don’t think men are less influenced by their hormones. Testosterone clearly often ends up in the driver seat

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP might be rage bait but I have wondered this.

I only have two kids but haven’t felt overwhelmed. I have two neighbors, one a SAHM, with only children and they constantly talk about how busy and stressed they are. I think you see life through your own lens and certain outlooks encourage those feelings of stress and overwhelm.

Or, perhaps, people are actually different and are living entirely different lives than you! I know, it sounds crazy!

Did you know that some women experience more pain, more bleeding, longer cycles, etc. during their periods than other women?! I’m sure some of you who are blessed with regular cycles, average flow, and mild cramps that last last half a day assume your sisters are drama llamas or just not as tough or looking at life through the wrong lens when they experience debilitating symptoms approximately once a month…

So, these ladies have a hard time with the basics of life because of their periods? That’s a lot of projecting but okay. Perhaps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP might be rage bait but I have wondered this.

I only have two kids but haven’t felt overwhelmed. I have two neighbors, one a SAHM, with only children and they constantly talk about how busy and stressed they are. I think you see life through your own lens and certain outlooks encourage those feelings of stress and overwhelm.

Or, perhaps, people are actually different and are living entirely different lives than you! I know, it sounds crazy!

Did you know that some women experience more pain, more bleeding, longer cycles, etc. during their periods than other women?! I’m sure some of you who are blessed with regular cycles, average flow, and mild cramps that last last half a day assume your sisters are drama llamas or just not as tough or looking at life through the wrong lens when they experience debilitating symptoms approximately once a month…

Anonymous wrote:OP might be rage bait but I have wondered this.

I only have two kids but haven’t felt overwhelmed. I have two neighbors, one a SAHM, with only children and they constantly talk about how busy and stressed they are. I think you see life through your own lens and certain outlooks encourage those feelings of stress and overwhelm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

We’re religious.

You can still practice religion with fewer kids.

Yes, but we can afford having a lot of kids so why not.

Both of my parents are among the youngest kids in huge Catholic families (7+ kids). They both experienced a ton of parental neglect that came home to roost when they became parents. Older siblings are not good substitutes for actual parents, as they are children themselves. They often reinforce childish beliefs and fears, can be emotionally abusive because they aren't mature enough to be parenting, etc. My parents would have been much better off with real love and guidance from their actual parents, but they barely knew them. Yes they have some find memories of very full houses, big and boisterous family dinners, and have some great and close relationships with siblings. But the were not sufficiently *parented*. Kids from smaller families, IMO, tend to be more emotionally mature and developed, have a better sense of themselves and their role, have deeper and more reliable self confidence. Kids from very large families seem needy, because they are needy --they needed things growing up that they simply never got.

I also come from a big family (13 children) and didn’t experience any neglect. Our kids do get 1-1 time and our older kids don’t help parent at all.

Extra large families are super fascinating to me.. what was that like growing up? What’s the dynamic like now that you’re all adults?

Parents have 9 daughters and 4 sons. We were well off and lived in a house that ran on structure: set routines, and a lot of systems just to keep things functioning. We all went to private school, college was paid for, and had set extracurriculars. No one was left behind and we were all able to do what we were passionate about. We did have household help. Routines were apart of everything — school, activities, etc. We always knew what to expect, and it wasn’t the chaos that usually comes with so many kids. What really stands out looking back are Sundays and holidays. Those are our favorite memories. Sundays included — everyone home, long dinners, it was always the same, and this is something we do with our kids now.

We always had set family time (our parents wanted us have close bonds) and that’s a big reason why we’re still super close as busy adults. Holidays were always special. That carried into adulthood, we’re all close as siblings thanks to our parents, our kids love their cousins and every year all of us — siblings, spouses, and kids still make sure to go on vacation together. My parents now have 47 grandchildren whom they adore and sometimes say they love more than us..I don’t have anything bad to say about it.

Curious how old you were and where you grew up and how on earth your parents paid for all of this.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s as one of two kids and had two working parents with white collar jobs and we still were barely making it by in order for them to save for college for us and we didn’t have any hired help ever. I can’t imagine having a 3rd sibling given the sacrifices we were already making, let alone 10 more. Private school and college for everyone, too?! Wow.

I’m in my mid-30s and we grew up here in the DC area. Both of my parents are originally from old, established families in the Northeast with significant generational wealth. There were family businesses and trusts that made it all possible. It’s not a typical situation.

Damn, certainly not. I think most of us could handle more kids if we had generational wealth and family businesses to ease the pressure of finances, employment, and savings.

You inadvertently raise a good point, which is that so many of the challenges of multiple kids could easily be alleviates if some of the external stressors were eliminated. Yes, some kids are just hard and would be even if someone was filthy rich. But for the most part people who struggle with the kids they have do so because it is hard to balance full time employment, housing, savings, retirement planning, and college savings while also raising a child to be an independent adult. Add occasional job loss or older parents needing help or an inability to move to a larger house or afford a better school district, and it’s a miracle anyone ever has more than 1 kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

We’re religious.

You can still practice religion with fewer kids.

Yes, but we can afford having a lot of kids so why not.

Both of my parents are among the youngest kids in huge Catholic families (7+ kids). They both experienced a ton of parental neglect that came home to roost when they became parents. Older siblings are not good substitutes for actual parents, as they are children themselves. They often reinforce childish beliefs and fears, can be emotionally abusive because they aren't mature enough to be parenting, etc. My parents would have been much better off with real love and guidance from their actual parents, but they barely knew them. Yes they have some find memories of very full houses, big and boisterous family dinners, and have some great and close relationships with siblings. But the were not sufficiently *parented*. Kids from smaller families, IMO, tend to be more emotionally mature and developed, have a better sense of themselves and their role, have deeper and more reliable self confidence. Kids from very large families seem needy, because they are needy --they needed things growing up that they simply never got.

I also come from a big family (13 children) and didn’t experience any neglect. Our kids do get 1-1 time and our older kids don’t help parent at all.

Extra large families are super fascinating to me.. what was that like growing up? What’s the dynamic like now that you’re all adults?

Parents have 9 daughters and 4 sons. We were well off and lived in a house that ran on structure: set routines, and a lot of systems just to keep things functioning. We all went to private school, college was paid for, and had set extracurriculars. No one was left behind and we were all able to do what we were passionate about. We did have household help. Routines were apart of everything — school, activities, etc. We always knew what to expect, and it wasn’t the chaos that usually comes with so many kids. What really stands out looking back are Sundays and holidays. Those are our favorite memories. Sundays included — everyone home, long dinners, it was always the same, and this is something we do with our kids now.

We always had set family time (our parents wanted us have close bonds) and that’s a big reason why we’re still super close as busy adults. Holidays were always special. That carried into adulthood, we’re all close as siblings thanks to our parents, our kids love their cousins and every year all of us — siblings, spouses, and kids still make sure to go on vacation together. My parents now have 47 grandchildren whom they adore and sometimes say they love more than us..I don’t have anything bad to say about it.

Curious how old you were and where you grew up and how on earth your parents paid for all of this.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s as one of two kids and had two working parents with white collar jobs and we still were barely making it by in order for them to save for college for us and we didn’t have any hired help ever. I can’t imagine having a 3rd sibling given the sacrifices we were already making, let alone 10 more. Private school and college for everyone, too?! Wow.

I’m in my mid-30s and we grew up here in the DC area. Both of my parents are originally from old, established families in the Northeast with significant generational wealth. There were family businesses and trusts that made it all possible. It’s not a typical situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

We’re religious.

You can still practice religion with fewer kids.

Yes, but we can afford having a lot of kids so why not.

Both of my parents are among the youngest kids in huge Catholic families (7+ kids). They both experienced a ton of parental neglect that came home to roost when they became parents. Older siblings are not good substitutes for actual parents, as they are children themselves. They often reinforce childish beliefs and fears, can be emotionally abusive because they aren't mature enough to be parenting, etc. My parents would have been much better off with real love and guidance from their actual parents, but they barely knew them. Yes they have some find memories of very full houses, big and boisterous family dinners, and have some great and close relationships with siblings. But the were not sufficiently *parented*. Kids from smaller families, IMO, tend to be more emotionally mature and developed, have a better sense of themselves and their role, have deeper and more reliable self confidence. Kids from very large families seem needy, because they are needy --they needed things growing up that they simply never got.

I also come from a big family (13 children) and didn’t experience any neglect. Our kids do get 1-1 time and our older kids don’t help parent at all.

Extra large families are super fascinating to me.. what was that like growing up? What’s the dynamic like now that you’re all adults?

Parents have 9 daughters and 4 sons. We were well off and lived in a house that ran on structure: set routines, and a lot of systems just to keep things functioning. We all went to private school, college was paid for, and had set extracurriculars. No one was left behind and we were all able to do what we were passionate about. We did have household help. Routines were apart of everything — school, activities, etc. We always knew what to expect, and it wasn’t the chaos that usually comes with so many kids. What really stands out looking back are Sundays and holidays. Those are our favorite memories. Sundays included — everyone home, long dinners, it was always the same, and this is something we do with our kids now.

We always had set family time (our parents wanted us have close bonds) and that’s a big reason why we’re still super close as busy adults. Holidays were always special. That carried into adulthood, we’re all close as siblings thanks to our parents, our kids love their cousins and every year all of us — siblings, spouses, and kids still make sure to go on vacation together. My parents now have 47 grandchildren whom they adore and sometimes say they love more than us..I don’t have anything bad to say about it.

Curious how old you were and where you grew up and how on earth your parents paid for all of this.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s as one of two kids and had two working parents with white collar jobs and we still were barely making it by in order for them to save for college for us and we didn’t have any hired help ever. I can’t imagine having a 3rd sibling given the sacrifices we were already making, let alone 10 more. Private school and college for everyone, too?! Wow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

If you work full time, how are you doing "75% of things" with the kids when "DH is in the office."

Are you a troll, OP? I smell a troll...

Op - I am not a troll. When I am working kids are either in daycare or school. When they arent in school I take care of them.

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Tip: complaints do not correlate with suffering, but with personality.

Your homework for 2026:
1. Study the immense variability of the human experience.
2. Notice the wide range of functionalities of their brains and the personalities they were born with.
3. Observe how certain people never complain yet struggle silently and how some people complain constantly yet live in privilege.

We all have inattentive ADHD and various shades of autism in the family, and we're all quiet, calm, people who aren't given to complaining. My two children have always been "easy", in that they were never destructive or moody. But for the first 18 years of our son's life, our lives revolved around his needs. He needed extensive therapies, tutoring and round-the-clock handholding. Sweet-tempered boy... but so many issues.

It's amazing how much bandwidth I have for so many other things now that's he clawed his way into college and is surviving on his own! Do I complain about all these years spent raising him so he could be a somewhat functional young adult? No! It was well worth it.

I would have dearly loved more children, despite the risks of having more ADHD/autistic kids, but sadly my body decided against it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

We’re religious.

You can still practice religion with fewer kids.

Yes, but we can afford having a lot of kids so why not.

Both of my parents are among the youngest kids in huge Catholic families (7+ kids). They both experienced a ton of parental neglect that came home to roost when they became parents. Older siblings are not good substitutes for actual parents, as they are children themselves. They often reinforce childish beliefs and fears, can be emotionally abusive because they aren't mature enough to be parenting, etc. My parents would have been much better off with real love and guidance from their actual parents, but they barely knew them. Yes they have some find memories of very full houses, big and boisterous family dinners, and have some great and close relationships with siblings. But the were not sufficiently *parented*. Kids from smaller families, IMO, tend to be more emotionally mature and developed, have a better sense of themselves and their role, have deeper and more reliable self confidence. Kids from very large families seem needy, because they are needy --they needed things growing up that they simply never got.

I also come from a big family (13 children) and didn’t experience any neglect. Our kids do get 1-1 time and our older kids don’t help parent at all.

Extra large families are super fascinating to me.. what was that like growing up? What’s the dynamic like now that you’re all adults?

Parents have 9 daughters and 4 sons. We were well off and lived in a house that ran on structure: set routines, and a lot of systems just to keep things functioning. We all went to private school, college was paid for, and had set extracurriculars. No one was left behind and we were all able to do what we were passionate about. We did have household help. Routines were apart of everything — school, activities, etc. We always knew what to expect, and it wasn’t the chaos that usually comes with so many kids. What really stands out looking back are Sundays and holidays. Those are our favorite memories. Sundays included — everyone home, long dinners, it was always the same, and this is something we do with our kids now.

We always had set family time (our parents wanted us have close bonds) and that’s a big reason why we’re still super close as busy adults. Holidays were always special. That carried into adulthood, we’re all close as siblings thanks to our parents, our kids love their cousins and every year all of us — siblings, spouses, and kids still make sure to go on vacation together. My parents now have 47 grandchildren whom they adore and sometimes say they love more than us..I don’t have anything bad to say about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

We’re religious.

You can still practice religion with fewer kids.

Yes, but we can afford having a lot of kids so why not.

Both of my parents are among the youngest kids in huge Catholic families (7+ kids). They both experienced a ton of parental neglect that came home to roost when they became parents. Older siblings are not good substitutes for actual parents, as they are children themselves. They often reinforce childish beliefs and fears, can be emotionally abusive because they aren't mature enough to be parenting, etc. My parents would have been much better off with real love and guidance from their actual parents, but they barely knew them. Yes they have some find memories of very full houses, big and boisterous family dinners, and have some great and close relationships with siblings. But the were not sufficiently *parented*. Kids from smaller families, IMO, tend to be more emotionally mature and developed, have a better sense of themselves and their role, have deeper and more reliable self confidence. Kids from very large families seem needy, because they are needy --they needed things growing up that they simply never got.

I also come from a big family (13 children) and didn’t experience any neglect. Our kids do get 1-1 time and our older kids don’t help parent at all.

Extra large families are super fascinating to me.. what was that like growing up? What’s the dynamic like now that you’re all adults?